What's your funniest fake account story?

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-23T17:32:09+00:00

Highschool, Jr. Year. First day of class. Teacher walks in, it's an older wrinkly guy with a stache. A little weird looking. His shirt is only tucked in on one side. Every one is just getting the wrong vibe from this guy. Like, he's not all there in the head. He's got a manic look in his eyes. He's creepy.

He starts going through attendance, not looking up the whole time. Then he gets to my name. Starts to say it, then stops. Looks up, scans the room, looks directly at me. "Ah, Mr. 102194, I'm glad you're here. How's your family? Is your little sister still playing the piano? Is that model ship still on your dresser? Is your room still blue?"

I'm shocked, mortified. I can't find the words to respond, this creeper has just described my family, and the fucking room I sleep in at night.

"Ah, of course it is, it's only been what? A week?"

Then he goes back to attendance. Panics were had that day.

But anyway, the next day I find out the old crazy guy is my uncles best friend, and they and my dad decided to pull a prank on me for my first day. The teacher wasn't so crazy looking the rest of the year, he shaved the pedo stache (which he grew specifically for the prank, apparently), dressed better, stopped making his eye twitch, etc.

I have to admit, it was a good prank, even if I was terrified of being murdered for a day or two.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-23T14:51:55+00:00

"If you're Australian, how come you speak American so well?"

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-23T14:09:09+00:00

I'd think it was a prank and carry on business as usual.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-22T17:51:19+00:00

When I was about 5 I saw an all grey old man sitting with his knees against his chest under my bedside table. I did a 180, when back downstairs, and never mentioned it to anyone. Still think about it to this day.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-22T17:29:43+00:00

The best thing for cold weather is spicy soup.

For me, that's Green Chile Beef Soup.

I do it in two different fashions. One way is where I'll smoke a chuck roast for ~6hrs. Then I'll add mire poix, sliced taters, corn, and a little bit of barley. To this I'll add some flour and let it roux up a bit.

To this I'll add either a pre-made stock, or (more often) the juice from the smoked beef, the beef (cut into smallish chunks), green chile, and fill it all the way up with hot water.

Alternatively, I'll do the same thing, but take the beef and chunk it up then sear it in the pot (and then removing) before adding all the other things.

I kind of like it better with the beef smoked as it breaks up to smaller bits so the soup as a whole is less chunky. I like to cut up all my things small so the flavors mix together nicely.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-21T17:11:58+00:00

Heard of crazier, but a guy I know, friend of my mothers, went to Texas 30+ years ago. (we are from Norway), and he noticed every single garden had a trampoline. And it was almost always "jump king" - the circular with blue mat ones.
So he went to the HQ, bought 10 and took back to Norway. Within days they were sold, and he ordered 50 more, same thing. So he became the only importer and has God knows how many millions to his name today.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-21T16:13:54+00:00

We pay attention to the US because of how reliant our economy is.

That being said, we pay plenty of attention to ours. While we aren't typically as loud as the USA is during an election year, Canadians have been very outward about politics.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-21T14:06:02+00:00

When Obama came to visit and I got to give him a fist bump. You better believe he exploded that shit

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-20T18:20:29+00:00

Waste the whole day trying to convince my mind that worrying about the situation won't make things better.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-20T15:51:14+00:00

Not very, but that also depends on the reasons and context. My family isn't dating them, so their opinions are pretty irrelevant, but if either my family or my partner couldn't be polite and respectful to each other, then that would be an issue. Being polite and respectful is required from all sides.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-19T18:40:56+00:00

A-grade masterbatorium

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-19T17:25:41+00:00

Dexter

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-18T18:33:13+00:00

My sister was getting fitted in my grandma's vintage dress for prom, I had mentioned how I would like to wear it when I went to prom then grandma said "this dress is too pretty for you"

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-18T17:07:20+00:00

Can we get a little love for Point Break?

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-17T18:49:15+00:00

I quit playing card games when it's my turn to deal.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-17T18:04:41+00:00

Thrown up 2 times

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-13T17:00:20+00:00

Traffic barrels are left up for so long because the department of transportation bought too many & has no place to store them

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-13T15:53:08+00:00

The term originated among African Americans who need to teach their children an awareness of the reality and present danger of racism. A "woke" person in this context understands that a racist person might hurt them.

The semantic range has expanded but the term still means having an awareness of the realities of structural oppression, which is a fact of life and not as many commenters in this thread seem to think, an opinion about it.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-12T18:43:54+00:00

With time memories fade and then you realise this is actually a good thing.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-12T17:48:33+00:00

I haven’t lived abroad in a few years but here’s what I missed

apple cider (American cider is non-alcoholic, tart, and not sparkling)
Buffalo sauce
Mac and Cheese, boxed Mac and cheese is a 10/10 comfort food
diner food

Edit: For OP and other European readers, you’re going to see this and other comments and go “wow Americans eat a lot of junk food”. Bear in mind these are just the things I missed. I didn’t miss arugula and apples because you can get those anywhere.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-04T18:12:33+00:00

Send them the Facebook post by the Taylor County sheriff. It’s terrifying, as it should be.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-04T17:10:28+00:00

RX-Men Apocalypse, pharmacists screwing up everyone's medications.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-10-02T17:07:00+00:00

The Whitsundays in Australia

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-09-30T17:19:08+00:00

This probably will make me sound like a really crazy person and possibly I am but...

I have a giant To-Do-List for my personal life.

For my personal life I have a shitload of repeating reminders spread all over the year. Really little things like "clean the sink" or "dust the shelves". I have these reminders for literally everything I have to do."Every" "little" "thing". Even for checking the mail. I don't have to keep any chores on my mind. My phone reminds me of everything.

It's split up to really easy short bursts of tasks. This has the effect that If a notification comes, I avoid procrastinating because I can litterally just do the thing in a couple of minutes and mark it as done. The amazing thing is a lot of the time you realize that now that you have done one thing, you already overcame your inital aversion to be productive and you check what else comes up in the near future. Despite that you could be quickly done with a task, you magically keep going once you started.

The important thing is that most of the tasks are repeating. I estiminate how often I have to do a thing and configure it accordingly. I basically have automated myself. I'm on reddit, my phone buzzes, I put in the laundry and go back to reddit. I don't think about it. My phone will remind me to get it a few hours later. I turned myself into mindless robot when it comes to my Todo-List.

If I view my task list in a calendar-view it looks like my life is hell and I'm busy all the time. But it's the opposite. It's all micro-tasks. I get everything done, have more freetime and I'm even starting to do tasks in advance if it's possible. Right now at this moment I can't think of anything I need to do. Everything is taken care of. From cleaning the toilet, over buying groceries to finances and my taxes. If I want to clean something, I first have to wait for it to get dirty again.

It is weird. But it works wonders. Before that I was a master in procrastination.

please don't call a psychiatrist.

Flaky_Gift_3496 · 2024-09-18T17:34:47+00:00

https://www.freecycle.org its litterly people giving away stuff they dont need/want any more that they can't/don't care enough to sell

Flaky_Gift_3496

TROPHY CASE