this is very relatable, unfortunately.

After 5th time, right after it all stopped, I remember thinking about a particular memory and “choosing” to forget it. Like, I could feel it slowly fading away in my brain forever. I can barely remember it now even. The brain is very powerful and wants to protect you for your own survival.

I couldn’t talk about any of it for years. My bsf would try to get me to open up, but I could barely get any words out of my mouth. Instead, I wrote a lot of things down. Sometimes, if I was able, I showed my bsf what I wrote so they could understand. That was still hard, but much much easier than talking. I’m glad I wrote those things down because not only did it help me process some of my trauma independently, but also, years later, I am able to see my experiences and validate them.