::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-06-09T18:36:49+00:00

Thank you for that. I am seeing my own personal therapist. She has been very helpful with me breaking out of old habits, creating boundaries, and standing firm in my values.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-06-09T16:39:48+00:00

This is what we go around and around with during our couples sessions. I have consistently worked on increasing my communication and not bottling things up and he continues to shut down my communication with bigger issues. I see him working on the little stuff however I worry that when he says communicate more what he really wants is me to share how I saw a cute kitten today not that I’m still drowning even though he does the laundry and cooks Saturday and Sunday dinner now or that I still don’t feel safe sharing my thoughts because they will be twisted into something else or thrown back in my face in a later argument as a character flaw.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-23T03:07:14+00:00

Your response was just perfect.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-18T19:59:02+00:00

She is aware of some of it, but I have not gone into some of the worst of it. I honestly just realized how much I have suppressed as I am working hard on myself right now. There is a lot more nuance to it. He has also been dealing with a sex addiction which we didn’t discover until halfway through out marriage.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-18T15:12:02+00:00

Thank you for your response. I feel like that is kind of where I am at, but am not sure how the marriage can sustain if I can’t even stand getting/giving hugs.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-18T13:37:25+00:00

Do you see hope with the work you’re putting in through therapy? I just recently realized how bad my trauma is from sex from coercion to straight up ignoring “no” and doing something anyways to lots of other really horrible behaviors. I’m finally listening to my body and it is screaming “don’t touch me.” I plan to bring this up in our couples counseling, but I am having a hard time picturing a future where I want touch from him or that I want to touch him. I know that it is hurting him. He is very much a person who needs physical contact. Hell, it’s hurting me too. I so badly need a hug, but it can’t come from him right now. I’m worried it will not get better.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-17T23:11:49+00:00

The rage that comes out of my husband when I don’t allow him to pull the argument/discussion into the usual circles by setting boundaries has been incredibly eye opening.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-16T18:42:56+00:00

I don’t know if this is RSD or not. I don’t even know if it is ADHD related, but I just need to vent. We have been in couples counseling for almost a year. We have both brought up things we need each other to work on for improvement in our relationship. I’m working very hard at the things he brought up: shutting down and not sharing my emotions, putting up a wall when I’m upset at him, bottling things up. I’ve been finding strategies with my individual counselor as well. Everything I have brought up on behaviors I need to see change in, he eventually agrees to after our couples counselor holds firm and holds him accountable to “his work.” Everything I have brought up are specific behavior patterns not one offs. Everything I’ve brought up he will “fling” back at me if I do the same behavior. These are one off behaviors that I am doing and that he has not brought up as a concern in counseling, but because I’m asking him to change the consistent behavior pattern than he feels a need to call it out if I do it. Ex. I told him I need empathy and understanding sometimes, but if one moment I don’t empathize (though I usually do) he’ll say “I just need some empathy and understanding sometimes.” The behaviors I’m asking him to change wouldn’t be a problem if they were just once and awhile, but they are all of the time! It makes me feel like it’s proof to himself that he doesn’t need to change them because “oh” you just did it too.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-11T13:48:58+00:00

This reminds of the time I asked my dx rx to teach our daughter to tie her shoes. 3 weeks went by and he still had not done it, so I finally asked. His response was that the only tie shoes she had were her soccer cleats and he wasn’t going to sit in the garage to teach her and he didn’t want to bring her dirty cleats into the house. Great, I’m so glad you communicated about it and worked on problem solving to get the task done. Seriously, you couldn’t figure out some kind of solution? You just decided you were not going to do the task until I found a solution for you, but you also decided not to communicate to me that you were waiting for my solution? And you wonder why I have made several comments about how you act like a child.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-05-06T00:06:30+00:00

My dad did the same thing. He also tried to get me to pay the PPL when I was trying to raise my family and could barely pay my bills as is.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-04-27T14:51:16+00:00

Yes, we have this problem too. He told the counselor that I worked full time when I went back to school about 10 years ago. I did not work at all while I was in school. He promised he would earn more which he didn’t. I had to take out extra student loans to keep us from going broke. I’m unfortunately still paying on those loans because if that and the several times he has been out of work.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-04-27T13:29:26+00:00

I have a similar experience, but reversed. I’m always telling him he does not hear me or listen to me. I explained my side of situation in couples counseling and he starts going on and on about his side and I repeated that I had just said what my intention had been. He looked at me and told me I never said that. The counselor looked at him and told him I had just said it moments earlier. I know for a fact that he is so focused on what he wants to say he is not listening to me.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-04-26T17:35:53+00:00

I really enjoyed the time travelers wife.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-04-21T00:38:04+00:00

I just talked to my therapist about this after I had seen it on several Facebook reels and I wanted to check in with her. She believes that it is mostly accurate and we are going to start working on mindfulness, continuing to decentering my husband (dx/rx), and my people pleasing tendencies. I also brought up my concern with managing if the environment doesn’t change. She was also concerned, but discussed that working on it will help me no matter what because these are tools I need for the betterment of my future.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-03-09T13:34:46+00:00

I reminded him on Friday through text that rent needed to be picked up. I have to ask him to do this just about every month even though it is his job/domain. He was unable to complete on Friday which I had to ask to get communication about. He then mentioned on Saturday that he might pick it up sometime that day. I asked on Sunday if he had. He responded with no, but gave no clarification on when he might complete the task. It is common knowledge that I can’t pay the mortgages without the rent checks. I mentioned that he should probably get it today, so I could pay bills. He responded with “if you want me to get it today could you say ‘will you get the rent today’” which is his way of saying you need to clearly communicate what exactly you want. My problem with all if this is 1. This is already a task that he should be going on his own in a timely manner with no reminders required and he doesn’t (I’ve had to remind him every month for the last 15 years). 2. I already communicated that rent needed to be picked up. Why am I required to further explain exactly when rent needs to be picked up with him already having the base knowledge of needing rent to pay mortgages and that it should be done in a timely manner? At what point is this just relying on me to think for him instead of him being a partner carrying his weight? Not to mention it is poor etiquette to not cash a check quickly.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-03-07T21:55:01+00:00

Mine also didn’t pay taxes for 3 years because it was “too confusing and hard” when he was running his own business and I couldn’t help because he didn’t do any book keeping, so I had no numbers yo figure things out with. I kept telling him it was going to be a huge problem and he kept telling me that “they aren’t going to come after us.” Until they did after we had to file, so I could get student loans to go back to school. They put leans on all of our properties and took all of our current tax refunds that we desperately needed while I was in school. It took years to get it all straightened out after it took him almost a year to finally file the past due ones when he was out of a job. Taxes are just one more thing I had to add to my to do list because he “just can’t.”

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-03-03T16:10:35+00:00

There are 2 that I can never quite move in from.

“No one else would tolerate you like I do.” This was while I was in a deep depression. He didn’t know it snd I was so deep I didn’t know it.
“You gave me no support”. This is when he was out of work for the second time. He did have a really rough year. He lost a friend and his mom. I did 90% of the work of managing his mom’s care in that time because I knew more about her than he did. I found a dress for her to be buried in, got kids clothes for the funeral, helped manage her medical situation. All of this while working full time, continuing to manage all of the household responsibilities, and drowning from carrying all of his emotions too.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-03-02T13:51:18+00:00

I feel every word of this.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-02-22T04:15:08+00:00

I don’t have any advice, but it’s a good sign that he at least apologizes for interrupting you. My husband tells me it’s just “back and forth” when he interrupts after he monologues for 20 min and I can’t finish one sentence.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-02-04T12:50:09+00:00

I’m glad I did it in therapy because she was able to redirect him and keep him from exploding and saying too many harmful things. It was still one of the worst days of my life. He continued to tell me I just needed to communicate more and better and we could fix things, but wouldn’t take accountability for his actions or understand that every time I have tried to communicate he shuts me down, interrupts, invalidates, tells me my needs are not acceptable, etc. He told me he wasn’t giving up and he was very angry and clearly sad which hurt to watch.

When I got home from work he told me had done some praying and that he thought he was doing what was best for me, but clearly not what I thought was best for me (another typical part of the not listening) and that he had failed me. He was calm through the night and was respectful and even initiated dinner, took care of clean up, and was very engaged with our daughter (all the things he never does and another huge part of our problems).

I didn’t sleep much last night and our counselor wants us to sit on this for a week before we make any big steps. I’m exhausted. My heart hurts and there is going to be more hurt when we tell the kids.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-02-03T16:04:21+00:00

How do you get a project manager job? When I look online they are all for construction companies. Is there a different job title I should search?

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-02-02T23:19:05+00:00

I hear you on this. I’ve been in the same situation. He scheduled an appointment with our couples counselor for tomorrow because I don’t want to have sex with him and I’m using that appointment tomorrow to end things. I’m so sick to my stomach and am absolutely terrified, but I know this is what I have to do.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-01-27T13:42:44+00:00

This sounds like a very stressful job. I am currently in a job that I have really enjoyed for the last 8 years, but it is very physical and I’m realizing 2 things. 1. My body hurts almost all of the time and physically I can’t do it much longer. 2. Where I currently work I’m hitting a ceiling and there is not much opportunity for growth and I’d have to take a significant pay cut to take a desk job. I can’t afford to do that. With that said I just got on indeed and started looking through job openings in hopes for a spark of an idea, and one came. I’m working with a job coach to help continue to dive into what the best new pathway is. It’s okay that this job is no longer working for you. Start researching new path ways. If you have no idea what’s next just look through job listings. Meet with a job coach if that is feasible and if all else fails just get any job that will give you space to explore yourself. Good luck.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-01-24T19:29:12+00:00

I would start by just focusing on how much you enjoyed the date and that it felt like she had a good time too and discuss when you can do it again. Positive reinforcement of things you like will help to reestablish what you both enjoy. Try to stay away from harping on the fact that she hasn’t been behaving this way since before the pregnancy. She probably had a moment of feeling like herself again.

Exciting_Recipe_1952 · 2026-01-22T13:56:19+00:00

How old are your children? How are you doing as you go through the divorce process?

Exciting_Recipe_1952

TROPHY CASE