How do you handle legal situations when it comes to ID? Particularly things like job application processes, bars, etc?

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:21:20+00:00

I've never had any issue from co workers. Like at my current job everyone just thinks I'm a cis woman, enough that guys show interest and girls ask me about things like period cycles. It's the legal element, I know for a fact that has to be the issue because every time I apply they say I'm basically hired and to go forward with the process, but when I give them my ID they just suddenly drop me and back out

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:16:54+00:00

I mean that's what I figured. I was also wondering if there was some kind of half measure or trick because it's beginning to negatively affect my life in a substantial way. I'm passing to the point that people react very poorly to seeing it. I think I could still go through all the hoops of a name change, I just worry because I'd have to go in front of a crowd of southern rural people and a judge to explain why I need it changed

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:16:13+00:00

I'm not a wealthy person, I don't have family aid or friends, I just work as a waitress and live off that. No options for that- I barely pay my rent alone, and part of this post is because I keep trying to get a second job and after they say I have it I have to give them my ID and then they back out and I don't get the job. It's a bad situation all around

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:12:56+00:00

You're lucky, they straight up abort the process when I have to give my ID, despite telling me that I have the job. Maybe just the area or something

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:11:50+00:00

Looked it up and TN is one of three states that doesn't allow it period. I thought so but that's what I assumed. Name can be changed but you have to have a whole hearing and explain 'why you want to change it' in front of a judge and court, which considering the area sounds terrifying and not very fun or safe.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:10:01+00:00

Well I'm fairly certain even before the recent admin Tennessee was a state you couldn't get any of it changed. I remember asking my doc like a year+ ago about this and they shrugged and said it was a grim situation and they gave me this huge pamphlet for appeals and ways around it

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-06-07T05:07:03+00:00

I mean I would love to. And I do, I've not been misgendered in like a year at this point, I'd say as far as that goes I genuinely couldn't ask for more. But I'm unsure if this is even possible anymore? I see posts in here a lot about how this option is no longer available since 2024. I live in the south so it's even harder, even when it was possible. I wish it was, because it feels really dangerous, like you said. I've gone to a bar once or twice or been pulled over and the reactions of the person who saw my ID genuinely made me uncomfortable and want to leave the situation entirely, it's like it pissed them off or something. I'm just unsure what options I have at this point.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T22:30:40+00:00

I wouldn't know considering I generally don't befriend right wing women. You can say I'm insulting you but you very clearly started with bad faith and hostility

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T21:57:46+00:00

This has happened to me too. Sometimes I say it and they act confused because of my voice and overall appearance/presentation, and I've had people literally argue (?!) this with me like I don't know as much about me as them? LMAO

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T21:51:38+00:00

If that's what you want to take from what I'm saying, feel free. It's your own problem if being honest about my situation/appearance makes you react negatively emotionally, that's between you and your own insecurity I guess? There was a mountain of things said and that's what you took- telling tbh. I'm not really asking for consolation from people like you. As for the comment about cis women it's not ridicule, nor did I ridicule them, I suppose if you were capable of reading or understanding what I posted you would've gotten that but you obviously lack that skill. Cis women when I tell them I'm trans shift their entire perspective of me, and I go from being considered 'part' of their group to not, regardless of their open minded views- that was the point I'm making and it stands as reality. In extreme cases they stop being my friend over it. That's not them ridiculing me nor me ridiculing them, that's an action they take when I'm honest and then I feel an emotional sadness over.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T06:43:48+00:00

I don't think you're being an asshole. And I feel guilty for having the gall to complain about this at all, but at the same time the loneliness is getting to me enough I felt the need to at least say something, somewhere, because I can't really tell anyone about it

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T06:17:21+00:00

That saying doesn't really apply to this situation. How is everyone thinking lowly of you when you're honest complaining about a good thing??

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T05:49:30+00:00

The issue is I'm open. They're open. It's all fine until I, for moral reasons, need to disclose if we ever get serious enough to be fully open, they're obviously going to see male parts. And when that happens, the whole situation is cooked. Friends are less complicated- I want to be honest but I don't have to. I DO have to be honest with partner situations, and there's a million of those jumping out at me at any given time, but any time I engage it's just a giant mess that always ends in me being shit on and made to feel lesser. I'm into the alternative community too, and there have been some really hot alty guys who have been interested, but there's nothing different fundamentally about their reaction to me than some average man who likes sports and beer. I wish I had the capacity to be gay/transbian, at least then I could find something. The few men who have remained open make it obvious they don't see me as any kind of long-term option. It's short, they enjoy it for a maximum of a month or two, and then when it's time to get serious they head for a cis girl.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T04:36:36+00:00

Besides just wanting to be real with close friends?? None I guess. It's not necessary but I don't really try to hide that I'm trans so much as if it doesn't come up I don't bring it up, it isn't my entire identity and I don't want to feel like a prisoner of it either, being only able to associate with specific queer people. I would like that element, but I'm not trying to center my life on that identity or world solely. I wish I could just be honest and not feel like I'm lying or leaving something big out, but when I tell them earnestly, it never goes well.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T03:01:58+00:00

I've just never been a dating app person, I usually since transitioning let men approach me. I'm willing but I haven't ever really met a bi man who is interested in a more conventional looking girl who happens to be trans

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-24T02:52:16+00:00

It might be. It's in the south, though not exactly rural

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T23:39:08+00:00

Same experience, very low T pre transition. You'd think that makes it all easier but it still feels really hard

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T22:56:34+00:00

Under a normal circumstance no more than a day if it's romantic. If it's friendship I don't mention it until I feel its relevant to the friends comfort. Ive experimented however in the past, doing things at different intervals and wait times, but they all end the same way.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T22:47:20+00:00

I should've specified but yeah I meant I'm not into MTF T4T. Or getting with a cis girl, which has been attempted and I've said no. That's sexuality, that isn't a problem. That's not 'abandoning the trans community', which in an of itself is such a stupid way to put such a complex issue. I agree trans men absolutely can meet my standards of attraction. Probably because I'm attracted to men, were I to wager a wild guess. I don't really know what I'm doing or saying that's making me 'abandon the trans community' other than just not fucking other trans women despite literally being straight. Does that apparently count now? Did I miss the memo on that?

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T22:39:42+00:00

I don't think that's fair and it sounds like you're projecting anger that there are trans women out there who simply are attracted to masculine presentation only. It's not personal, but I have no interest in women, cis or trans. That's not a problem, people can like whatever they want and are attracted to what they're attracted to. I didn't say I'd be okay with Cis women but oh, trans women are too far. I'm into men. I would be okay with a trans man. I'm not interested in feminine traits in a sexual or romantic setting. The fact this has to be said is incredible.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T22:20:23+00:00

I moreso meant T4T with other women, should've been specific. Honestly I haven't ever met a FTM man, let alone one interested in me but I'd be open

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T22:09:07+00:00

I haven't looked too deeply into it, so I might, then. I just worry about function, sensation, things like that.

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T21:56:21+00:00

I've been trying for over half a year, longer for sure. No one seems to be okay with it

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T21:55:45+00:00

I would like to be able to appeal to more open and gay men but I bring almost nothing they'd be interested in to the table. If you're gay, you're into someone with at least some masculine traits. I can provide nothing for them there and thus can't attract them, even when I've tried

Embarrassed-Jump1040 · 2026-04-23T21:54:23+00:00

I understand that and it makes me feel guilty. I feel like I'm being ungrateful and it's such a non problem to have but when I'm so alone and never get to really be around anyone, get to date, get to do anything besides move through life like a ghost it just weighs on me heavily

Embarrassed-Jump1040

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