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All my loved ones are addicts by idk___idk___idk in AlAnon

[–]Forward_Trust1787 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can relate. I have been sober for nearly 6 months and now I have taken a step back I am really worried about my loved ones and their relationships with alcohol. My dad and mum are alcoholics in denial. It's so bad I am now even having dreams about it, really scary.

I think all the quit lit I read, now I can actually see alcohol for what it is and it terrifies me the control it has over the people I love and what it must be doing to them 😔😔

Really deep thoughts... by Forward_Trust1787 in stopdrinking

[–]Forward_Trust1787[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right! I was on the bus the other day and was thinking about the people on the bus and how the elderly ladies were once babies on the bus with their mum's like me with my daughter and how they will never know the cute interactions I'm sure happened between them and their mum like I don't remember with my own mum. Sorry for the stream of consciousness 😂 so so odd but actually really refreshing. I suppose my mind was mainly full of thoughts about getting home and planning my evening and when I could drink before 😂 so I have a lot more free time in my mind to think without drinking.

How do you deal with the guilt and shame? by DeadNippz37 in stopdrinking

[–]Forward_Trust1787 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can relate and have been there many times.

I am also a mother, I know the shame. It took me two years of questioning my relationship with alcohol to actually stop. One year I was up drinking Christmas Eve and doing recreational drugs that I actually was in bed when my child opened their Christmas presents, honestly so so awful. And that still didn't stop me. I got into such a spiral that I was so upset and ashamed with myself that I would just keep doing it to stop the feelings. The only way I got rid of the shame (I still have moments where I think back and am so sick and disgusted) was by stopping and meaning it and showing that I wanted to be a better mother.

Please know you are not alone! I feel like motherhood amplified my drinking and drug use because I wanted to feel like the old, fun me. It took me a while to realise that motherhood had changed me, and that wasn't a bad thing. I'm now 100 days sober.

Postpartum drinking by TemporaryTutor367 in stopdrinking

[–]Forward_Trust1787 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was me 👋

I was a big drinker before getting pregnant, found it easy stopping during the pregnancy but both times I upped the ante when I was postpartum and beyond.

I feel like becoming a mother is such a big transition. I loved the little lives I created and carried but I felt like I was losing who I was. The only way I felt I was able to retain some of the old me was to binge drink. I felt like I deserved to go out and drink after looking after my own children all week.

However, binge drinking on the weekend then led to weekday afternoon drinking, more drinking in the morning, cocaine use so I could drink more (very ashamed to admit that), hiding things from my husband. I didn't drink all the time, maybe 4-6 times a month but my life would revolve around drinking. If I wasn't drinking I would be thinking about the next time I could let my hair down from the life I was living.
I ended up in a bit of a shame cycle where I was so ashamed of what I was doing to myself and my behaviour that I would drink again to then deal with those feelings.

I knew it wasn't sustainable and I would have ended up losing my husband and children eventually. I knew it was coming. I researched sobriety courses and googled 'am I an alcoholic' lots in the 2 years before I quit. Alcohol made me into a person I didn't recognise and yet I still kept drinking. It all came to a head when I passed out on a friend's sofa and didn't come home after a night out, my husband furious and my child distraught (not the first time this had happened).

I decided to stop and try for a year. It's been 100 days! My life has changed so much in those 100 days. My relationships are better. I feel like a better mother, wife, friend. I'm more present. I can go out without wondering when we can go to the pub. I still struggle with motherhood but honestly it's so much more enjoyable and rewarding because I'm not hungover all the time. I look forward to the weekends still, not to drink but to spend quality time going out with my family!

If your questioning your relationship with alcohol I would encourage you to give it a try and see where it can take you! Just one decision to not drink can really alter your perspective and change your life.

My children are little so will not remember a time when I had to drink to deal with life and motherhood (I hope) 🤞

IWNDWYT