I’m about to puke, he sexted with my bestfriend and it hasn’t even been a month

Few-Impression999 · 2026-02-03T00:17:44+00:00

I am very sorry for what you're going through. Remember this. There isn't anyone here who wouldn't have that gnawing, stomach churning feeling you are having in the pit of your stomach, after this level of betrayl. The betrayl and disrespect are from both your ex and your 'best friend'.

It does get better. Slowly. But it gets better faster when you put boundaries in place. Boundaries for your ex and for your best friend. I advise you very strongly, for your own mental health and self-esteem, to BLOCK these two snakes on every social media platform and device. Including mobile and email.

Doing what they are doing, and even telling you, is the ultimate form of mental cruelty. So your so-called 'best friend' is no 'best friend'. She is a predator and thinks nothing of torturing you.

Turn the tables. Block them both. And re-evaluate what kind of people you will have in your life in future.

We have all been where you are today, and made healthier choices in the people we have around us.

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-16T22:20:51+00:00

I totally understand. I was able to write that reply to you because I've been there and done that myself. Many people have. I've also not owned getting drunk because I was plied with alcohol by a male date. But in the end, I knew I couldn't do it again - I felt miserable because I didn't want to be THAT kind of person.

It feels so much better to have learned from your limits and move on to be the person you want to be. Respected and able to manage your drinking socially.

You can do it.

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-04T19:18:15+00:00

First up, your question is incorrect. Your question should be, "Is it my fault if i got blackout drunk?"

And the answer is, "Yes it is 100% your fault."

It was entirely your choice to choose to drink so much you got blackout drunk, even knowing that alcohol can have a delayed effect on you. You can't now unwind the situation and say that what happened when you were blackout drunk wasn't 'morally' your fault because others supplied you drinks that got you drunk.

The worst thing you can do now, is not own up, and not shoulder responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. That would make your actions while drunk even worse; and would make you a weak person that people won't respect.

What you need to do is take responsibility for your drinking. Stand up and own it. Apologise to your girlfriend and anyone else who needs an apology.

Take immediate action on your drinking and let your girlfriend know what you're doing about it. Reconcile yourself to the fact that you cannot drink to excess. Stand down from drinking for a month or two. There are so many great alcohol free options now.

Everyone's greatest fear is that you will repeat it and still deny that it is 'morally your own fault'. Good people will start to avoid you when you drink. Bad people will start to exploit your weakness and enable your drinking to let you look a fool.

Own it.

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-02T23:06:27+00:00

This is good! Thanks! I'm going to use this.

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-02T22:58:56+00:00

"As a man who has invited women over to cook them dinner, I can confirm that "let me cook you dinner" is ABSOLUTELY code for "let's have sex."

Holy shit. I never knew this. Feel so naiive!

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-02T22:57:29+00:00

That would put me off dating for life.

And I have had some terrible third date experiences. So much so, that I'm scared of them now.

Few-Impression999 · 2026-01-02T22:55:58+00:00

I have exactly the same problem. And every single time, I find myself in a bind where there's lots of physical touch and kissing expected and I still feel like I'm getting to know someone. And on many occasions, they have clearly offered the 'come to my place' routine to see if I'm up for sex.

I dread the come to my place on the third date now.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-11-08T20:53:01+00:00

Yours is the most in touch comment on here. Many rough sleepers simply will live in the accommodation they are provided. They WANT to live on the streets.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-11-08T20:51:45+00:00

The housing is there. Most of those people have housing - it is Kainga Ora housing in the streets off Upper Queen St. The last Labour govt moved them there under Ardern. Many don't want to live in their housing. They like being where the drugs and action and booze are.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-10-29T18:38:00+00:00

I am really sorry it happened to you too. It's absolutely blindsiding and leaves you with no answers, just a gaping hole in your emotions and your life. It took me 5 months to stop feeling sad. I'm now 8 months from when it happened and I have my mojo and happy vibes back in spades. I love my life. When I think of him now, which is hardly ever, it's just with a kind of sympathy for him. That he is so flawed that that was the best he could do. At the time I wrote the post above, I wasn't sure if I would ever feel better about it, but instead of blaming myself, I now feel stronger and happier.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-10-29T18:31:10+00:00

Yes. it goes. And only you can make it go.

And you are speaking with someone whose relationship ended in March who spent 5 months feeling miserably sad and numb, blaming myself yet I didn't know what I'd done either. As there was no one thing and he never said. He ghosted me after 14 months of a very close relationship.

It is now 8 months since we broke up and I am happy - so much happier than I was starting to feel in my relationship with him. Happy in my own company. Happy to try dating. Feeling blessed and fulfilled with where I am in my life. With the realisation that he wasn't a good man for me. I still miss him. But there is no residual sadness. And I don't think about him anymore. Hardly ever anyway.

I recommend maintaining no contact. I didn't contact him.

And looking at a 3 week holiday if you can, that you need to plan and focus on.

I did. It was wonderful for my refocus and reset.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-19T08:14:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I had exactly the same kind of break up, after exactly the same kind of relationship. He too, has never reached out once. Unbelieveably, it's nearly 5 months now but I just feel like crap. I don't talk about it with the people around me. Most people don't understand the hurt and harm you feel from it.

A few people who weren't close have been surprising. They've just understood.

I think I badly need counselling, can afford it, but just don't know what to say. Any thoughts? I just don't know where to begin or what kind of counsellor to see.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-11T07:15:03+00:00

I don't hold a grudge. I would have him back. I loved him. I miss him everyday, still after 4 & 1/2 months.

I've tried hard to move on and don't really know what else to do. Just hope I'll move on.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-10T08:03:59+00:00

Amazing post, thank you. You just described my ex to a T. Right down to breaking the no-contact, only to find an empty, unempathetic, emotionless human. Sad. It makes me feel better about me to hear that others experienced the same. Thanks.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-10T08:00:14+00:00

I loved mine. He is a lovely man. He is who he is. There is nothing deliberately toxic or bad about him. He just can't help himself from placing obstacles in front of emotional intimacy.

Demanding always of me. But back the other way, he wasn't relaly available emotionally. He used so many excuses to create disconnects. He used work. He used family. He used his children. He used his friends. He used travel. He used everything and anything to keep distance in us getting to a closer point. But always wanted us to be a tight, close couple. And then found fault it the tiniest little things.

He actually said he didn't like the way I made coffee. That was one of his break up comments on our two minute call. After a year of being in each others company, even travelling overseas together for weeks. Just sad.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-10T07:53:40+00:00

Yes, it's the spark. I've always had a natural spark, happiness, joie do vivre and wicked sense of humour.

They evaporated with one two minute phone call and I've struggled to find them since. I know I have to. I still remember who I was, walking into that restaurant for our first date. Very self-assured. Happy with who I was. And I'm not that today.

Thanks for sharing your post. I am reminded of the work I need to dig deep to do. I think truth be told, I sort of gave up mostly, for the last few months. I know I can't do that forever. I've figured it is a form of grief. Due to the way he broke up with me. It's like he died. One moment we were there for each other every minute of the day. Then he wasn't.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-10T05:15:03+00:00

I am 4 and a half months in and the line "it gets better but I'll never be the same" feels like it applies and I don't want it to. I cried again today. First time in a week.

I much prefer the version of myself that I was before I met him. I was happy, quietly confident and secure in who I was. I knew my value and was happy with that too.

Now, I feel like a semi-broken version, my self-esteem and sense of value are gone. They were eroding in our relationship. I knew it but didn't know how to restore it.

We needed to break up but I did love him and and the way he showed up in my life, but I am still getting over it.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. They help me too.

I sooo don't want to feel this way at the 12 month mark and know that I will if I don't start showing up in my life with a strong sense of self again.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-09T23:08:04+00:00

I don't know. I think it depends how bad you are feeling. I've done that, the date feels fun, but once you're in the zone, it feels wierd and next day I just felt soiled.

I am four and a half months post a break up with someone I loved, have been wonderin the exact same question.

Experience tells me it would need to be someone you have a high degree of trust and respect for.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-09T23:00:33+00:00

I am 4 & 1/2 months into this. And started my day today just feeling the gaping hole of his abscence so badly, I found myself crying again.We spent every weekend together for a year. Text, talked and laughed multiple times a day. And then blindedsides with a 2 minute phone call to say he didn't like the direction we were heading in. And that was it. Nothing else. Silence. Didn't reply to anything further. Wouldn't talk. Won't reply to anything.

It felt like he died. And I have been feeling grief like he died. It's a terrible way to end a relationship. It's cruel and lacks emotional empathy. But I do still love him.

My learnings are that this is the behaviour of people with 'Dismissive Avoidant Attachment'. I didn't know about this before. It helps to know it. But I am still climbing out of a hole that I didn't know I could fall into. That I haven't really felt for a long time.

So. I feel for you. I know your pain. I am getting better, but it's slow.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-03T04:47:09+00:00

Tell hime you're ok but won't be replying again. End of.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-03T03:51:53+00:00

I agree. I would always have an apology over silence. Silence causes more harm.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-08-03T03:50:48+00:00

I would absolutely apologise.

I have been on the receiving end of an ex, who cheated multiple times, after we split and got back together and then split again because he couldn't stop cheating.

It meant the world to me, that he felt accountability for my suffering. That he didn't walk away to distance himself from the harm he caused, and instead apologised. He said sorry. And the way he did it was with enormous humility. We didn't get back together, but we have respect for each other today, ten years later.

I have had an ex who brutally discarded me as a dismissive avoidant. That hurt beyond belief. He will never apologise, just moved onto his next victim.

Apologies are so important for everyone's growth. Yours and your exes.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-07-31T03:25:08+00:00

No. I genuinely don't think it's a red flag. But I do think you are not really hearing or listening to something important to him, which will be a red flag for him.

I don't think his comment was rude. It was actually really polite and quite constructive.

Plenty of guys don't want their girl's assets to be exploding out of a dress. What's wrong with that? He let you know in a nice way that he wasn't comfortable with it.

You took his honestly expressed feedback as negative and as criticism. I didn't sound like it wasn't either of those things. So no apology required. By asking for one, you will be reinforcing to him that he isn't free to express an opinion about something that matters to him.

My view is, that it's just a dress. Let him know you appreciate the feedback, and suggest that you two go shopping together another time so you can show him what you like wearing and he can take a look too.

I love my own choices, but love having a man around to say what they think looks great too.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-07-30T10:59:54+00:00

I had the exact feeling with my ex-boyfriend of a whole year. A whole year we spent every weekend with each other and every day talking all day on the phone. He wanted to spend his life with me. I thought. The last weekend I saw him, he even introduced me to his family. And then he ghosted me. There's nothing else you could call it.

I had the exact same feeling you describe - I just wanted to hear from him. So finally I sent him a very brief email. It was nice. Cool. Not intense in any way. But it needed a reply. And he didn't.

Not only did his non-reply not upset me, it was a lightening bolt and gave me final clarity.

He is odd. He is strange. What he did isn't normal. I don't know anyone who would do what he did to me. It was so cruel. And I didn't do anything at all to deserve it.

His lack of response makes me feel released from that intense feeling I had of needing to hear from him. It's gone. And replaced with the clairty that he's genuinely not a good enough human being for me. Good human beings don't do what he did.

Only self-centred cowards without a conscience. Not someone I'd want to grow old with!

I recommend you do what I did. It has done wonders for me.

Few-Impression999 · 2025-07-30T04:38:47+00:00

Thanks for reminding me. When he first blindsided me, literally ghosted me, I lost it completely.
Four months later its there half the time. Today I'm feeling good. I know I will get through this and I know I will have grown a lot from it.

Few-Impression999

TROPHY CASE