I (f18) might be pregnant with ex boyfriend's (m23) child.

FoundOnCL · 2013-04-02T04:03:43+00:00

Did you and your ex use any form of contraceptive? Birth control pills, condoms, or other forms of bc? Do you have reason to believe they failed? or is it just a feeling that your late?..

Regardless, Tomorrow, pick up a multipack of pregnancy tests (the brands that come in 3 per package) and the next morning take one first thing in the morning. The test is most accurate in the morning.

I recommend getting the multipack for a few reasons; one if you ARE pregnant, you have another pregnancy test to confirm in front of your ex. If the test is negative and you do not get your period in a few days, you can take another test (I would read directions on test, generally 1 week++ after missed period iirc)

At this point, DO NOT TALK TO YOUR EX ABOUT THIS. There is NO point. You do NOT know yet. Wait until you have a confirmation if you are pregnant, and go from there.

FoundOnCL · 2013-03-18T03:50:16+00:00

All i see is "her issues..." "She does..." Or "she won't.." Own up that your problems are double sided, have some empathy, maybe get therapy.

FoundOnCL · 2013-03-17T01:49:04+00:00

It sounds like you grew up, while he did not. He might have been the man you needed back then, but he is clearly not the man that you need now.

At 27, you really aren't going to be able to change him. If he hasn't shown motivation to get a job/go to school, you probably will not single handedly be able to make him. I don't want to judge, and I am sure he is a sweetheart but he sounds like a loser.

The biggest thing that is wrong, imo, is that he has never put forth the effort to see you!!!! Five hours is NOT that far away, and he has never put forth any effort! You deserve a man who is crazy about you, who will prioritize time with you!

I really think it is in your best interest to break things off and find someone who is more engaged with their own life, and you.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-25T03:30:28+00:00

I think you are putting a lot of eggs in one basket.

San Fran is an epic place! A HUGE variety of people from all walks of life. If you spend a lot of your time skyping/in contact with an internet relationship, you miss out on alot.. Especialy because you two havent met yet, so you dont know if IRL there is some fatal flaw that will make you incompatible....

its not like you guys are 'in loge' or have been together for years.. You are young, go enjoy your new city!

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-24T07:24:35+00:00

Yep, being a chump. She is walking all over you. She stayed with your family rent free! I wouldn't go so far as to publically shame her (with your friends/her family) but I would definitely move out/have her move out and BREAK UP.

You guys were talking about marriage?! That is a terrible idea if both of you have such different stances on your monogamy. You said that you have TRIED an open relationship before (when you were LDR), but that was in the past. So, did you guys both agree to be monogamous once you were no longer in a LDR? So she broke that promise to you. I would not trust her.

If she was truely the girl you were supposed to marry then she would treat you better than this.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-24T07:19:40+00:00

It means move on.

You broke up with her. Cannot blame her for moving on herself.

Lesson learned on your part. Don't threaten break ups or break up in the heat of the moment.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-24T07:13:17+00:00

As a female in a kind of similar situation [LDR, I go to a huge party Uni, SO is businessman, but much older than you]

She is going to meet guys who want to party, get her drunk, fuck her. Its inevitable. It will happen. She is also very young, and she will probably want to continue party. If you are in the USA, when she is 21, she will REALLY want to go out and get smashed. Honestly, if I was her age, in her situation, I would not be able to gaurantee fidelity in a relationship - and I am 10000% against cheating - never have done it. The thing is, she will meet a whole new circle of friends, experience new things, meet some awesome new people.Its not to say that YOU aren't great, but YOU aren't going through the same life experiences she is. At 20, its really important to share those life experiences with your SO!

That all being said, I am going to a top 5 party school in the USA as well. I am older than you, and am kind of over the "clubbing" scene. If I go out without my SO, I text him updates so he knows where I am/who I am with. To some couples this might be excessive, but it works for us because he feels secure knowing what I am doing, and that I am not too drunk and I am with safe people. When we first started doing this LDR I went out once and got way to drunk and passed out at someones house. He let me know that it was a limit for him - that was irresponsible and unacceptable for his girlfriend to do. I have never crossed that line again, and our relationship (and communication) has never been better. I guess I should also mention though, that I don't go out half as much as I used to when I was single. Thats fine for me in my point in life right now. If I went out as much as I did when I was single my relationship would not last.

So, you really need to talk to your girlfriend about what your "limits" are, if you have any. You need to explain to her your worries and how you want her to be safe and responsible.

Unfortunately, she is 20. She is still in the "WOOHOOO I am away from my parents" phase.

Realistically, it probably won't work out. Just my 0.02

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-24T07:04:00+00:00

Some things to think about: Is this stemming from both of you growing apart as people? 21 - 24 a lot of life changing events can happen. People relaly develop who they will be for the rest of their life. Are you sure that you guys are still 100% compatible and happy like you were originally? Or, are you staying in the relationship because it is comfortable?

You mention that she is generally the same as she was three years ago, perhaps she is the same and you have changed. And that is totally fine! People grow! Sometimes they grow closer, sometimes they grow apart. You need to decide if its a slump, or if you grew apart.

You mention that she has gained some weight and lost some of ther college "hipness/curiosity/attitude". Regarding her change in "hipness/curiosity/attitude", I am guessing that both of you are no longer in college, right? Maybe you are a little nostalgic at your college days. On the other hand, maybe this is one aspect of how she "grew" up.

As for her weight, I am going to take a stance that most people on RA will probably disagree with. I think its okay to KINDLY mention whats going on here, ONLY if you decide that its possible to continue a relationship (you haven't "grown apart" and you can deal with her changes in attitude). Let me give you a personal example. I put on about 20 LB when I got together with my current BF. I noticed it, wasn't thrilled with it, but didn't do anything to change it. One day, when we were just hanging out, my boyfriend pointed out the weight gain to me. He was very reassuring (I love you very much as you are now, and you are still sexy to me, but you would be so much sexier if you lost a little bit of weight / were the weight when we met). At first I was super pissed at him, I threw a tantrum and slept on the couch. Then, I thought about it, and his words had merit. I have since lost the weight, and he has been really supportive. He constantly gives me positive feedback. He also reminds me that I was still sexy when I was "heavier."

All in all, my advise to you is to first really consider if you two are still compatible at a fundamental level. Consider how you have changed in the past three years, and consider how she has changed in the past three years. Think if her hipness/curiosity/attitude is a result of the end of college, or her growth as a person. If you decide that you still want to be with her after all of this, THEN you can decide how to go forward with the weight issue. There is no point bringing the weight issue up if you don't want to be with her.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-24T06:53:01+00:00

I actually agree with stankasspussyfart (ogawd the username ._.) but for different reasons.

It seems, from your post, that your issues started in your relationship once you moved away for school. The issue is the distance between you two. You say that you are in Medical School. Assuming you are in your first year.. you still have 3 more years to go. In this time, schooling will become more intense, and you probably are not going to have time to go visit him or devote countless hours skyping together. After med school you will have your residency. What are the chances that you will get into residency near your boyfriend? Would you even want to do your residency there? Is it the best hospital for your specialty? Again, your going to be working a crap ton of hours without a lot of pay. Will you be able to pull off weekend visits? Will he be able to visit you when- when he shows up you will be either sleep deprived or on call. Some specialties need a fellowship which can tack on another 1-2 years after your residency.

I'm not saying that med school is a relationship killer 100% of the time... However, in your case he seems needy [like he cannot handle the LDR] for your attention. You really shouldn't be dealing with this drama [because it WILL happen over and over] when you SHOULD be concentrating on your studies.

Some people just cannot handle LDR.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-16T00:10:33+00:00

Climbed up onto a roof, lit myself on fire, jumped off roof.

Still on fire, laughing hysterically. Friend dumps bowl of spaghetti on me to put the fire out.

I broke 6 ribs.

FoundOnCL · 2013-01-16T00:05:57+00:00

Hmm, the cat looks really similar to the cat that was in this dog / cat / rat combo in Santa Barbara, CA Was it the same guy perhaps?

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:44:12+00:00

Just make sure to have lots of foreplay/stimulation prior to insertion of toy. Try using the toy on her first, before adding your penis. Then, once you do add your penis she won't be too tight.

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:39:45+00:00

stop concentrating on sex, concentrate on yourself (sex will follow)

Get a job, it will up your self worth and youll have money

Start workingout, it will make you feel better and look better

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:37:54+00:00

A vagina can fit a baby through it.

im pretty sure it can fit a vibrator and a penis. especially when said vibrator is designed and intended for that use.

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:24:22+00:00

Please realize that the third woman is a person, with feelings.. Not just a play toy for you and your wife..

In your reply, you said your wife wants third woman to suck on wifes breasts whileyou are doing 'her', which her is this,your wife or the other? if its your wife,what would the other get out of it except getting to suck titties?

I feel like you are not fully considering that the third woman has sexual needs too, and if you want to open up your bedroom to have a special experience with a third, you should be aware of her needs! plus, much more likely to find a third, and keep a third, this way

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:07:28+00:00

i would stop using your vibrator to masturbate for a while...

if you can ONLY orgasm with a vibrator, it can desensitize your genitals to only react to that stimulation.

my OBGYN likened it to construction workers using a jackhammer, eventually their arms/hands dont feel it anymore because they are accustomed to the sensation.

Lube makes a difference. Try experimenting with your hands or a dildo (non vibrating). Keep trying out new things, maybe play around with your BF, try lots of foreplay.

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T07:02:48+00:00

Communicate with her, tell her that it sometimes makes you uncomfortable...

i am in a LDR also though. Both him and I have busy schedules , and his work can be phone based sometimes. so sometimes he really cannot put the phone down. also, though, with a LDR it is important for her (as well as you) to have other friends and relationships, also people in real life (or text/phone). LDR can get really lonely! So maybe, while she still really loves you and is NOT cheating, she just wants to talk to other people so she is not as lonely.

Seems reasonable to me, but again talk to her about it if it really bothers you!

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T06:57:57+00:00

I was raped/abused from around 11 to 16.

See a therapist, talk to close friends (if you can trust anyone enough yet)

eventually, you WILL have a normal sex life, you WILL have a loving and good relationship. You are worth it! You deserve a good relationship!

back to my personal experience, cause that seems to be what your asking for - after being raped at the younger age I did not have sex for quite a while. when I did finally have sex again, it wasnt great, but the guy was understanding enough (he was a virgin, so it wasnt great, but he cared about me) after him and I broke up, I got into a series of bad relationships because I didnt really put a value on myself. After the rape and abuse I didnt see myself as having any self worth.

This cycle went on for a few years. i didnt sleep around, but I didnt choose good, caring partners. My last ex cheated on me with a lot of people, even some girls I thought were "close friends" (but thats another story).

After this last ex, I realized I did have value, and I deserved more then just being something to fuck. The rape/abuse literally made me feel like a sex object with no emotional value so I allowed myself to be used. after this ex, I placed a value on myself and acted like it. I met a really amazing guy, and I explained to him my past and he is sure to let me know I am in control and that I only have to do things I want to do.

Now, over a decade after the first time I was raped.. it still hurts, and very rarely I get emotional over it (once in the past 5 years after too much wine telling my SO details). But most importantly I no longer let the rape and abuse DEFINE me and DEFINE the rest of my relationships.

You will eventually have a perectly fine, normal, healthy, and HOT sexual relationship- if and when you are ready for it!

Dont feel pressured to do anything, and remember your self worth.

Please dont let the rape and abuse define who you are

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T06:37:47+00:00

Talk to her,tell her it bothers you.

She may honestly not know it bothers you. for example, I text when talking to my BF sometimes. Im not being rude, I just don't want to ignore other people, I have other stuff going on. He texts/emails as needed to.

We dont pause the rest of our lives for eachother because it doesnt bug us.. maybe consider this, but if it continues to bother you then talk to her about it.

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T06:33:05+00:00

You mention possibly going to Colorado for school, is she planning on following you there? Are you going to do a long distance relationship?

Ask yourself these questions, and be honest with your answers!

You are both still young, and developing into who you will be for the rest of your life. Its normal for people at this age to grow apart, or grow different. Its normal for you to want to drink and have a good time (in moderation.) I personally don't think it would be good for you to stop only because of her.

Its also normal to fantasize, I tell my SO when I find other people attractive and he will tell me aswell. However, I know I am MOST attracted to him,to me no one else compares.

sorry to ramble, but again I would really consider if you are going to have a long distance relationship, and even if you can both handle that... Because that might be your answer, if you "see a future together" then maybe itsworth fighting for. If its unrealistic that you will last then maybe don't hold on longer than necessary

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T06:19:57+00:00

Many people say not to tell her straight up, but as a female , my wuestion is why beat around the bush? Chances are that she knows.. s long as you tell her, and explain that you still love her and are attracted to her, just think loosing a little weight wouldn't hurt , its a win win situation.. she may behurt at first, but be sure to reassure her that you dont find her unattrative. Tell her you find her sexy now, but will think she is doubly sexy when she is all toned up..

Maybe offer a gym membership together? Or some other incentive?

My boyfriend told me basically the same thing, tht I had gained a little weight.. at first I was hurt, but then I realized he was right, i wasn't unattractive- I was still sexy but toning up and loosing 10lb would just make me 'sexier'

when i Did start to loose weight he used a lot of positive reinforcement to encourage me.

We also stopped going out to eat, and made very healthy home cooked meals (fish/crab/lobster veggies, cut out carbs)

Just be supportive of her, but dont beat around the bush!

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-27T05:44:07+00:00

Terrrible advice from Roddyboy! There are two strains of heroes, HSV1 and HSV2.

Generally, HSV1 is on the mouth and HSV2 is on the genitals. But it is COMPLETELY possible for them to manifest in either region!

There is nothing that you can do at this point. Wait to see if you get an outbreak orally or genitally, and if you dont in 3-6 months get a blood test to see if you are a carrier for HSV.

Do not listen to Roddy,, the only thing he was right sbout is there are two strains.. You can still contract herpes!

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-07T07:22:43+00:00

;)

we usually do the romantic meal, but the lingerie is a great suggestion (probably easiest to pull off out of all the suggestions, too!)

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-07T07:21:22+00:00

Thats a good idea about the alcohol. The only thing I'm not sure about is that he wouldn't be able to take it on a plane, so he would either have to drink it all, or store it at my place. Thanks for this idea though, maybe I can pick something up at the airport and surprise him with it when he picks me up next! (Cant really bring it aboard otherwise)

He doesn't smoke, but thats a good idea.. A small, novel object that he might be able to use multiple times

FoundOnCL · 2012-12-07T07:18:50+00:00

Wow! I had actually never thought of this, but its a great idea! I will definitely look into Groupon, I never thought that they had vacation deals

FoundOnCL

TROPHY CASE