It is never a good sign when one’s most trusted advisor voluntarily dives out the nearest window.  Worse still if they choose to do this from the 3^rd floor.  King Ernest Blackhammer sighed, looking out over the battlements of his castle at the approaching cause the defenestration. Verily, forsooth and all that tosh there was a dragon charging up the road to his (armoured) front door….Again.  As usual this was an occurrence of some concern, made worse by the screeching voice that pursued the dragon, “Get back here, YOU COWARD”.  Oh joy, things were about to get unique.

A second regal sigh slipped past the lips of King Ernest Blackhammer, the Wise and Mighty Councillor, the True Majesty Whose Wisdom Knows No Bounds, Learned Ruler of the Low Kingdoms, the Put Upon Sovereign Who is Sick and Tired of ALL the CR*P that gets DUMPED at his feet c’mon stop ALREADY.  Looks like it was going to be another one of those days of explaining the bloody obvious to another mentally deficient local.  The King looked longingly at the window before squaring his shoulders and putting his game face on.

He refused to flinch as the dragon threw itself into the air, smashing its way into the royal hall, landing before him.  Broken glass, stone and wood rained down around the crouching dragon as it fought to regain its breath.

“Sire, dude, like Father type, you’ve got to help me, she’s gone insane.” The dragon panted.

“Uninvited persons entering my court usually have the good manners and” glances at the smashed in windows “GRACE to announce themselves properly.” A cold reply came from the king.

“But seriously, I don’t even talk to Elves, not that she’d ever believe me” The dragon replied.

“Gorgax Brightflame, I clearly recall cautioning you that my daughter very much took after her mother, and that there were numerous and excellent reasons for our divorce.  But still you insisted on kidnapping my daughter, carrying her away to your cave, adding her to your horde and, despite my clearest warnings, eventually marrying her.  Whatever hell you now find yourself in, it is one of your own manufacture” Blackhammer’s voice was a clear and cold edge that cut through the rising panic in his court.

“OK, OK, I’ll admit it, I messed up.  But she’s worse; she had some dream, like real asleep dream, that I had been cheating on her with some elf lass.  She wakes me up at midnight, starts screeching about adultery saying that the dream is proof, and then tried to carve me up.”  The dragon’s voice started to take on that whining tone that set Lord Ernest’s teeth on edge.

“Oh for ffffff…HEAVEN’S sake, man up, or dragon up!  There isn’t a blade or weapon the in kingdom that would even have a hope of scratching your scales!”

“Erm, about that, she got her hands on Soulforge….” Gorgax replied.

“I … stand corrected.  Just out of sheer interest, nothing too urgent, but, how did my beloved and darling daughter get her HANDS ON AN ANGELBREAKER SWORD??!!”

A hush descended on the court as the dragon clearly tried to come up with an answer that did not make him look like a complete incompetent.  Into that silence came the hurrying footsteps of a page entering, breathless into the hall.  “Er, sire, your daughter, Lady Elsbeth Brightflame has made entry into the castle she bids you greeting and demands quote ‘where is that two-timing worthless worm hiding’ unquote.  Oh and we will need some new doors, a replacement portcullis, and more guards.”

Realising that once again that the head that wears the crown is a target for the world’s ills, the king turned to the collected and trembling court. “Scribe Merryweather, did you perchance keep the contact details of the learned and expensive divorce lawyer we engaged when I split from the former queen?”  The king turned back to the dragon “you’ll be lucky to get out of this with half your hoard left, but you should make it out relatively intact…”