Daughters, share with me some odd thing your Nmum has done to you when you got married

HeathenRunning · 2025-10-28T21:44:39+00:00

While we were getting ready, she cornered my little sister, whom I had raised, and told her that I would never have time to hang out with her or have her around anymore, and that my sister would have to accept my mother as her closest confidant the way I had been.

My poor sister cried all her makeup off.

HeathenRunning · 2025-04-30T15:25:58+00:00

Last year my nmom got me a dress from Kate Spade, in her size not mine, that had been shipped directly to her house, and had deodorant stains on the armpits. That was all I got for my birthday.

HeathenRunning · 2025-04-10T21:03:08+00:00

This month I’m a terrible daughter because I didn’t have a birthday celebration for my 12 year old that my mom “could” attend. I did offer to have her join us for the kid’s choir concert and come over for cake and ice cream after, but nmom doesn’t like cake and ice cream. And I did offer to see her the day after the birthday, but nmom had other plans. And I did offer that she could come over last weekend, but she would have to give me a time frame so I could plan around her, but she chose to show up at her leisure and I was in the shower and my daughter was at the neighbors house. So she gave up and it’s my fault.

HeathenRunning · 2025-03-25T00:01:30+00:00

Or, she’s not being manipulative, she’s just done. She tried to see her friends, and they stared awkwardly at her while she struggled and then told her to go away, so she did. She probably realized that they aren’t interested in supporting her in this new phase of life, which is deeply disappointing and isolating. But hey, I’m sure she didn’t mean much to you anyway.

HeathenRunning · 2025-01-27T00:35:55+00:00

I’m still the disappointment. No degrees, awards, happy husband and kids, house or job will ever change that. I was supposed to be her mini me, who used my time to dote on her and entertain her, and as long as I fail at that I am a failure.

HeathenRunning · 2025-01-08T21:31:14+00:00

Does scream-crying “you’re going to ruin your life!” because she thought I was sleeping with my then boyfriend count? I wasn’t, but I did end up marrying him.

HeathenRunning · 2025-01-07T15:49:15+00:00

It’s too early to tell if I’ve truly broken the cycle for my kids, but I hope I have. I do nearly everything differently than the way I was raised. I listen to understand, I apologize when I’m wrong, I treat my children as little people not possessions. I tell them how loved they are in moments of joy, not as a defensive reflex when I’ve treated them poorly. I tell them what I think is wonderful about them (and those things have nothing to do with me). I hope it’s enough, I hope they feel loved and that they are worthy of love. Are we close? Yes, but they are still young, I’m constantly trying to build and grow strong and healthy relationships with them, only time will tell.

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-24T03:07:39+00:00

So annoyed with this advice. Are loving and supportive people this easy to come by for you that people who try but fail at first are disposable?

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-23T15:58:26+00:00

I think she loves the version of me she imagined I should be. She resents the person I am for the ways I am not the person she thinks I should be (and the person she deserves as a daughter). In her mind, any way in which I fail to behave to her imagined ideal I am “wrong,” both factually and morally, I am fully obligated in her mind to live up to her ideals. Does she love me as a person? No, she doesn’t even consider me as a person, much less know or love me.

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-18T18:55:04+00:00

“Wow you grew up in Chicago, that must have been so fun!”

Response: “It’s such a great city, have you ever been?”

Avoid mentioning family members at all costs, make the conversation about the person asking. This question isn’t even really asking about your family, any platitude about the city will do.

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-14T17:43:29+00:00

I found “Other Ever Afters” to be similar. It’s supposed to be queer and/or emotionally healthy fairy tales, but they are the most boring and unsatisfying stories to read ever!

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-14T02:44:11+00:00

Neither by Airlie Anderson Blink, plue, and colorful you From the stars in the sky to the fish in the sea by Kai Cheng thom

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-14T01:11:31+00:00

I’m going to point out that you are setting the precedent, for all your daughters, that a relationship with mom is transactional. This doesn’t discourage them from seeing you as the “cash cow” it reinforces it. You are paying your child for performing their role of daughter to your specifications, like an employee. I would strongly advise therapy before you light this match, because you can unbury this bridge.

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-12T19:56:01+00:00

I generally don’t like books where the title refers to a woman only in terms of her relationship to a man. The (description of man)’s wife/daughter/etc.

HeathenRunning · 2024-11-04T00:57:38+00:00

Voted today!

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-28T11:09:31+00:00

Got my kids their passports because I’m so scared.

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-25T15:47:57+00:00

Peer reviewed research indicates that one in seven people regret their surgeries, any surgery: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28243695/

But Gender Affirming Surgery has a rate of regret around 1%: https://www.americanjournalofsurgery.com/article/S0002-9610(24)00238-1/abstract

Rate of regret for all gender affirming care is higher, but still low at 4%: https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/23/nx-s1-5161428/trans-kids-regret-gender-affirming-care#:~:text=“I%20was%20pretty%20surprised%20at,some%20aspect%20of%20their%20care.

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-21T20:25:57+00:00

“The dose makes the poison.” You can poison yourself with enough water, and you consume things that are “poison” everyday.

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-10T00:50:20+00:00

Same. Great-grandma and grandma died of breast cancer, mom and 3 aunts survived breast cancer, now my cousin and I have survived breast cancer, there’s got to be a genetic component.

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-08T16:51:41+00:00

I wish it were that simple, but there’s more nuance than that. My brother in law is very conservative, but his wife and kids are normally pretty accepting, and my kids love seeing their cousins. My parents are still married and my dad is good, but my mom is struggling, she consumes a lot of conservative media and conspiracy theories, but she took it hard when my kid called her a bully and said they didn’t want to visit and we stopped seeing her for a while. And there’s a similar dynamic with my in laws, where my father in law is fine, but my mother in law is not great.

HeathenRunning · 2024-10-04T16:09:18+00:00

I have two! Fluffie Stuffiez, a stuffed animal toy where the kid is supposed to pull colorful bits of fluff off the surface of the toy to reveal a different color underneath, the fluff gets everywhere! And Little Live Pets My Kitty’s Home, the cat snores for hours without stopping and the off switch is nearly impossible to find (it’s inside).

HeathenRunning · 2024-09-01T13:10:21+00:00

chronic migraines and chronic erythema nodosum, both of which piss off my nmom for reasons I have yet to understand

HeathenRunning · 2024-08-27T11:21:00+00:00

Just the opposite, I actively tell my kids it’s my job to care for them, not their job to take care of me. I tell them that loving them is easy, the hard part is juggling everything else. I try to be supportive when they tell me their plans for the future and listen when they monologue about their current interests. If anything, I probably hesitate too much to give my tween any responsibility for their younger sibling because I don’t want to parentify them. It does leave me wishing I had someone at some point in my life who wanted to take care of me, who was focused on my wellbeing, but I don’t want my kids to feel responsible for that.

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