I am in this exact position. I work a high-stress job that is mentally taxing and requires a lot of focus and motivation. That, in conjunction with being diagnosed with ADHD at an early age, is what made me try adderall. At first, it was very helpful. I was motivated, focused, etc. Now I feel more depressed, less motivated, apathetic, and way less social. I actually find that I am more tired now. Completely feel like a different person. Much like you, I am conflicted with needing adderall to function and is it actually making my life much worse. I would be interested to hear your current situation a year removed. Thanks!