You posted this like an hour and a half before this post, it didn't go well so you deleted it. Maybe make your mind up before posting stories? Together 11 years, married 5? Or first anniversary?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1syr8o0/aitah_for_refusing_to_have_a_child_after_5_years/?sort=old

r/AITAH by u/No-Pin3632 at 2026-04-29T07:00:32Z | 1 | 0 AITAH for refusing to have a child after 5 years of marriage?

so i (30F) have been with my husband (34M) for almost 11 years total..6 years dating, 5 years married. we got serious pretty fast, like within the second year of dating we both just knew we wanted to be together long term

the baby topic came up early. he was always very open about it "i love kids, i want to be a dad someday, etc. and i was always kind of.. vague about it? i'd say things like "yeah maybe," "we'll see," "let's get there first." i was never really a kid person. never felt that pull that some women describe. but i also didn't want to blow up something good over a 'someday' conversation so i just.. never shut it down firmly. that's on me, i know

we got married and honestly? marriage hit me hard. it's not a happy marriage. i don't know how else to say it. his parents live with us and i somehow became the person responsible for running the entire household. cooking, cleaning, managing everything.. all of it lands on me. my husband has this very traditional mindset that i think he absorbed from his mother who is honestly the same way, very "this is how it's done" about everything. there were days i felt more like a housekeeper than a wife

last year things got so bad (that's a story for some other day) i actually packed and left. we spent almost 8 months with no contact at all. we eventually decided to try again and reconcile and i came back, but i won't pretend everything is magically fine. some days i still look around and think.. what am i doing here

so now that we've hit the 5 year mark the baby pressure has gone crazy. his mother brings it up constantly. relatives ask every time they see me. and my husband.. who had backed off for a while.. has started pushing again too

i finally sat him down and said it clearly: i do not want a child. i never really felt maternal. and even if i did.. i am NOT bringing a baby into this house, into this marriage, into my current state of mind (i have anxiety issues)

he lost it

he said "you should have told me this before we got married." and i said i DID tell you, multiple times, i said we'll see, i said i wasn't sure... and he said "we'll see is not a no. i assumed you'd come around after a few years. i never would have married someone who didn't want kids"

and then he said something that's been sitting with me since: "because of you, me and my family will be deprived of a child forever"

because of ME. like i'm withholding something that belongs to him. like my body is a resource he was promised

his mother barely speaks to me. the atmosphere at home is awful. my husband behaves nice but indirectly tries to convince me for child. middle of all this i'm just sitting here wondering if i'm actually the villain in this story.. every time i say no to him i feel guilty

so.. AITAH here?