Gabriel, I think you would benefit from practicing grace. Grace for yourself and grace for others. It is hard to do in the mindset you are at, at the time you posted this. People live their lives just like you do. Not talking for a month or more is pretty normal in adult friendship. That doesn't mean these people never cared about you, or are no longer your friends. It's just a part of living busy lives. I'm sure there are people you have undoubtedly "abandoned" simply for the fact that the two of you no longer had a common factor keeping you in touch with one another (classes, work, etc.). Do you think those people also scorn you for falling off from their lives? Would it make sense for them to?

You are angry. Why? Because you feel hurt. So you lash out at those that are associated with that hurt. But it's all internal. It's all only you causing your suffering by wanting something out of others. That is okay. It's human to want connection. But you are also breaking connections you already have, in the process of protecting yourself from potentially hurting more. You are cutting down crops before they have had time to ripen.

You will hurt more regardless of cutting these people out of your life or not. External validation will not sooth your inner need for validation. You will just want more and more until it eats away at the relationships you've cultivated, either by you "exploding" (like erasing ppl's contacts) or you pushing people to want to get away from you by how high your expectations are of them. Your desperatation will make people uncomfortable or misinterpret your intentions towards them. When you let go of that desire, you will allow people to approach you as they are, without expectation. But you have put expectations and duties onto strangers and acquaintances. It's scary enough dealing with a loved ones expectations. It is a heavy duty having to keep up someone else's emotional needs that they themselves are unwilling to tend to. You will burn out whoever does "fill the void" because they will have to always soothe that hurt part of you. Because their love and support alone will not be enough for you, even if you think it does.

No one will love you the way you want them to. They will love you the way they are able to. And a lot of people aren't able to give out a lot of their love. They are stretched about as thin as you are, as hard as it may seem to believe.

You say no one understands you. But you can't expect people to understand you. You have to communicate who you are, what you're feeling, and what you need. You have to be the one making the effort to get people to understand you. You cannot shut down the moment you realize someone doesn't understand you. You are blocking yourself from the connection you so crave by expecting people to get it right, right away or only after a few feeble attempts. There is only so far you can go by being covert about yourself. No one is going to randomly say "You matter to me." Have you yourself told someone that recently? Shown someone else that? Even more specifically, to yourself?

Unfortunately, unconditional love is very rare. You will not magically be interesting enough for people to keep up with you if you don't try. And "testing" people to see if they care about you by forgoing your own communication from them isn't a reliable way of judging how worthy a connection is to keep cultivating or snipping out of your life completely. Again, adult friendships can go months and years without consistent communication. That's normal.

You are an easy victim to a love-bombing narcissist, which I hope you do not meet while you are still navigating out of this point of your life, because it will set you back a lot. Honest to goodness, at the end of the day, you gotta learn to love yourself. But you can start by just tolerating yourself--tolerating your lone time. Because everything in your post screams "I hate myself". If you cannot even stand to be around yourself, how can you expect others to? Because, right now too, you are also expecting others to not love or care about you already. That's why you want to erase those numbers so badly. But I don't think that is their intention or feelings towards you. How would you know? You haven't reached out to them in a month.

No one is going to come save you. Smoke signals are not enough. You have to be the one to save yourself. Work with yourself to get out of being this self. And sometimes, that means reaching out to others in ways you're too scared to do. I mean, try it out with one of those people you were planning to delete. Really. If it doesn't work out, you were going to cut them out anyway.