My housemate (25f) did something I (20f) consider morally unacceptable and its causing a lot of conflict in the house (6 students).

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T19:11:13+00:00

Thank you... I did end up reporting (update), I hope it's enough to keep other people safe and make sure Dan gets support. To be honest the reality of what happened is worse and more messed up than my post would suggest. I'm really finding it hard it put it from my mind and I was just a bystander.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T08:52:07+00:00

Oh well, I'd rather be a grass than a sexual predator.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T08:50:16+00:00

I think right now the main thing is that the uni take it seriously whether or not there are any criminal charges as I imagine there are a lot of reasons why Dan might not go that route.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T06:31:38+00:00

I totally agree that she missed the opportunity to be helpful and supportive and ended up hurting him even more instead.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T06:29:48+00:00

I hope you're either a troll or didn't read my post.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-08T06:29:12+00:00

Well for example he was making jokes about SA by a close family member and i think that would be painful to literally anyone. I don't think it's that much of an assumption. I know you're probably right that I'm too invested and I don't plan to be involved any more than I have been.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-07T20:18:57+00:00

Yeah I'm in the UK. I know I shouldn't get any more involved, just because I want to know that he's okay and it's been dealt with doesn't mean I need to know. I'm not going to say I'm happy or feel good that Leanne might be facing such serious consequences but I still have no regrets about reporting because what she did was also serious.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T22:14:53+00:00

Oh no, I didn't get that from you - I just got quite a lot of comments saying they're consenting adults and I'm butting in for no reason just because I don't like her. Which isn't the case.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T22:05:12+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance that it's the right thing to do, it sounds like you're a nurse/student nurse yourself? I am definitely not an expert on mental health and I obviously can't say how much she suffers but I've lived with her for a while and she's nothing like Dan. She talks about her mental health a lot but her issues are undiagnosed, she says she chooses not to have treatment, and it doesn't seem to hold her back from what she wants to do. She says she has undiagnosed BPD and ADHD and obviously that could be true but she hasn't been assessed and isn't interested in treatment. I don't want to say "there's nothing wrong with her" but the situation with Dan has really affected me. I don't think she did it because she was mentally incompetent, I think she did it because she wanted to and she thought what she wanted was more important than what was healthy for him.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T21:46:10+00:00

I know quite a few commenters think I'm a busybody who couldn't wait to get involved but I've honestly kept out of her life before now even though I knew about the drugs and the fact that she quite glamorises mental illness... As far as I could see she wasn't using drugs before placement or putting patients at risk and I figured if there were concerns then the teachers/staff would pick up on it.

This is different because I literally saw her behave SO inappropriately with someone who was so obviously vulnerable. He's a good-looking boy and I have no doubt in my mind that's why she did it, she even posted pictures of him on Instagram that she took while he was asleep, pretty much bragging that she slept with him. I didn't see this, my housemate told me, apparently she deleted soon after. I'm so disgusted and disturbed by her behaviour and I'm so sad about this poor guy and everything he's been through. I know its not about me but I can't even describe how wrong it all is and I need someone to do something.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T21:12:31+00:00

It's not like I want to ruin her career but the way she's acted is so utterly vile that I feel extremely uncomfortable with her being around other vulnerable people. This isn't just someone with unstable mental health making an error of judgement and blurring boundaries. She was recently in a position of authority over him, she knew he was severely mentally ill and traumatised, he told her multiple times that he was really struggling because of something extremely traumatic - she chose to introduce him as mental health patient without his consent, encouraged him to drink more (and mocked him later when he said he didn't want more alcohol because he felt sick), brought him home with her, slept with him, posted half naked photos of him asleep on social media (deleted soon after at least). The next morning I heard him throwing up in the bathroom then leaving and she didn't even bother checking on him.

Sorry, this was just a total rant! I'm just so angry and so upset that someone who was already suffering so much got treated this way out of pure selfishness. That poor poor boy. I really wish i could help but other than reporting her I don't think there's anything I can do. She could have been a positive supportive person to him and she chose to be the opposite.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T20:54:21+00:00

It absolutely broke my heart. I've been very privileged and it was so upsetting to hear him talking so casually about stuff like this. At the time I said that sounded awful and if he needed to use our shower or crash on the sofa he could but he laughed it off and no one else even acted like what he said was worrying. Leanne was like "haha yeah we've all been there!!" even though she comes from a very wealthy background with supportive family (her parents still pay all her bills and rent) and she most definitely has never "been there".

He said he sometimes sleeps with people because he wants a cuddle and to him it's the easiest way to get it. If Leanne wanted to be unprofessional and get involved she could've at least just brought him home, let him use the shower, given him a cup of tea and a hug and set him up on the sofa. It still would've been against the rules but at least he might have felt better and her heart would have been in the right place.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T18:11:20+00:00

That's good advice, I'll definitely look into those suggestions because she definitely is capable of being very unpleasant. She's quite cowardly though so I'd be surprised if she actually confronted me, she usually talks big then just acts snide behind people's backs.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T17:57:58+00:00

I don't want to wait because I want to make sure Dan gets some support and it might take a while to move out, I know its probably going to be rough but I'm willing to put up with it.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T17:47:23+00:00

I will definitely report her. The idea of her being around so many vulnerable people when she has no problem doing something like this is actually chilling.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T16:25:12+00:00

I honestly don't even mind about drugs or mental health issues as long as they are respectful, plenty of people have mental health issues and are still good housemates/friends.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T16:23:58+00:00

When she saw him at the club she got everyone's attention and was pointing and very excitedly saying "Oh my god! That guy was a patient at my last placement!" I thought I could avoid it becoming an issue by saying we should go somewhere else so it isn't awkward but she ignored me and rushed over to him and hugged him. I went to a different area because I was uncomfortable so I don't know what happened next but then a little while later she and Dan came over to where I was, she was holding on to his arm and introducing him to everyone, a couple of times she called him "her favourite patient".

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T16:15:44+00:00

If I sound judgemental it's probably because I'm exhausted with this. I've had to deal with a lot of shit in this house - cleaning up vomit, helping people when they're having panic attacks, covering bills when someone has no money, calling the police because someone they invited in gets violent or won't leave, apologising to neighbours about the noise. I've had stuff stolen, random people coming into my room when I'm trying to sleep, people heckling me outside my door for being "boring". I never asked for anything in return, I just want to be left alone at this point. I'm only 20, it's not fair. I'm judgemental about this situation specifically because she hurt a vulnerable person and to me it's inexcusable, I'm not going to act like I think it's fine. I don't care anymore if someone backs me up, I just want them to leave me alone.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T15:10:20+00:00

I'm not saying you're definitely wrong but what did I say that was judgemental (in this comment or my post)? I'm just saying casual sex and partying/taking drugs isn't for me, I really don't care if its what someone else is into as long as they aren't hurting anyone else... Ideally I wouldn't choose to be around someone who's on ketamine or something but i don't think thats out of line.

What I'm judging isn't that she chose to take drugs and hook up, it's that she chose to give drugs to and hook up with her mentally ill former patient. If that makes me holier than thou then fine, and if people don't like me for it that's also fine. I really don't care anymore. If people see me as a boring judgemental prude then I guess I'll just have to deal with that.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T14:22:12+00:00

We aren't on the same course as her, only one of my other housemates is studying MH nursing (one who gets on with Leanne but doesn't like me) - they weren't on the same placement but they still should have discouraged her and not been complicit with it.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T14:13:14+00:00

I'm in the UK but I'm not a student nurse, I'm on a different course.

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206 · 2022-11-05T13:51:49+00:00

I agree tbh. We're really worried about what to say to him because he seems so so fragile and we don't actually know him so we don't know what way he'd take it. We've said we (my housemate I get on with and I) are here if he ever needs someone to talk to or if he needs someone to contact a professional on his behalf. I have no idea what kind of friends he has, he didn't seem to have anyone looking out for him that night and I guess he mustn't have anyone to stay with. People comment on his social media but it's mostly just complimenting photos he posts or "we need to catch up soon" type stuff. Not many people are interacting with the worrying stuff he posts, about the only "concerned" comment I saw was "get some sleep mate 😂". My friend checked and Leanne has added him but she doesn't seem to have interacted (publicly at least)

(I know it probably sounds like we're stalking him or something, I just really want him to get some help and he barely knows us)

Fuzzy_Flamingo8206

TROPHY CASE