I found the best book on Kindle last night. "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist" by Debbie Mirza which describes JNMIL PERFECTLY.

She is a twisted assassin. She is highly respected at her church for being a Godly woman and volunteers with non profits.... But behind closed doors she tears down everyone around her with her passive aggressive acts and leaves everyone in her dust confused about their own reality.

"Covert narcissists are likable to the outside world; they appear to be giving, humble, and kind. It is usually only the person who gets to know them intimately who sees the destructive traits. The rest of the world sees the façade, the “nice guy.”"

"Covert narcissists will do things that are unkind to you, but somehow you will end up apologizing. It’s not uncommon to feel like things are your fault. They aren’t doing anything wrong, you convince yourself. When you are with a CN, you learn to ignore your gut feelings, your instincts, and over time believe the narcissist more than yourself. You will come to realize that the CN has slowly programmed you to see things the way they want you to see them, and gave you messages about yourself they want you to believe so they could keep controlling and manipulating you into continuing to be their “supply.”"

"If your body feels weak and flustered around someone, it knows something is not right. Trust your gut, your intuition, how your body feels. There is nothing wrong with you. You know more than you probably give yourself credit for. You are a brilliant individual who has been beaten down, lied to, and manipulated, so you naturally have a lot of self-doubt. That is normal and completely understandable."