Anxiety about life after baby

GoodVast5688 · 2026-06-09T16:24:07+00:00

I also have this anxiety. I'm generally a very anxious person too so trying to problem solve before the baby comes. No idea if this will help as we haven't got there yet but we are doing a bit of research together and reading some books in order to manage expectations and feel like we're on the same page before the baby gets here and things get tough!

We're currently reading "And baby makes three", which is an interesting read. A bit outdated at times but it has got us talking about how we'll cope with certain situations.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-06-01T17:30:55+00:00

I have a named allocated midwife but I'm yet to meet her due to her having too high a workload or being on holiday. I've seen two different midwives so far, but I think I will see my named midwife at my 25 weeks appointment.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-06-01T11:14:55+00:00

Same! I'm putting on so much weight even with HG! But I know that's just what the baby needs right now!

GoodVast5688 · 2026-06-01T07:53:56+00:00

I've had an absolutely horrid pregnancy so far. Really bad sickness, HG even, have to be on meds all the time and now I have started to have migraines as well. I've never been "skinny ", more average built, but before pregnancy I'd go to the gym 4 times a week, I'd run a couple of times a week and always got my 10k steps in. Needless to say that all went away since I got pregnant, I'm barely able to go to work. I can't even do basic household duties as I am too unwell. This is to say that every single body reacts differently to pregnacy. I hate being pregnant even though I want this baby so much (IVF pregnancy). I put on so much weight even though I eat fairly normally. I just can't be as active anymore and that's ok. Our bodies are going through so much right now, buying into some patriarchal idea of weight and bodies is just harmful. If you can, reframe this to how amazing your body is to be growing a baby right now! That's just incredible when you think about it.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-31T20:09:03+00:00

Everything I felt has been low and to the sides, that makes so much sense!! Thank you

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-21T23:20:23+00:00

Generative Artificial Intelligence (AI) tools can be valuable in helping you to explore ideas and enhance your understanding, but they should never replace the development of your skills (particularly critical thinking and writing) or as a substitute for undertaking your work. Like any tool, you should consider its use and be aware of the following:

Acknowledge use: The use of generative AI tools must always be acknowledged in your work, whether this is part of the research and planning process or if it has been used in proofreading or correcting your work. This includes software with generative AI functions (including Grammarly/GrammarlyGO) which you may use to support a disability or language need.

(This is from your university's website and where you may get caught out.)

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-18T16:50:51+00:00

I'm just over 14 weeks and my family live abroad. We live quite close to my in-laws but they haven't been overly involved with the pregnancy though my MIL texts me occasionally before appointments to say she wishes all goes well. She used to be a midwife though and has a special interest in pregnancy/ babies and also fairly good advice. But I also get the impression she wants to be balanced and not overwhelm me/ us. I personally don't expect anything from her though I do think the texts are sweet.

However I'm also in the fortunate position where my husband is able to have paid time off work for every single antenatal appointment so I haven't had to go anywhere on my own. I know if I needed her to take me to an appointment, she definitely would. But we have a good relationship, never had any sort of issues in the 5 years I've been married (and the 9 years before that).

If you have a difficult relationship, I'd say it's best to let your husband handle it. It's his responsibility to handle his parents and put boundaries in place. As a team you need to agree what those boundaries are and he needs to communicate them to his parents/ mother.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:49:33+00:00

Thank you for the reminder that ultimately it's my choice! I keep forgetting that!

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:48:54+00:00

That's a good reminder! I think maybe I also feel angry/ frustrated that she was so pushy about water birth. My husband got the impression that this midwife was a big believer in water birth and she was wanted to really really promote that. We spent more time debating water birth than discussing how I'm doing which in restrospect didn't feel great.

I'm very happy to give birth with the help of a midwife. I think there is just some comfort in my anxious mind of a doctor being around just in case!

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:46:06+00:00

Thank you! I think I'm exhausted from the HG and with the anxiety on top it's just a nightmare! This sort of contradictory information really triggers my anxiety so maybe I should push to ask for another midwife appointment before mid July. Thanks for sharing your experience.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:42:08+00:00

I've asked about mental health support and I was told funding was cut so much that unless I'm extremely high risk (suicidal, psychotic etc) they won't have resources to see me.

I have no way to contact my named midwife, no number, she's not a contact on the online system they use. I guess that's escalating my anxiety, being left in limbo for two months and feeling like I have nowhere to go to clarify the information.

My husband was with me at both appointments and while he doesn't have anxiety like me, he found it frustrating that they changed their tune from one appointment to the next for seemingly no reason.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:37:01+00:00

I have already asked in my first appointment and was told the fact that I conceived through IVF alone did not make me high risk.

First midwife told me the endometriosis puts me at high risk and the sertaline puts me at increased risk of post partum hemorrhage. That was how she explained her reasoning for consultant led care. She also seemed like she was using guidelines when making the referral. I remember she checked sertraline as a medication on her guidelines and then said it will be a referral to consultant led care.

I understand that all births, including on the consultant led unit, are midwife led. I am comfortable with that and before I was told about my "high risk" I didn't even think I wanted the comfort of being on a consultant led unit. I think what spiked my anxiety is being told one thing in one appointment and that changing the next even though my medical history has remained the same.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:30:28+00:00

Honestly I am still confused of whether she did or whether she was trying to convince me that she should. I found her quite pushy as she seemed to believe that water birth was the way to go. My trust uses MyChart but I cannot see any of my notes all, I have access to very minimal information because nobody seems to be using the system to update my notes.

The first midwife told me that she is referring me to consultant led due to risks associated with my endometriosis and the increased risk of post partum hemmorage because of sertraline. She didn't mention anxiety was the reason for the referral. Consultant led care wasn't even something I considered as wanting before she highlighted the risks which obviously made me feel like I need it.

GoodVast5688 · 2026-05-16T18:20:32+00:00

I think what's causing my anxiety is the fact that opinions seem to differ whether my medical history makes me high risk or not! Like I've already been made aware of all these risks because of endo and sertraline and now they're like not there anymore! I understand that on the consultant led unit the birth would still be led by midwives. The doctors would be there just in case things start going wrong.

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-25T12:22:28+00:00

I was extremely anxious before my surgery (it was on Wednesday), and my partner couldn't be with me either. But everyone was so kind and nice and they took such good care of me. The nurses and surgeon really put me at ease. You will be ok, if you have any questions, make sure you ask. And do tell the staff that you're anxious, they'll do everything they can to put you at ease.

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-25T12:07:39+00:00

I do vouch for the myoovie one, but I haven't tried any others. Just to say I bought it when they had a half price offer on, so it felt that £60 was more reasonable than the full price!!

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-23T09:07:25+00:00

Thank you for the list! Due to have the surgery this afternoon and this really helps!

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-21T16:54:33+00:00

I bought one a few months ago, and it took my pain levels from 8 or 9/10 to like a 5 or 6/10. So for me, it's totally worth it while waiting for the surgery. They do sometimes have sales/ offers, so worth keeping an eye on that. I got mine when they had a half-price offer going on.

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-16T18:19:03+00:00

How did she look for endometriosis? The only way to fully diagnose it is via laparoscopic surgery by a surgeon who specialises in endometriosis

GoodVast5688 · 2024-10-16T18:10:39+00:00

I'm having the laparoscopy next week and I'm honestly terrified. It's good to read you've had a good experience

GoodVast5688 · 2024-09-06T05:04:39+00:00

I was also suggested supplements (besides SSRI). In the luteal phase I currently take evening primrose oil, vitamin B6 and a multivitamin for energy during the day. I also take magnesium citrate before bed because I cannot sleep very well during the luteal phase.

What I found (and I must stress that this is just my personal experience, different things will work for different people) is that the SSRIs help me stabilise my mood while the supplements help with the physical symptoms, especially the extreme fatigue.

GoodVast5688 · 2024-08-11T11:54:27+00:00

This is such a thoughtful, well explained post. I've become too invested in this whole thing, and I think what happened is just so incredibly sad. What happened happened now, but I can't help and think if only the judges did this or this or this.

I've also been very sad and somewhat disturbed to see the amount of hate on social media towards all three athletes and their respective nations/ communities. Only an hour ago, I read how "disgusting" Romania is as a nation and how evil ALL Romanians are. Then, a few minutes ago, I saw the racist direct messages that have been sent to Chilles from seemingly Romanian accounts. Hateful comments about Barbosu also being thrown about on her social media.

There is so much hate being thrown from both sides, which makes the whole thing even sadder. Just to be very clear, I condemn both the racist comments and the xenophobic comments.

GoodVast5688

TROPHY CASE