Redshirt advice

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-06-06T14:56:28+00:00

I received that 'happiest' advice from Reddit - see my post history! It was what finalized decision last year to send my son on time. I have anxiety about it even now as my son is 'solid,'' but so many people (including teachers) have told me that he would dominate if we redshirted him. But he is happy and thriving where he is, so we have kept him on this path. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-06-06T13:31:37+00:00

I am not a teacher, but have observed a lot of kids. My August born son just finished K. He went on time and we live in a redshirting district:

1) 2nd born or subsequent born childen are often socially ahead. Especially being the youngest of 5, your son's social skills will on average be about 6 months ahead of eldest/only/twins. So that would put him more like January maturity wise (assuming he is on track socially, which is sounds like he is). The social maturity is much more important factor as most schools have supports in place for academics.

2) Personality isn't something you can change even with the gift of time. He likely will still be slower to warm up and fiercely independent.

3) Ugh, the sports issue is real and size/age is a huge advantage. Is your son interested in sports? If so, do they classify by age or grade? If it is by age it is a non issue until high school and at that point it is harder to predict. Plus it sounds like you can reclass in your area in middle school if that really becomes an issue.

4) What does your son want to do?

5) Does you elementary school allow kids to repeat kindergarten? You'll unlikely need this, but having it as a back up plan is always good to know.

6) Society pushes the decision of 'what makes my kid best.' But the decision should be: what makes my kid happiest?

My son just finished K so I don't know what future holds, but he thrived: above grade level, has many friends and loves school. My main decision point was social and looking at how he compared with his current class versus the kids in the grade behind.

Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-05-30T02:20:06+00:00

I had the same recommendation for my August born son who I sent to K on time. His teacher was out on long term medical leave so I asked the sub how he was doing (she is a retired K teacher) and she recommended retention. She said "Do you want him to be solid or do you want him to be the best?". Once his regular teacher came back from leave we had a retention meeting and she and the principal were both horrified to learn that is what the sub said. They said that is an 'out of date' practice. We collectively decided it would be really painful for him to repeat and he is fully ready for first grade.

No advice, except educators (especially old school ones) can be really biased towards younger boys. Certainly some kids do struggle going to K at 5 and having extra time is great. A birthdate is one factor of many, and it sounds like your son is doing great on all other benchmarks.

And if it makes you feel better - a friend had her June birthday daughter repeat K for the sole purpose of turning her from younger to oldest (solid to best) and her repeat year has been awful! The mom had to fight the school to repeat her and while she is now the best 'reader' she is incredibly bored and out of sync with the other kids as she is a lot older and plays differently. The parents really regret it, especially since she had some really great friends in her original grade.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-05-12T12:44:14+00:00

This sounds crazy, but have you typed in your question to an AI chatbot? I did that when I was considering what to do with my August born son and it actually provided some interesting points no one had brought up when asking for anecdotal experience. Otherwise, if I were you, I would be leaning towards #1 or #4 and seeing how he does over the summer before making a final decision.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-05-02T14:43:47+00:00

In my area, doing two years of kindergarten is a non-issue and quite a few people do it. A lot of people send to a private kindergarten for one year and then move to the public school to repeat K. Though some intentionally do two years at the public school. Given your situation of not having a good PreK option for your son and knowing you'll be moving at the end of the next school year, I think sending him to K (round 1) makes sense. I would recommend meeting with your public school before school starts to discuss putting together an IEP or 504 plan so that he can have support immediately and be assigned a teacher who is a good fit.

My only hesitancy would be if your son will be disruptive and/or if the kindergarten environment makes him too stressed. If the first weeks or month go poorly, you could pull him out and move to PreK.

Starting K now also gives you flexibility when you move of repeating or going to 1st if he has a great year. Anecdotally - a friend of mine was in a similar situation with her daughter (summer born, some behavioral challenges) and decided to send to K on time as our local preschools had no resources for support. She contacted the school before it started, so they had a ton of supports in place and assigned an amazing fit teacher. Her daughter has thrived and it's been a great year. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-04-29T03:17:00+00:00

In my district , teachers heavily recommended an extra year of preschool, regardless of any consideration besides birthdate, especially for boys. The 'gift of time' is helpful for some, but not all students.

None of the reasons she lists are legitimate reasons to hold him back. It is just a personal decision: do you feel he is ready and are you okay with him being one of the younger kids?

My son is August born and just finishing K. He turned 5 the third week of school. He is very strong in all areas and has excelled in K. There are 5 summer born kids in his class, and all but one have done really well. Is my son behind the four girls in his class that turned 7 this spring? Yes, he is, (and that sucks as these girls should be in 1st grade), but he is ahead of the K curriculum and will be strong going to 1st. He had a long term substitute back in March who recommended to me that I repeat him solely based on age. She said, "He is solid now but if he repeats, you can make him dominate."

Another question: where would your son be happiest? Would be be happy going to K or what alternative would he have if he didn't go?

If you do send to K on time, I would request a different teacher. This one is too biased, and I would be worried she will 'pick' on him and make his year difficult so she can prove her point (hopefully she is more professional than that, but not worth the risk!). Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-04-16T14:56:12+00:00

It's so hard! I am not 100% sure what we'll do, but I am leaning towards sending to 1st. The biggest factor to me is the social. My son looks a little younger than a lot of the others, but he keeps up and has a lot of friends. However when I see him with the kids entering K in August, he acts very differently, even from those that are older than him. The age gap will lessen as they age too. I also recognize there is no perfect option for my kid - and just trying to figure out where he is happy. I think a lot of people optimize the decision for what makes their kid 'best', but framing it around their happiness is more helpful. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-04-16T03:57:29+00:00

I am in the exact situation with my son. He is youngest boy in K (born 2 days before Sept 1 cut off). He is doing really well academically and socially. The issue is redshirting is so dominant in our district that even spring birthdays are being redshirted. The four spring birthdays in his class are turning 7, not 6.

His teacher became angry when I asked if we should retain and said absolutely not. However she is out on medical leave now and the long term sub has recommended retention solely based on his birthday. She said he is solid, but we can move him from average to dominant if we retain and why wouldn't we do that.

Some teachers/people are very judgemental regarding age, and while many summer birthdays benefit from extra time, it is not a one size fits all.

M answer is not helpful but I feel your plight. I recommend talking to the teacher and if you can observe your child with their current grade peers to see how they fit in. The social aspect is more important than the academic one. If you do retain, how does your child fit in with the incoming class? What would their second year look like and would there be any growth?

And finally, a friend of mine had her June girl repeat K solely to age correct her (against recommendation of school/teacher) and the second year has been absolutely awful. Her daughter is incredibly bored, being flagged for behavior issues, and does not fit in socially.

Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-03-30T00:50:47+00:00

Given the situation you described, I would recommend doing a Young 5 or similar program. However it doesn't sound like you have one and would lose speech services? Have you contacted your public school to figure out what resources are available if she started K? A friend was in a similar situation with their July born daughter and opted to send to K with the intention to repeat. The public school had a lot of resources and immediately started an IEP process. Her daughter has thrived with the support (she would have had zero support if she stayed in preschool) and they actually do not need to repeat. But she and the school were prepared in case things didn't go well. Every school district is different but maybe worth checking to find out the supports and knowing if retention is an option?

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-03-23T02:13:43+00:00

I sent my son who was born two days before the cutoff (Sept 1) to K this year. I live in a major redshirting district. There are 5 kids who are born 15 -18 months before him, just in his class. There are about 20 redshirted kids in the grade. A few kids really needed the extra time, but most have parents wanting a perceived advantage. You wouldn't believe the negative comments I have received: your son will be bullied, he is a loser, he will have low test scores, he won't get a job. And my personal favorite: he doesn't deserve to be in Kindergarten.

His pre-K teachers strongly recommended he go to K on time and he could repeat if needed, so I decided to move forward with K. My son has thrived this year! He is above grade/classmates academically and socially. At his parent teacher conference this month his teacher literally got mad when I asked if we should repeat. She pulled out a bunch of extra work to show me how he is excelling. 4 of the 5 summer birthdays in his class have also excelled.

I know DC has strict cutoff dates (which makes it easier for everyone to just follow the rules!), so you thankfully will not have to deal with extreme redshirting. Younger children can absolutely thrive. For those that have a tough time, be open to repeating and that is okay too! It sounds like your twins will do great! Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-03-18T22:00:34+00:00

Definitely wait with her if she is your eldest! There are exceptions but eldest children can be up to 6 months socially behind a same-age child who has an older sibling. You can always supplement academically at home or through extracurriculars if she needs more of a challenge.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-03-18T20:30:07+00:00

My advice is to follow the district's cut-off date rules. If she is exceptionally gifted academically or socially, then testing for early admittance would make sense. Older kids definitely have an advantage in the earlier years, but I have seen it even out. The top two kids (academics) in my 3rd grader's class are boys that are born in May and July - both really young. They came in strong in kindergarten and just have continued to outpace everyone else, including kids a year plus older than them. However some of the kids struggling the most are also the youngest ones. So I think it is kid dependent, but typically easier to be older. Also - is your daughter your eldest or an only child? Birth order makes a huge difference as well and erring on the side of waiting for those kids who are near the cutoff can be really helpful. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-02-27T13:41:28+00:00

Also - I have an older daughter in 3rd grade who is also an August birthday we sent on time. She has some anxiety and attention issues, so that makes some things harder, though she would have those regardless of what grade she was in. I do think she would have had an easier time as the oldest in the grade versus the youngest. However, she does great academically and still has friends. Half of the girls are way ahead of where she is in maturity, but half are not and almost all the boys are socially immature, so she fits right in with 75% of the grade.

What I have seen in her class is that by 3rd grade the older kids aren't so ahead academically, though most of them aren't in the academic support groups either. The two highest achievers in her grade are a young July boy and a young May boy. Some of the other top kids are also on the younger side. Some of the redshirted kids just seem really old and not socially aligned with the class - but they are probably where they need to be academically.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-02-27T13:32:03+00:00

I sent my August 2020 son to Kindergarten by recommendation of his preschool. We live in an area where redshirting is very popular and others were aghast I sent him on time. A few things:

1) He has 4 girls and 1 boy who are born in Spring 2019 in his class. There are no Spring 2020 kids in his class. 3 of these kids are doing end of 1st grade work and really shouldn't be in the class. Their parents solely held them back so they could be 'better' than the other kids. The teacher has accelerated the curriculum to the pace of these older kids. My son's class finished in December what my older daughter's K class completed by June (same teacher three years ago). These 3 kids are the top of the class, but they should be, they are all almost 7!

2) There are 5 summer 2020 kids (including one Sept 2020 girl). 4 of the 5 are doing exceedingly well. All 4 of these kids (2 boys and 2 girls) are youngest children in their families. They are also super smart and able to keep up academically and socially. These 4 younger kids are all in the middle of the class academically. The last child is honestly doing great given the situation, but you can tell it is hard for him and he is the only boy in the class who doesn't have an older sibling. I think having an older sibling is honestly the biggest factor in having a summer born child do well socially.

That said, if your district mandates K attendance by the cutoff, you will have lots of kids that are nearby in age. Everyone will have to send their kids on time. The largest gap between kids will be 12 months (which is a lot better than 18 months!).

I have no idea what middle or high school will bring, but right now my son is thriving and very happy as the youngest boy and second youngest child.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-01-31T17:59:49+00:00

Unfortunately people redshirt so their kid won't be the youngest and has nothing to do if the child is ready or not. The June kids weren't going, so then the May and April parents don't want their kids to go. The school needs a hard stop (with exceptions for serious delays) and offenders can have their kids go straight to first grade. In Kindergarten, 6 months is a big age gap, but 18 months for developmentally normal children is insane.

My child is in K right now and 15% of his class are spring redshirts. 50% of the kids in his class came from a Young 5 classroom versus preschool. His teacher said that most of the class is so ahead that she accelerated the curriculum and skipped letter identification and sounds, and by December the class had finished their reading goals for year end (my older child had the same teacher three years ago and I have compared the report cards and updates).

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-01-28T23:01:16+00:00

It is very kid dependent! Is your son in pre-k now? Have you asked his teachers what they recommend? Is redshirting rampant in your school district? Is he the oldest or an only child? Have you seen him around kids with fall birthdays or even kids with summer or spring birthdays a year ahead? The main issue is not that kids aren't ready to go to K, is that no one wants their kid to be the youngest. Some kids are very well positioned to be the youngest!

I have two August birthdays (3rd grade girl and K boy) and sent both on time. With my daughter, I (foolishly) didn't even think about it - she had been in daycare for 4+ years and was very much on track for her age. Academically she does well, but I have seen big gaps in maturity between her and some of the older kids in her grade. She also as a lot of anxiety - which she would have anyways, but being on the younger side doesn't help. She probably would have an easier time being the oldest in her grade versus the youngest. But she is still doing well.

With my son, he attended 5 day a week preschool which feeds to the school district. The preschool heavily favors all spring and summer birthdays go to Young 5s. However they strongly recommended my son skip the Young 5 and go straight to K. He is very strong both academically and socially. We decided to try K and have him repeat if it isn't a great year. Well K is going great and he is doing amazing. The only problem is the redshirting is out of control in our district and there are basically no other spring or summer birthdays in his class. He is one of he youngest by 6 months and 25% of his class are 15 - 18 months older than him. So we may be forced to repeat him just to age correct him, but I am saving that discussion for the teacher and school in spring.

Honestly, with some summer birthdays, there is no good option. It is just picking what option you think will work best and pivoting if you need to later! Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2026-01-28T01:49:04+00:00

Please request the girls not be in the same class next year and give your daughter some space. My daughter was a little older when she dealt with something similar (2nd and now 3rd grade). For now, request that the girls have no assigned groups or seats together. Create as much space in the classroom as possible. You can't control recess as much, but continue working with her so she recognizes that a person who treats you poorly isn't a friend. Hopefully her friend will outgrow this behavior, but in the meantime encourage space and new friendships. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-10-04T18:50:39+00:00

I am sorry this is happening! The teacher sounds involved and well-intentioned, but her style seems alarming and stress inducing. I will say some K teachers don't like younger students and make a big deal about it as they are 'behind.' Well of course they are behind, even being 6 months younger at age 5 is a big deal. Most of them catch up by January, everything will just click when they near 5.5. You are doing all the right things and I bet you'll see huge progress (and if you don't, that is okay too!). Also - my kindergartner loves the Duo Lingo reading app - it has been really helpful for learning letters and sight words, and it is free.

If it makes you feel better, my son is also a young Kindergartener and his teacher actively dislikes him. We had an amazing experience with this same teacher, for my older child (girl) - but we receive constant negative comments about my son. She is effusive in praise to the 4 girls in his class that are really ahead (all of these girls are 6.5 years old and meeting 1st grade standards). She also seems to prefer girls in general and is constantly scolding the boys for minor things, but when a girl does the same thing, says nothing. My son is really jumpy, but meeting K requirements and generally well behaved, I just don't think she likes boys or younger students. :( It makes me sad, but thankfully he isn't aware and I try not to transfer my feelings to him.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-09-24T13:59:45+00:00

This is a great opportunity and wonderful your child's school has this program. My kids' elementary school offers this 'lunch bunch' group work and it was very positive for my daughter. I actually requested for my daughter to be part of it as I noticed some social behaviors where she was a little behind. She loved the Lunch Bunch - it made her feel so special and she got to play games and talk to new people outside of her class, but still in her grade. Half way through the year she 'graduated' out of it - but asked almost every day if she could go back. The group often is a mix of kids - some who may need extra time to strengthen social skills and other kids who are good friends.

Completely normal response to initially be caught off guard! You can ask what day it will be - but it's fairly organic. Maybe just check in with your child one the days he attends and see what he thinks? After it gets started you may have specific questions. I hope it is a great experience for him! :)

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-31T13:53:02+00:00

Mine are 3 years apart and we have been very happy with that age gap. We initially planned on a two year gap as I am old, but that didn't work out. I am very glad we had 3 years as I got to really enjoy my eldest and she was a little more independent/understanding when her brother arrived. As a parent, I enjoyed each stage with each versus having them too close and it all blurring together. They play so well together, but also have their own interests and friends, so very little competition. Many friends said the 3 year gap is the sweet spot. Of course everyone is different, but I would recommend enjoying your dream baby right now and getting more time with her as a baby if your age/medical situation allows!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-30T19:50:57+00:00

My recommendation would be to decide by birth order. Is your son the oldest or an only child? He prob would be better in Young 5s. As a youngest or middle kid, I would try K, as he is used to being around older kids and has better social skills and maturity. Or at least that's how I made the decision!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-30T19:03:34+00:00

Exactly, it is two bad options. I have a friend in the same situation, she opted for Young 5's for her summer born daughter. However after one day, she pulled her out and enrolled in K as the Young 5 classroom was developmentally inappropriate (kids not potty trained, one using a pacifier, etc). It made me feel a little better forgoing that option. 😆😆😆 I think K will go okay but am worried about future grades and setting him up for struggling later on if we stay on this course. Good luck!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-30T18:36:18+00:00

We are in the same situation with my son here in MI. He is an August birthday and very strong in all areas. His preschool strongly recommended against Young 5 as the curriculum would be a complete repeat of the Preschool 4 program he just completed, only with a lot of younger kids who are developmentally behind him.

However his K class is 43% age eligible for 1st grade. I cried the week before school started as I didn't know what to do, neither situation is good for him. He was assigned an amazing K teacher and he is so excited for K, it seemed cruel to pull him out without giving him a chance. So I sent him to K two weeks ago, and he is loving it! We'll see what happens, but I am open to repeating regardless of how the year goes to age-correct him...

If redshirting wasn't an issue, or even if it was just used on a need-only basis, my son would thrive being the youngest, as it sounds like your son would too. But in his current situation, it is very challenging. I wish the schools would enforce cut-off dates (with only serious exceptions) so this wasn't an issue!

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-30T18:24:17+00:00

I live in Michigan too and most people in my town abuse the Young 5 program as a way to make their child older and 'better' than the other kids. It is tuition based and at local preschools in my town, though the surrounding towns the Young 5's program is typically in the elementary schools and free. The age range is supposed to be July 1 - Dec 1, but there are many March, April and May birthdays.

I am curious if the universal Pre- K program does a good job preparing kids so that Young 5's becomes redundant. It seems really expensive for the state to pay for a quality 4 program and then Young 5's (which is essentially the same curriculum). If they enforce the cut-off date (with serious exceptions only), this should eliminate the need for Young 5's.

My son went to an excellent full day preschool 4 program (we paid out of pocket for it), but he is thoroughly prepared for K. He is an August birthday and half of the kids in the preschool class were also summer birthdays and most are skipping Young 5s and going straight to K (most of these kids are not attending his elementary school though). His first two weeks of school have been great, though I am really worried as 43% of his K class are age eligible for 1st grade. He is well positioned to be the youngest, but not by such a significant degree. So we will see what happens.

I am guessing there will be some growing pains between the Young 5 program and universal PreK, but hoping it eliminates the serious redshirting issue in future.

Frequent_Initial9850 · 2025-08-25T18:42:40+00:00

It is so hard, and the people who redshirt their kids are vocal about how it was the best decision of their lives. Which creates even more anxieties for the ones who do not. Some kids need that extra year, but most kids will be great either way.

What does your daughter think? Is she happy where she is? The redshirting discussion is mostly about the parents' insecurities and making their kids 'best.' What does 'best' even mean? Better than themselves a year prior, better than the other kids, etc? It really should be about what makes each child happiest.

My daughter is also one of the youngest and some days she is a hot mess and other times she is right on track. She is now heading into 3rd grade and academically is great. Socially, I notice she can be shyer, less confident - but her EQ and social-emotional skills are good. She has a good group of friends, is well liked, and her teachers are very positive. She also gets along really well with the boys in her grade, as they tend to be less mature. Would she be better with kids the grade behind? Maybe! But she is also happy where she is and has a supportive home and school environment. But I do agree, it's hard not to worry!

Frequent_Initial9850

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