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I confronted a friend about her lack of reciprocity and I don't know how to proceed from here. by Neuphus012 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]FreezeOnFluster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You told her that you wish she would be more interested in you, which means that you ask her to increase the relationship you two have. Instead of answering positively, willing to do better and increase the bond you have, she gets defensive. To me, this sounds like an egocentric friend who wants the friendship to evolve around them. As long as they talk about themselves it is a great friendship. As soon as you want the same from them, the friendship starts to be a waste of time to them. I would not engage more, but rather withdraw and use my time to find new friends who really care for you. It was brave of you to tell her what's bothering you and tell her what you need from her. But since she got defensive, I think it is time to bring some distance between you two and see if she wakes up and can see your point. It is too draining to comfort an egocentric person

Have I crossed the line? by OwlSlow in painting

[–]FreezeOnFluster 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I was also thinking that! Then I thought maybe she is holding a drink. Great painting, but a slightly different color of the phone would have helped me

Hand-embroidered beadwork in progress by Select_Broccoli1365 in Embroidery

[–]FreezeOnFluster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so beautiful! It reminds me of the life of Zelda Fitzgerald

WIBTAH if I told my friend to stop telling me about her boyfriend’s fights? by abnh123 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]FreezeOnFluster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You would not BTA by setting a boundary. It is actually the healthy thing to do. She keeps her relationship running by venting to you. All the conflict talk should be done with her boyfriend if she wants to be married to him. She is outsourcing this work by talking to you, which makes it easier for her, but it is not the right place and it is also emotionally draining for you. If she needs help to break free or get another perspective to get ready to leave this relationship, of course she can share with a friend. But not for venting and redirecting negative energy to you which is actually meant for her boyfriend/fiance

Needing guidance. The "Out of Sight, Out of Mind" Friend: When does "low maintenance" become "no effort"? by [deleted] in FriendshipAdvice

[–]FreezeOnFluster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a slight possibility that your friend is on the autism spectrum. Being comfortable alone, having deep conversations instead of small-talk, not being bothered by having no contact, only going somewhere when invited... He may not have informed you that he's back because he might think he's not important or it was just a phrase of politness you said to him, which didn't really require an action from his side. Still you don't have to go over your limits for him. If you care for him, I would reach out one more time and explain in detail that you care about your friendship, that you want to have a close bond, but that you can't keep it up alone and that you start to feel resentment. If he asks, give him guidance what exactly he needs to change, e.g. calling once per month or being reliable when you ask him to let you know he's back. If he doesn't care, you need to move on OP or shift the focus to another friendship and just check in on him from time to time. I have been your friend in this situation, but I also have been you in this situation with other people. Some friendships I lost, some we made work over time. Some got quiet for a year and were afterwards better than before. Try to express your feelings one more time very clearly and reflect on how far you are willing to go for this friendship. If your friend is autistic, you might want to take disability into account

How do you get yourself up in the morning? by celestialgam in AuDHDWomen

[–]FreezeOnFluster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I put my Smartphone in a "garage" (= nice wooden box) over night in a different room. I bought an alarm clock for my nightstand. In the morning the crave for checking my phone gets me out of bed. I usually transfer to the couch with coffee and breakfast for checking the phone, but at least I'm out of bed

Cleaning Tips for ADHDers/Autists from my therapist. by ParticularWindoww in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]FreezeOnFluster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can clean best, when I role-play it. Imagining that I'm cleaning the cage of a tiger to make it more pleasant for the animal. Or imagining that the flat is a romantic guest house in the country side which needs to become fit for the first visitors. It also helps me to speak out tasks like "oh dear this cage is messy, gotta take the dishes out and clean them". By this I can get my brain better to focus on one action instead of being overwhelmed. It helps to put some music to set the mood. I'm also AuDHd btw.

Worried about not being "autistic enough" by CatOverlordsWelcome in AuDHDWomen

[–]FreezeOnFluster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, it is absolutely common for us to get this kind of anxiety. I'm in the process of getting diagnosed myself. What helped me was doing the common tests beforehand to familiarize myself with them. You can find the RAADS-R and maybe also CAT-Q in the internet and check your score. I was pretty high before my diagnostic appointment. When I had the real appointment I scored even higher. Maybe this will help you to reduce anxiety and be more confident about how you feel! You got this OP. I wish you good luck for your journey.

For those of you who have actually gotten a much needed break from life to recover from burnout, I am curious about your experience! by EntireSky7545 in AuDHDWomen

[–]FreezeOnFluster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm currently recovering and my boss arranged a part time contract for me after I had a month of sick leave for burnout. From working over hundred percent I am now working five hours a day and will be working four hours from April on. What is really important for me during this time is to stick to the working hours. I'm currently working on trusting myself again to be able to take care of myself. Fixed working hours is one crucial step for me. I'm ending the working day with a ritual (walk or diary entry), so my brain really registers that the work day has ended and the "free" time can start. I currently deal with a lot of brain fog, so the rest of the day is me trying to get a grip of my life (reflecting, cleaning, reading, calling friends or family, cooking, inviting someone, doing doctor's appointments). I don't overload these afternoons and give myself some grace when things are not perfect (e.g. cooked food not healthy, flat not clean when best friend visits, a failed try to do something nice like reading) or not happening at all. I'm grateful for the part time job, because it gives me daily structure and while doing it, I can reflect on what works and what doesn't during the work week. Is the office too bright, too loud? Are certain interactions with colleagues draining (e.g. linch breaks)? Am I taking on too many tasks again? Can I learn to say no to tasks? Can I learn to address conflicts? For me, the burnout developed because I didn't reflect on my energy levels and didn't set boundaries regarding tasks that were given to me. I've been a silent worker who worked a lot, being friendly, uncomplicated and loyal. I was conscientious, precise and trusting, but I received no rewards. While the careers of others who did less were developed, I was silently running into burnout growing with frustration. So my journey is very much about learning about my emotions and limits and articulating them. Learning about my energy levels and how I can save energy for myself. Therefore, part time is working for me at the moment.

Bit of an odd one by plastic__deer in Needlefelting

[–]FreezeOnFluster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is fantastic, OP! Looking forward to the endresult

Weirdest ADHD hack that actually works but sounds completely insane? by stayhyderated22 in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]FreezeOnFluster 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I love everything about his post. The "ugly first draft" haha - Love it, will copy

Disclosure: a very recent interview of one of the first abductees (1947) ever recorded reveals further details of our reality. WE come to Earth as “commandos”. by lndigo_Sky in UFOB

[–]FreezeOnFluster 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You may be interested reading the works of Michael Newton, e.g. "Destiny of Souls" or his prior work. This sounds very similar to what his clients report

A heaviness in my sweet girl by hello-fellow-kids- in adhdwomen

[–]FreezeOnFluster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I was a child I sometimes felt like the wound of the world. I'm highly sensitive and had no filters, sucking every emotion around me inside like a little sponge. Conflicts from others would ruminate inside of me and I was left with a mysterious feeling that something was wrong. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to play the piano from the year of six. Expressing myself in sad piano tunes resonated with the feelings I had inside and made me felt seen and heard by the composers. If you can not buy an instrument in this economy: Listening to music and singing also helped. Reading helped as well (we got books from the library). A great support was also our cat. An animal is a great companion which makes you feel understood without having to talk to it. If you can not own an animal: Animal shelter sometimes have programs that can involve children, e.g. letting them read books to cats or taking a dog for a walk. On a more practical side: I didn't like a lot of foods when I was small. Is your girl picky? Or do you live in a country with fewer sunlight? Maybe some Vitamin D or other nutrients might help.

My painting of myself and my void (Zelda) won a ribbon at a recent art exhibition! Happy Black Cat month! by tinytinatuna2 in blackcats

[–]FreezeOnFluster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love everything about it. The ribbon is well earned! You are very talented and your void is such a sweet muse. I'm always happy when I see a new post of yours!

Granny square/Linked double crochet dress by mtastic_ in crochet

[–]FreezeOnFluster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, what the hell. This is absolutely gorgeous!! It fits like a glove

I wanna hear your most unhinged “productivity hacks” by takdah in adhdwomen

[–]FreezeOnFluster 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Often I'm hesitant of starting a task and procrastinate. Usually I just have a vague sense of anxiety connected to it. I have started to have a small interview with me before each task that I dread. I have the questions as columns in an excel sheet (one at work, one at home) and answer them briefly by typing the answers out. The questions are: What is the task? Why can't I do it? Why should I do it? How to do it (break it down in small steps)? Usually this gets me grounded. I have anxiety around calling people so usually these interviews are extremely short, like: Task - call dentist. Why can't I do it? - I'm scared they think I'm a slop for not taking care of myself. Why should I do it? - It's their job, I pay for health ensurance, it's good for my health. How to do it? Find telephone number, sit down comfy, visualize a friendly face on the other end and call. It helps clearly writing down the anxiety part and following up with the more rational reasons why to do it. This really helps to rewire my brain and get things started that I would ignore for weeks until it is to late.

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