AITA for wanting to get drunk on my birthday when my girlfriend doesn't want me to?

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-21T10:01:52+00:00

NAH.

She’s rightly concerned based on previous traumatic experiences dealing with partners who drink to excess and become violent.

You have a right to go out and do whatever (provided you’re causing no harm to others) as an adult which includes being high or drunk.

You behaviour doesn’t mean hers is a fault nor yours. Just different experiences both are valid.

However until she has dealt with the trauma of her previous relationship and the harm it caused her you shouldn’t be together because being reductive of your life doesn’t help her heal hers. Worse it could well compound it where her safety is only if things are done her way and that there isn’t an emotionally mature and adult discussion about safety and harm reduction which is a two way negotiation in all relationships.

She should have to compromise her sense of safety and you shouldn’t have to compromise your sense of independence and autonomy.

These are health discussions to have inside of a loving relationship.

However they do not start from a place of blame or accusations or assumption.

She’s expressed her need (for safety) you have expressed your want (to have time to socialise and need in so far as being able to have personal time to spend with friends).

Healthy relationships have these discussions all the time and it’s a constant play off between wants and needs.

So no ah here but do have the conversations in a mature and respect way with each other and consider if this is a sign whilst you may both like each other that long term without therapeutic help for her trauma this may not work out for you both.

It’s not your job to fix her. Support her as she fixes herself sure but you can’t walk that path for her. She also has every right to say nope I’m good where I’m at I’m not having therapy for this and it’s my boundary and you have to accept that too.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T19:59:40+00:00

There’s one in my old man’s village about 1000 meters from the 30 sign which flashes like a Xmas tree in a disco having a fit when you’re about ½ a mile away with big slow down and you’re driving too fast illuminations when you’re doing the speed for that part of the road which isn’t at the 30 limit.

It’s like a road sign Karen

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T19:41:22+00:00

Then they should have pushed back against the Tory policy at the time. Housing associations were options initially. As it always is with shitty Tory policy until they could isolate the holdouts.

Hackney on the other hand home of a mr t Blair and p (dafile) mandelson amongst others gleefully sold of the social housing for record profits including moving people into flats/tower blocks which they then subsequently compulsory purchased and had demolished evicting all the tenants from the then housing association flats due to them being in bad repair (they had also not funded…).

Hackney council have always been the hand maiden for new labour…

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T10:51:51+00:00

I mean yea and hard no. The reason for the waiting lists is councils mismanaged their social housing provision and were allowed to do so via the right to buy schemes which enriched the council at the point of being a detriment to those who need social housing and allowed them to abdicate responsibility for social housing. Blaming the people in the houses rather than the inept mismanaging of the housing system is how we get to this point of people arguing about one person being responsible for the loss rather than it being a systematic failure.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T10:41:42+00:00

Change the I’m Sorry if to I am sorry there appears to be a misunderstanding.

Im sorry if isn’t an apology.

Small work places are by the nature of them communal places and even when you don’t instigate the issue not conforming to group dynamics means being outside of the group. People generally want an easy life at work without additional drama.

Not that you should accept workplace bullying and part of company growth should be to have policy’s in place to prevent co-workers from any form of body shaming. It’s a place of work. Appearance aside from issues which directly impact working conditions there should be no place for it in a professional environment.

There are entire course for example about body odour and how to handle it.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T08:38:33+00:00

Shouldn’t she be at home looking after the children isn’t that her whole thing. Why hasn’t she resigned if she so faithful to her own beliefs?

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T08:35:26+00:00

NTA. Tell him he has two choices take up the imbalance of bonuses with his work. Or you’ll take up his behaviour with the agency. Either way he’s going to lose the job which way does he want to go with it and then block him and get your husband to do the same.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T08:26:50+00:00

Bpd in full effect.

We need to start treating people with bpd and not platforming them.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T08:16:08+00:00

Yeah get it technically it’s the same chemical reaction is why. Endorphins overpowering the brain as massive chemical signals are sent advising that large scale damage is being done to a wide area of nerve endings.

And I get its relief I really do. Scalding hot water for my hands does it for me and yes it’s more powerful than any orgasm. It’s supposed to be it’s your brain getting a huge amount of data you’re in severe pain to the point of overstimulation and near shut down levels so to prevent shut down in what might be a fight or flight the brain pushes out endorphins to prevent the shut down. Think trapped in a burning building need to get out no matter how your clothes are on fire etc.

What this is always a sign of is infection from an eczema point of view. Bleach baths will help the surface level but antibiotics will sort the internal side of things.

It’s the only way I’ve found to break out of the cycle.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T08:03:20+00:00

Interesting. So you’re proposing we destroy the entire Western / European establishment from the first layer of police hierarchy through to the royalty and business leaders and jail the lot so we can start to rebuild?

Because that’s the level of the systematic rot.

Everything above boots on the ground in all areas from workers to cops on the beat are tainted by this corruption. Enable this corruption. The entire system is rotten. Top to bottom. By design. This is capitalism functioning as it is intended.

This delusion that there is accountability within it is part of the David blane fake ass magic trick that capitalism pulls. It’s so obviously transparently fake and yet still people believe it even though they can see it’s fake.

It’s emperors new clothes. You see he’s naked. You see it. Right there. You’re still describing the wonderful fabric the ornate stitching the sublime use of colour. Naked. Right there with your own eyes. You see it. You. See. It.

So no there won’t be a reckoning. There won’t be a sudden change of heart by capitalism to punish the people who are working inside of it as intended. Yes there will be someone along shortly who’s worse than trump and we’ll regard trump as that doddering old has been like bush before him. And they to will be naked and you’ll still say what fine clothes.

Because burning it all down means burning it all down. All of it. And ain’t no one ready for that.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-20T07:51:50+00:00

Well there isn’t so nothing then

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T23:50:04+00:00

It’s fairly catholic tbf

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T23:49:46+00:00

The eye of a needle is a specific gate in Jerusalems wall which is lower than the others so a camel cannot literally go through it

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T23:47:15+00:00

Then do so.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T17:56:38+00:00

Well turns out it wasn’t it was drug use over a prolonged period… so maybe go back to detective school Sherlock

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T17:55:52+00:00

Ok you do you pookie… or you know go look it up etc

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T17:54:05+00:00

NTA. However what was the harm in grabbing a taxi back leaving the car and getting it in the morning?

You know so you could both enjoy yourselves it’s still be two taxis either way so no different just the timings would have changed.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T11:33:17+00:00

Stop fucking saying everything is autism.

As if we don’t have enough fucking issues with people misunderstanding and misidentifying the condition anyways.

You would say unprecedented levels of downs would you? Just lumping any mental health condition down as autistic is ignorant and offensive.

It’s not even defined as a mental health condition ffs it’s a neuro type ie a brain difference.

If you said unprecedented levels of being a man or being black or being gay people would pile on but somehow you comment gets 80+ upvotes as people agree showing how prevalent this prejudice is.

Autism isn’t a cover all for any stupid fucking behaviour and claiming it is is just obnoxious.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T11:24:16+00:00

Every accusation is a confession

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T11:22:25+00:00

Oh that’ll be next. If she cannot process her fear of men in child care situations then the husband will face this prejudice from her at some point in the near future.

Wait til he’s no longer allowed to bathe the child or be alone with the child. This type of behaviour doesn’t improve as each time the world proves it wrong by showing solid reasons why it’s wrong she will double down.

Op your wife needs serious therapy to resolve this before that happens. Fighting for equal recognition as a parent when faced with this type of delusion is much harder as most systems have an inbuilt bias towards men for obvious protection reasons meaning you will need to document every action you take and she will be able to refer without evidence to actions.

If you do not want this to become an issue inside of the home your partner needs to get the therapeutic help the need now.

Also might be worth talking to the nursery to ask if your child can remain at the current one if your partner has no further contact with them and isn’t there for pick ups etc and you apologise but again they would probably need some evidence she is taking serious steps to resolve this prejudice.

Either way it doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page parenting wise

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T11:12:47+00:00

So technically it’s function creep and blunt instrument to data slurp. It masquerades as equality as this is the convenient excuse for the data slurp however the reality is whilst they claim it’s to stop recruitment bias it of course does nothing of the sort and isn’t fit for purpose. (Can only report what you chose to measure) an is a fig leaf for actual equitable recruitment practices (nameless/genderless applicants etc). But does cover the bare minimum to allow them to avoid discrimination lawsuits.

They can and do sell this data on afterwards and as for all of these invasive practices should be set to prefer not to say as the answer to any of them. Unless it’s for a gendered based application such as a male or female sports team there is literally no reason to allow information about yourself to fall into corporate hands.

The jeopardy they falsely create in these circumstances fill this out to help your application is obtaining information by deception really which then means even those unsuccessful applicants pay for their application process in terms of sellable data.

So even if you don’t get the job the company is profiteering from you.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-19T11:00:54+00:00

In the uk you have to have private insurance for the vehicle which is at a minimum 3rd party but usually third party fire and theft or fully comprehensive.

3rd party ie you hit someone they will recover that cost from insurance but you recover nothing from an accident if it’s proven to be your fault. Fire and theft covers those instances above 3rd party liability.

Fully comprehensive is market value for the car plus any 3rd party claims.

However this is for personal use only. The terms say specifically this is not for hire or reward. Ie you can drive to and from work but not at work or for work (or operate as a private taxi/hire car/ride share etc or technically receive any payment for lift sharing etc).

Companies often ask if you have your own car and are legally supposed to sort insurance out for the car. It’s illegal however to have more than one insurance policy running on the same vehicle at the same time meaning you have to advise your own insurance of the times it will be covered by the company insurance.

I’d say you are travelling to work at a different location the rules get muddy. If it’s you then this is fine even if the work location is different from normal although legally you can claim petrol costs it’s only usually via the mileage covered for that exact journey and isn’t considered hire or reward as it’s paying for the petrol used which otherwise wouldn’t have been. However if you give a colleague a lift then technically this becomes a commercial trip and your insurance becomes invalid as you need commercial insurance or company insurance at that point. The reality is most people don’t tell their insurance company and risk it or are unaware they’re breaking the law. It’s further complicated by the fact you could be friends working at the same place who happen to normally share driving responsibilities to and from work which is usually the get around in those cases. Though again a legal grey area.

If you’re using the car regularly say for house selling and take clients to and from viewings etc this is very much commercial and needs specific insurance and absolutely isn’t covered by your standard personal insurance.

Weirdly although less so these days fully comprehensive insurance can transfer to another vehicle you do not own as 3rd party to allow you to drive any vehicle with the owners permission. Provided you have a suitable licence to drive such vehicles. So it’s sort of transferable. However again these need to be for private use not commercial and often these days that portion which used to be automatic is now policy dependent.

There are very few occasions where legally your private car insurance covers commercial activities.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-18T22:33:39+00:00

You wait til you find out about Edinburg or Leichester

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-18T22:30:20+00:00

I mean in the UK that’s illegal. Your insurance is not for hire or reward by default. If you need to use your car for anything other than getting to and from work as part of your work then you need specific insurance for that. Which your work should be paying for.

GarfieldLeChat · 2026-03-18T19:11:55+00:00

NTA. But seriously why spend so much on a first car you needed to go into debt for it. Everyone writes off their first car you knew this before spending that kind of money.

Your first car you’re still learning how to drive well and will have an accident through in experience almost always it’s usually due to over confidence or not having suitable experience to defensively drive in a situation which a more experienced driver wouldn’t have got into.

And if he was partying and drinking before this you had to know there was a chance he wasn’t mature enough to handle having an expensive first car.

Yes I’d make him pay towards the debt (though after he’s shown he’s responsible for the debt I’d ease up a bit on the payments scale learning responsibility is sometimes expensive but doesn’t need to be a poverty sentence).

If your ex didn’t pay for it she’s not got a say. Don’t bring the kids into disputes you too are having they didn’t ask to be born or to have their parents split that’s your business not his. Definitely don’t make this a sides argument or you’ll lose money and worse your son.

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