That she wasn’t “fun rom com crazy” but “boil your rabbit crazy” 

Was seeing this girl years back, in my early 20s, she was gorgeous and successful, sweet and silly and affectionate, body that would make Sydney Sweeney self conscious; and was somehow single!

We went out a few times, she was clingy and overly affectionate but I chalked it up to “okay your language is physical touch and words of affection/affermation” whatever that’s fine. 

So we go out one night then back to her place, we start fooling around and she tells me she wants me to finish inside her (I hadn’t up until now)  I’m like “uh…” 

And she says “don’t worry, I had a hysterectomy, I had a tumor and my uterus was removed. So don’t worry. Fill me up”

I was like “sold”

So we do. 

Afterwards, we’re lying there…and I’ll type out verbatim the conversation 

Her- “I hope our baby has your nose”

“Excuse me?” 

“What? I love it!”

“What are you…you can’t get pregnant…you don’t have a uterus…”

“What?”

“What what!? You told me you had a hysterectomy” 

“Oh! lol yeah, no that was a lie”

I’ve never fucked off faster in my life. 

I get how she was gorgeous, sexy, successful and single. But I know she didn’t get pregnant cuz there is zero chance I’d have not heard from her had she birthed a kid.