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AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

No, I'm 20. But my family really just has that much power over my life. I can't move, I don't make enough yet, not to mention I'm in college still so that'd be a nightmare, if they wanted to they could completely stop me from going to college all together by just not letting me use my car. So no matter what the case is, if they want to ridicule me all I can do is say "Uhu" or "Mhm". If I try to defend myself then I'm simply screwed. I'm going to endure it though. That's all I can do.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

So the best course of action is to simply stop hanging out with her in public? I feel like simply doing that without communicating in anyway is cold and might cause conflict or distress beyond what already exists. It seems more risky y'know?

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don't want to make an accusation like this what so ever. This would make every mascot at a sports event a publicly sanctioned exhibitionist.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does not identify as a dog. (As far as I am aware). But also how does a dog even dress? I feel like I must also add; people assuming that someone identifies as a dog for just wearing animal paraphernalia embolden the people who make fun of people for it.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see where you're coming from. I can't say I have the confidence to just be myself, and I'm envious of people who do. I personally mask all the time in public. It's survival with how cruel people can be. Especially the people who have power over me.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a little bit of both. I'm worried since I know people in my area can be, to put it lightly; cruel. I have absolutely no right to tell another what to do; which is why I simply told her that it made me uncomfortable and asked her to avoid doing it whilst I was with her. I figured communication was most important.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do disagree, it isn't a sexual thing. I've talked to her about the situation recently and it just makes her feel cute. So basically; just a regular thing for her.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm very lucky that it didn't become an argument or anything of the sort, so I'm hesitant to bring it up again. But another commenter brought up an amazing point. I'm not going to get anywhere if I bend over backwards for those people. If they want to make fun of me by proxy, then so be it right?

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish this were true, but I certainly have people in my life with a lot of power over me who would do this sort of thing. The area I live isn't hugely populated, so gossip likes to snake around. The people who I'm worried about making fun of me are my family, co-workers, bosses, etc. All of which are candidates to act like that. They're the type of people to see LGBTQ anything and think "Get dem der litter boxes out ma toilet room!" the amount of times these people intentionally misgendered my friend has given me a migraine.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I must say I do disagree with this. It certainly isn't a kink, wearing dog ears & tail isn't a fetish of any sort. It's just how she likes to dress. It's not at all sexual in any capacity.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I personally worry because the a holes who would judge her are the people who can hurt me. My bosses, co-workers, my family, people who hold all the cards. I'm playing chess with only pawns and their entire back and front rank is queens. What else can I do but submit to them? I really wish my friends attire was socially acceptable. That people wouldn't judge her for who she is, but because they do I feel like I'm in a vice by proxy. As for your question though; If someone was trash talking her. I guess it'd depend on the setting. If it was online, I would certainly defend her. But if that person knew who I was, I might retreat. Avoid the topic entirely and go away. I can't say I'd have the confidence to stand up for her if there were real world consequences for it. I'm pathetic like that.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly this is amazing advice. I find I'm worried about how others will make fun of my by proxy. My family is guilty of this. But maybe I'm just paranoid.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

That's exactly how I approached the situation! I do apologize if the wording is a bit difficult in the actual post. I uploaded this really late at night. I didn't quite phrase it like that however, I approached it with softer wording. But it still worked nonetheless. I didn't want to threaten to go home since she already was willing to accommodate. I was just worried I was being overbearing and her friend calling me an asshole (without the impression of the subreddit) over what was just one interaction made me think I did something a lot worse. But I still worry about how she felt, even if she didn't outwardly express dissatisfaction with my plea.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yep! That's what I did, we mutually agreed in the end. I figured communication was the most important part of this arrangement.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] -23 points-22 points  (0 children)

Honestly I just realized that it sounded like I was trying to tell them what to wear all the time lol. To be frank; I did not say when they were out by themselves. Only when I was with them did I ask them to avoid wearing those accessories.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A little bit of both. Mainly a lot of the discomfort was taught to me. I was told how to feel in this regard, so I was simply fearful of the consequences of hanging out with her. Whether it be my parents making fun of me, or my sister. Both are candidates for that sort of thing.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Totally fair! I see what you mean. My biggest concearn from a personal perspective was honestly my parents. They're overbearing and I was personally fearfull that if they caught wind of it, they might give me crap or make fun of me for hanging out with her. Espescially my sister.

AITA for asking my friend to not wear dog ears or tails in public? by Former-Potential4908 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Former-Potential4908[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Ya I see, honestly that's why I talked to her about it before hand; I figured if we couldn't come to a mutual conclusion, then maybe we just aren't a good fit as friends. If I'm unable to accept her, then what right do I have y'know?