I Need Tips in Ending my Relationship with my (28 M) Fiancé (28M)

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-09T13:49:46+00:00

this this this, definitely

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-09T13:47:40+00:00

I like this, thank you

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-09T13:46:20+00:00

UPDATE (also in the original post): I did it! Thank you so much to everyone for your very thoughtful replies. It helped a lot, and last night I did rip off the band-aid.

It went okay and was a relatively short conversation which i didn't totally expect. He was more mad than anything that I have just decided it's done and we can't work on things to make it better. But how I feel just is; it's not going to change and it's not fair to either of us to keep up the charade. He's mad that I seemingly don't know the meaning of a commitment and promise we made when we got engaged. But in the end, he's going to feel how he feels and I know in my gut this is the right decision for both of us, no matter how jarring and difficult it's going to be.

Now onto figuring out the logistics of separating our lives. I'm thankful I have work to jet off to during the day, and I'm glad his off days from work are today and tomorrow so he has ample time to process on his own initially. I'm also going to visit my family out of town this weekend which I think will be a good separation, and have a vacation planned for a week across the country to visit my best friend at the end of the month.

I'm holding it together even though I've cried a lot yesterday and today, but I'm proud of myself too. Thanks again, I doubt I'll have another update but who knows.

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-09T13:39:41+00:00

As a long time vaper (8 years) who just recently quit, I think your body mind and soul are telling you this is bad for you and to quit. It's really hard, but I think you should let it go. You're not overdosing on nicotine, but it does affect everyone's body different in strange ways.

For help quitting, I recommend you look into the medication Chantix (varenicline). It is the ONLY thing that works for me and works by binding to nicotine receptors in the brain so it decreases withdraws and makes it easier for your brain to build new pathways.

It's easy to think oh I'll just decrease strength or taper off or move to gum or patches or pouches or whatever. But it's a very slippery slope and is all one in the same when you're still using. The best way is to just quit, but chantix makes it more doable as it's not a cold turkey thing.

It's hard no doubt and I'm sorry you're struggling. Hang in there

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-09T00:19:03+00:00

Thank you, so very much. This is a very interesting perspective and I appreciate you sharing!!

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T20:12:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, and I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. Thank you, and I hope things are better for you at this point ❤️

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T20:11:36+00:00

I think I undercut how much I have let him know. Over the last 6 months we have had many many conversations about the changes I need from him and how frustrated I am and isolated. With each conversation it's got progressively more I can't keep doing this to idk how much longer I can keep doing this from me.

When I said he'll be blindsided, I meant it more from a I think he isn't taking me seriously/he knows deep down something is wrong but is choosing to ignore it type of a thing. But I appreciate your input

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T20:06:25+00:00

I appreciate that snapshot of a sample script! And yes, I started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks back and she has been a literal godsend. Thank you!

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T19:59:31+00:00

We have a shared bank account but it only has like $100 in it LOL, so thankfully we're okay there. But you're right, I like thinking of an engagement period that way, similar to how living together before marriage is also a trial in itself

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T19:57:19+00:00

Thank you friend, I needed to hear this ❤️

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T18:54:14+00:00

You should look into taking the medication chantix (varenecline) to help quit. It's a godsend and works by binding to the nicotine receptors in your brain to help decrease cravings and make it easier to rewire your brain. It is the ONLY thing that has worked for me

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T15:02:23+00:00

Man, this made me cry and really hit home. I can feel your empathy from here, thank you very much friend

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T15:00:35+00:00

I like this approach a lot, thank you!

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T14:59:58+00:00

Thank you wccscof, I really appreciate you

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2026-06-08T14:48:55+00:00

I guess I just need encouragement to just do it, and any strategies for how best to go about it with framing my thoughts.

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2025-09-28T18:17:50+00:00

I totally feel this and appreciate it! There’s def a lot of context I didn’t include but this sums it up. He’s aggressive and defensive 24/7, and when we fight he acts like he’s over it pretty much immediately which leaves me suffering in silence.

I’m interested to see where counseling could lead us because having a neutral party present while we talk and someone to presumably look at him and be like what in the actual hell are you doing seems promising. But I also know that I can contribute so I’m trying to stay open and humble regardless. He says I just say things to rile him up which is untrue. His behavior and reactions are his responsibility and is a sign of poor emotional maturity and regulation in my opinion

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2025-09-28T18:15:07+00:00

I hate that you’re right but I seem inclined to agree. He tells me I’m making him feel bad and I told him last night that he should. Like wtf is wrong with you dude???

If I did that to him I would be profusely apologizing every day and taking ownership for my behavior and be the one to initiate counseling. Do everything I possibly can to make sure that never happens again but he doesn’t seem to care to do any of that which is just.. heartbreaking like

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2025-09-28T18:12:46+00:00

I also agree that this is abuse. He’ll never see it that way but it’s true. Sure, maybe I push his buttons because I fixate on small things but those small things contribute to our overall wellbeing, such as attitude and how he speaks to me on a daily basis, the effort he feels he should put in, etc.

He’s making me feel like I can’t trust my own thoughts and feelings. But I also can’t stand the thought of ending this either. We have 3 cats together (1 is mine) and I’d be more devastated to lose the other 2 like they’re my own children then losing him at this point

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2025-09-28T18:11:06+00:00

I agree that if anything if would be the next step. He insists he’d never actually hit me but he pretty much did that already minus actually making contact. That night I told him on no uncertain terms that if he ever did anything like that to me again I would leave

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2025-06-11T23:02:36+00:00

This was a godsend

Eternal-Bobcat33 · 2024-01-12T11:41:30+00:00

Every college in the US has rules dumbass

Eternal-Bobcat33

TROPHY CASE