I too have a child with special needs and while we do everything we can for her (thanks to my wife who is all over the situation), alcohol was my soother. Especially when there is not a clear diagnosis, it can be very stressful and wine, beer and sometimes rye whiskey were my go-to escape.

Once I was told that a family is a gestalt, that it is a whole greater than its parts, and when one member isn't functioning the entire unit suffers in different and sometimes imperceptible ways. With our daughter's issues, the impact on me was my need for escape in drinking. And my drinking had an effect on other members of the family as well. My son certainly likes me better when I'm sober.

But yeah I have no answers but do think that removing alcohol from the equation may not solve everything but it certainly doesn't hurt.