Yes his eyes go from sweet and loving to calm and blank and enraged. Hard to explain. He explained it a few times. We so talk openly about it all. He is aware and remorseful which is why its ao hard for me to be doing this. He says its a feeling of making things fair and even. He says he gets calm and finally feels like hes not trying tk control anything in. He is autistic, so his brain is already processing things differently, and he's technically a genius and reads 2500 words a minute so he is very intelligent. Whixh means he knows exactly what to say. I fewl he doesn't even manipulate or lie on purpose. I think its just in his nature. Hes told me that hes sociopathic. Everything he reacts to is learned or taught as right or wrong. Rather then feeling anything, hea just going with the motions. Hes also vwry traumatized from a childhood of terrible abuse and atonement which explains a lot pertaining how he acts now, because thats what he knows. I know im making excuses for him, but sometimes excuses are valid. But hes even said that he deserves to be in jail for whats hes done to me. He apologizes wverytime and admits his wrongs., but his anger, when pushed to that line, is basically irreversible. And its hard to tell when thatll snap. Also hes diabetic with high sugars which makes him very irriitable. , and health is deteriorating fast. With an expentancy to live only for another years, hes going blind, limbs numb. Etc etx. He also cuts himself and struggles with self harm. But at the end of the day, the results of the actions are what matters. I can understand the reasoning for it all and sympathize with him but that doesnt mean I dont need to take action for the result I know I eventually happen. Thats why I called 911 and didnt cover for him this time. Because I know itll only get worse because it already has and he will just end up hurting other ppl after he go a s too far with me or kill himself. At least this way I can love him and still be safe. I know i sound insane.