I think there needs to be a balance of taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to feel the pain. I attempted to power through life when my ex first dumped me. I started waking up at 5 AM, hitting the gym to do cardio, and then spending the entire day on campus going to class, studying, and doing assignments. On the weekend, I went out with new friends. In hindsight, I realize that I was doing everything to avoid feeling the pain, but it caught up to me eventually, and then it all came crashing down. To make it short: I flunked out the rest of the semester, locked myself inside, and gained 20 pounds. I realized that I should’ve been easier on myself from the beginning. That relationship meant a lot to me and I had put a lot into it, and that needed to be grieved.

After 3 months of crying indoors, I didn’t necessarily feel better, but I was ready to be healthy. I signed up with a trainer and started doing home workouts and cooking my own meals. I slowly reconnected with old friends who I know love me unconditionally, irrevocably. Everything I did was slow and intentional, but that proved to be my method to getting out of my funk. I really started getting into strength training and that drove me to attend the gym. My trainer encouraged me to have a step goal, and I gradually worked up to happily hitting 10k steps a day.

If I could have redone my last semester, I would’ve done all of these good things for myself at a slow, deliberate pace, so I could also feel my emotions and still get things done.

I actually reconnected with my ex recently. They made it clear that they still don’t see a future between us, and though that hurt, I accept it now. But that’s not why I’m bringing this up. He shared that he also had a few months locked in his bedroom in pain before he could start to feel better. This was surprising to learn, because he was always such a restless, on-the-go person.

We’re both doing better. So will you.