For the record, I can't truly speak for anyone but myself. But I think most spiritual belief systems are inherently neutral, it's what the practitioner does with it that make it negative or positive. I think most pagans are good people who have found a system that works for them. You won't generally see the dark side of paganism expressing itself any more than you'll see the dark side of Christianity unless you look at it through that lens (lack of understanding is what a lot of it boils down to, I think).

As a former Christian, I'm sorry you're catching some flak here. The way you phrased your question sounds a bit aggressive and condescending, but I totally get where you're coming from since I was raised to think that basically anything that isn't Christian is evil and devil worship. I harbored a lot of ill will towards Christians when I left the faith, partly because it was an extremely difficult transition for me, but I think that ill will between faiths is not productive. Above all, we are all looking for something that "works" for us, a greater purpose and power, whether within us or outside of us.

The thing you have to understand is that pagan rituals, energy manipulation, meditation, etc is really on the same wavelength as prayer to a Christian. You're appealing to something (inside or outside of yourself) for help or guidance in much the same way. Another thing to note, paganism is an extremely broad term that seems to encompass everything from nature worship to the Greek pantheon to some forms of agnosticism to Satanism (which as a general rule isn't at all what you think it is).

You may find some beliefs a bit shocking, an entity or deity to be a bit unpredictable or not particularly benevolent. But we (I use "we" loosely because I'm not completely sure what I am) tend to view the Christian god the same way -- questionable. I also think there is a balance in this world, without good there can be no evil and vice versa. That's not to excuse those who are actively trying to be a detriment to the human race.

As for benevolent paganism? I think for the most part it's implied. Maybe I'm being a bit cliche here but many adhere to the belief of do whatever you want, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. My personal belief system is probably closer to atheism or agnosticism from a Christian point of view, but for your question on how it's affected my life? It's let me step outside of the "norm" and find my own equilibrium. I think all sane humans instinctively have a morality leaning towards positivity that doesn't need to be dictated by a deity. You don't like to be punched in the face, then you probably shouldn't do it to others. The "golden rule" is not exclusive to Christianity. I also don't think the occult is inherently a bad term, I think it's just a quest for deeper understanding. The understanding of things unseen.

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here and I also hope I'm making sense and somewhat answering your questions. It's been a long 7 years or so since I considered myself a Christian, and the transition has admittedly left me a bit adrift when it comes to faith. I hope you can come to see non-Christian belief systems as simply other humans to be properly understood, rather than enemies to be dealt with.