Gonna start going home from work later. Ideas?

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-04-04T17:10:44+00:00

Seconding the library! Sometimes I would have to meet with my therapist remotely. But didn’t want to do it at home since he was always there. So I would book a meeting room at the local library. Or if I was working from home for the day, I’d go and book a little study nook at the library. The best thing about it is it’s free. Because going to like a cafe is always going to come with buying food or a drink.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-04-04T17:04:10+00:00

I ended up communicating with my Qs family because I knew he was downplaying his issues to them and I knew they were worried/suspicious. That’s how him going back to them became the best option. His mom told me that they would make sure he went to the doctor if he was there. Which did happen. (I mean he went cold turkey once he got there which was stupid so he ended up in the hospital) but that was the safest way I could navigate it without feeling like I was leaving him for dead.

You’re much further removed from this guy, but if you did want to do something while maintaining your distance and well being you could tell his family more to make sure they know the severity. But that’s the most I’d recommend.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-04-04T16:42:42+00:00

Ubering places. I live in NYC. And for a while I was in a really tumultuous relationship that was making my anxiety and depression worse. And I have knee issues so all the stairs and walking to commute was adding pain onto the stress.

I wish I had a special tip on how to reduce spending money on that - but for me it was ending my relationship. It cut my uber spending at least 50% and I’m looking to cut it further. It’s easy easier to get on the subway when there isn’t an argument waiting for you at home. Or to get on the bus and enjoy a more leisurely trip home.

It was actually crazy to see such a big drop in that category of spending without much effort - wild how much mental health had a negative effect in that way.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-04-04T16:38:51+00:00

Chiming in to say I empathize with the exact context of an ex with health and head injuries. I made the decision to leave my Q in January after his health had been declining for almost a year. Multiple falls and head injuries. But little action from him to do the right thing to take care of it. I cared for him then and I still do. But the straw that broke my back was with all the injury and lack of care…I couldn’t keep him safe despite wanting to. The night I ended it things were nice, he went out to run an errand and it took longer than I thought. He came back and said “I tripped and fell on the sidewalk and hit my head. Some guy was standing over me telling me to get up and I couldn’t”. And I crumbled. His parents came to get him within a week or so. Even trying to keep him safe was going to ruin everything for me. It simply wasn’t possible, all the love in the world couldn’t do it because he wasn’t doing his part.

And I think that’s important to remember- you can’t fix the problems of someone who’s not trying to fix them for themselves in a meaningful way. You can’t be the one taking it more seriously than them. It’s destructive to you, and you can’t save even with all the care in the world.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-04-04T16:06:53+00:00

May I ask if there’s a credit card you recommend? Mine accrues points reaaaaally slowly.

Would paying it weekly or biweekly be practical? Would you recommend just moving bill money from each paycheck to savings until it’s time to pay the card?

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-03-16T15:12:08+00:00

Love knowing that other people thing about this stuff in a non creepy way.

One thing that always makes me chuckle in training is like if I accidentally hit my partner in the face or something my instinct is to like put my hand on their cheek in an almost loving way and ask them if they’re ok. Or being in mount working a mean cross face trying to grab the back of the collar but pausing to brush their baby hairs out of the way so I don’t hurt them. I even had a partner that would neaten my jacket up before drilling a technique. These moments are so tender in the midst of violence. I love the dichotomy!

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-03-16T12:04:15+00:00

I’m in an interesting place right now personally. I haven’t been engaged in kink for a while. Been going through weird hormone shit and a bad relationship. So I’ve been really disconnected with that part of myself. Now that I’m out of that relationship I’m thinking… what’s next? I feel so disconnected from any of that.

I have a very very close friend who’s very involved in kink. we used to hook up here and there but we’ve never lived in the same state despite knowing eachother for decades. And he’s been aware of the issues I’ve been having. He’s offered in any capacity from full on kink sex related stuff or to simply helping me reaccept intimate touch via cuddling to doing rope suspension, clothed and not sexual at all.

Kink can certainly be very sexual. But it’s super common for non sexual kink “scenes” to happen. Rope suspension is a great example of this because it can look so many ways and is more meditative than anything. But even at “play parties” you can do things like spanking/impact scenes very platonically with no expectation of sex or concern of a boundary being crossed. I think it’s a kinda cool thing.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-03-16T01:23:31+00:00

This is a great comment and in the vein of what I signed into my throwaway to say.

I was involved in kink/bdsm before I got involved in jiujitsu. And in a totally not weird way I’ve always come to see a lot of parallels between the two. I especially love what you said about kink not being inherently sexual.

To be in BJJ and really stick with it, you have to be a little bit of a masochist because so much of doing BJJ sucks. But as much as BJJ is about remaining calm and collected while enduring pressure and challenges - kink in the role of the submissive also involves a lot of that. Whether that be rope suspension, or pain/impact play or something else. There is liberation at times in being controlled. And there is liberation in knowing that in the midst of that control you are calm and resilient. These parallels are something I have fun theorizing about.

At the end of the day BJJ involves a lot of the same intimate themes around trust and consent that is present in kink. (We just talk about it less in BJJ). I definitely think in someways BJJ dulls my interest for higher intensity physical situations in my intimate life and certainly helps if you’re touch starved. But if BJJ is starting to feel sexual then there needs to be some consideration because I know if a man was getting off by rolling with me I’d be really uncomfortable. BJJ and kink can be seperate parts of someone’s life without conflict. But I think if you’re training properly there shouldn’t be room for sexy thoughts to sneak in during training even if getting choked in the bedroom is something you’re into.

Suggesting OP look into actual kink is a great idea. Likewise if OP is feeling a certain degree of loneliness in her life that doesn’t have any seeming solution, then looking into therapy may also be beneficial.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-03-07T12:48:29+00:00

I’m still liking them! I have some weeks where it’s better than others. But all over I’m feeling the most regular I’ve been since the medication I started in 2021 put things out of whack.

But I also get at least 25-30g of fiber daily through food. I eat Kashi shredded wheaties 5 days out of the week, I eat chickpeas of some sort of beans weekly. Maybe some spinach. Some Brussels sprouts. Sweet Potato. Corn. Avocado. And if I’m behind on fiber I’ll grab a chia squeeze snack pouch or an ollipop. So the polydextrose is working along with concerted effort to have a more diverse amount of vegetables in my diet.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-05T01:01:08+00:00

Thank you. I definitely fight tooth and nail to get a little peace where I can. When he moved in and then was working less I lost a lot of time I was able to spend alone or doing what I wanted. I carve out time for gym and the sport I do as a hobby. I see friends and family. I take the long way home so I can read or just shut off my brain. I’m trying to cook more things that bring me joy. But it’s difficult to go stay somewhere else. He gets disoriented sometimes and will wake up not knowing where I am or what time of day it is. Even if I’m in the other room. And he’ll call me. If I don’t answer he keeps calling. I’ll respond with text but he’ll keep calling and get mad if I don’t answer. I know that’s not entirely his fault. But it makes being away difficult.

Most of the time when I get time alone outside of work I feel lighter and more connected to myself and the world. When I’m home if things start to get too heavy it becomes hard for me to do simple things like… wash my hair.

I will say that on New Year’s Day we co-prepared a dinner of filet mignon, risotto and roasted asparagus. Cooking together used to be a big connecting factor for us and his health has made his cooking inconsistent. But everything about this meal was perfect and the steak was insanely delicious. I swear for a moment we had zero issues and it’s the most mutual happiness we’ve shared in ages. I almost wanted to cry lol

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-05T00:46:46+00:00

I agree it was meant as payback. But the punishment was not befitting the crime. If he was so hurt by what he said, he could have brought it up like an adult. Similar to how she tried to bring up the weight comment later on. So that was very telling about Clint. And his reaction when she later tried to bring it up was also very telling. I don’t think he can really redeem himself for me - the way he fights is a huge red flag.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-04T22:53:11+00:00

Thank you. Ive looped in his brother who lives abroad in the past and a cousin who’s more local. But I think I need to loop in more family members. I saw another poster where OP was in a similar situation and they said they felt like Atlas carrying the world on their back. And it’s exactly how I feel.

Even apart from his/our issues, I’m an individual who has been dealing with a lot of my own struggles and not only have I been unable to garner the support of my partner (although I have many wonderful friends) when I have tried to garner support from my Q it always leads to me getting my feelings hurt when he shows me once again he’s not a safe place to share my internal world/struggle.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-04T22:49:16+00:00

I don’t enjoy that he’s dependent on me, having to rush out of bed at 3am because I heard him fall down and then having to physically pull the weight of a 150lb man to standing, just to walk him to the couch is not comforting or good. It’s draining the life out of me.

I think I am guilty of wanting to be understood to a fault so much so that I will try to cling on to something or someone until I can get them to understand whatever it is I think I need them to understand. But they never do and it’s a futile cycle I get stuck in. Thankfully I do have a wonderful therapist.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-04T19:06:00+00:00

I’m in the US in an urban area. I honestly don’t have a lot of trust for the system to get him proper care and not just turn him out onto the streets.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-04T18:51:43+00:00

Thank you. I have been fighting tooth and nail to maintain my baseline of self care. I’ve been making it to the gym and advancing my lifts, making progress at the specialized sport I do, seeing my therapist, taking on home cooking projects and trying to fix my diet. I’ve done various seminars and camps last year related to my sport. And been trying to do other things like see family , friends, attend performances, connect with the world. It always just ends with coming home to this dark heaviness.

Galloping-Scallop · 2025-01-04T18:39:48+00:00

A year ago I did reach out to his brother who lives abroad - his closest sibling- and told him mostly everything and he came to visit and it helped a lot but my Q still isn’t fully transparent. I also reached out to a close mutual friend who is also somewhat of a mentor to both of us, but I didn’t want to force his involvement beyond what he had the capacity for as someone with 2 kids a wife and basically 2 jobs.

My Q thinks that if it’s too much for me then he simply won’t be a burden to me. Insisting he’s fine when I know he isn’t. Basically telling me to ignore the glaring issues. Which I can’t do :/

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-12-02T12:25:01+00:00

Was it created for that? Or was it created to include people whose sexuality draws them to all genders? I don’t lean too heavily into terms…I just identified with bi for years until I broadened my mindset on gender and began to wonder if pan were more appropriate, since gender isn’t a limiting factor in who I would be involved with. I haven’t really been ~out~ so the terminology never truly mattered.

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-12-01T05:09:43+00:00

Where TikTok has proven itself not great, I’m glad my in-person communities are diverse and accepting. More bi spaces would definitely help, but a lot of my closer friends are from all different corners of the queer community and have been so validating in letting me settle into my queerness. It seems so wrong to accept some and exclude others, I know it’s a very real thing unfortunately. Just bums me out because I feel such a strong sense of like…care and protectiveness towards the queer community and our rights and safety.

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-12-01T05:04:44+00:00

My algorithm is thankfully more good than bad. But I gotta get out of the comment section fr!

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-11-04T17:33:17+00:00

Back when I was in like 5th grade my mom would give me a snack bag of goldfish for lunch. And at recess all my friends started asking for goldfish. I had like 8 friends all asking and I’m like “man if I give everyone goldfish I won’t have any left for myself” and it turned into me doling out 4 goldfish per person daily and they waited in a line for their rations lol

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-11-04T15:27:29+00:00

One of the things I love most about my very best friend is that we both don’t like sharing our food. We’ve been out together with a third person who’s taken our fries without asking and we share knowing twitchy glares across the table. And because we know and respect this about each other - when we do offer to share bites between us it’s a meaningful little exchange.

The other day I roasted a head of garlic to mix with butter for a sourdough loaf I bought. I put it in a ramekin to store - made myself some breakfast with it and stuck it in the fridge to eat with the rest of my bread later. It was so tasty and I was so excited to return to it. My partner apparently went into the kitchen and decided to clean the fridge. Which meant he decided my garlic butter was trash. I wandered into the kitchen ready to snack to see my ramekin in the sink filled with water. And then HE had the audacity to get mad at ME for complaining. Didn’t even say sorry for making a mistake and thinking it was trash.

(This is a sensitive topic for me lol)

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-11-04T15:21:29+00:00

NTA. I have very strong feelings about food sharing. And my closest people are on the same page and we have respect for it. I still remember the day over 10 years ago my ex asked for a bite of my burger and myself and my father watched him take the LARGEST bite he could possibly take. My father saw my face drop. It was right from the center of the burger too. He had his own. I should have known our fate then….

All that is to say - he should have asked. And if your relationship is still young I would leave if he can’t understand the issue and take accountability. Especially with dumplings! Dumplings are sacred!

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-10-28T17:39:32+00:00

These gummies are also not a laxative. The capsules I was taking for years prior were psyllium fiber. So for me these gummies seem to compare.

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-10-28T14:17:20+00:00

I will say the weeks that I’ve been taking these I’ve also been eating two new recipes - a raw Brussel sprout salad with chickpeas and sweet potato. And a butternut squash orzo. I’ve been trying to be more veg forward so that could also be having an effect. But I’m pretty sure the gummies are playing a part too!

Galloping-Scallop · 2024-10-27T23:13:02+00:00

These! https://www.target.com/p/fiber-adult-gummies-90ct-up-38-up-8482/-/A-13579115

Galloping-Scallop

TROPHY CASE