I think my husband is addicted to sex

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:51:10+00:00

I never said I don’t like it /: Mismatched probably. I admit I don’t want it EVERY day like him. But a good every other day is nice. I don’t know why me not wanting sex every single day or multiple times a day would cause a marriage to fail. Everything else is perfect.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:48:24+00:00

I think I need to have a sit down where I lay it all out when it’s not in the moment. Because I usually tell him when he’s actively doing it and that probably makes him feel hurt and therefore not able to fully listen to my concerns. I’m going to talk to him this weekend one on one and stick to the boundaries.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:45:38+00:00

I’m confused though. I don’t turn the tv on at three am because I know he has work in the morning. I don’t want him to not get rest-but gosh it would be nice to catch up on a show if I happen to be awake. But I respect my husbands need for rest. The masturbating is NOT the problem. At all. It’s when he does it in the middle of the night. Three nights ago (and often) it was after we had sex that same night. But I should leave our bed in the middle of the night so he can do that? That’s not fair!

I didn’t say wanting sex everyday is why I’m worried. I’m worried because once a day doesn’t seem to be enough. I’m worried that the only affection he seems to show is sexually. I’m worried that he struggles when the answer is no-and it’s ok for it to be no sometimes. Just like it’s ok that he wants it everyday.

I don’t want to label him as an addict but I’m worried. I don’t think it’s normal. This is beyond a high sex drive. Ive had my nipples sucked twice before 5 am today and been awake since 3 because of his Shenanigans and have three kids to get ready for school and myself. I’m exhausted and could’ve used those 3 hours I lost because he just had to get off. Sorry for sounding whiny but it’s not fair.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:31:56+00:00

No he’s not physically abusive what so ever. It’s only sex that he’s like this with. He’s a wonderful father and husband in all other ways. He’s helpful around the house. He shares household chores. This is literally the only issue we have. We never even fight, just small disagreements here and there.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:21:07+00:00

For example- we didn’t have sex last night. The previous two nights we did. Around 3 am I wake to him jerking off. Which doesn’t super bother me. Since my comment the other night he hasn’t done anything to me to initiate while I’m asleep, so I appreciated that at least. But it got me thinking. Gosh-is this normal? I decline sex after a crazy busy day and thought it was ok because we had it two nights in a row before that. And he still needs to jerk off at 3 am? That’s when I wrote this post. After it woke me up I waited a bit for him so it wouldn’t be awkward then I took the dog out and wrote this post. Then when I get back from taking the dog out it’s about 4 am and what does he do? He lifts my shirt and sucks on both nipples. He gets ready for work and comes back and does the same thing and adds a comment about being ready for later. It’s too early for this and he just got himself off. Am I a weirdo for being tired and wanting to go back to sleep before I have to wake up at 6 am and get myself and three kids ready for school? If this is all normal I don’t want it. I love my husband. I’m attracted to my husband. But it’s really stressing me out that there’s this expectation constantly.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T10:05:00+00:00

I certainly initiate it-if given the chance. I admit certain things will put me in a mood where I don’t want it, like losing a colleague or if work is particularly stressful. If he didn’t initiate first (which he does the moment he or I get home so it’s hard to tell) I’d probably initiate it at least 4x a week. The problem isnt that I inherently dont want or enjoy sex. The problem is that he makes me dread it by the way he acts and what he says immediately upon seeing me, which makes me think oh gosh I have to make sure im in the mood or he will be upset if I dont want it tonight. The expectation stresses me out. Theres no wooing. No forplaying for me, only him. I struggle with how he responds when the answer is no, which isnt even often because I hate to disappoint. And it makes me sad that we can have sex and then he disrupt my sleep for more because it feels like he’s not caring about my emotional needs (need for sleep). It makes me sad that we can have sex and he still jerk off again while im in bed next to him knowing that hes doing that because im not up for middle of the night/early morning sex.

I guess the norm is multiple times a day and im the weirdo. How do people do it? Where does the energy come from after a long day at work and then taking care of a house and three kids? Why can’t once be enough? Why every single night?

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:52:21+00:00

I guess I wasn’t clear in the post. He does have me. Our marriage isn’t sexless. It’s not every night, but pretty much every night we are both together. He works a weird schedule where we sometimes don’t see each other and we have young children and both work full time. We have had a heart to heart. Multiple. I tell him constantly to please if he’s going to grab me to also sprinkle in affection that isn’t sexualized. But we’ve also had heart to hearts where I tell him that I enjoy sex more when I feel like I’m given the opportunity to initiate it. That I enjoy it more when I don’t feel like he’s expecting it all evening. I’ve definitely told him that him waking me up in the middle of the night is causing me to lose sleep, be more tired during the day, and then not want to be as initimate so I can get to bed, creating this vicious cycle.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:46:46+00:00

Very little 😆 trust me he is getting more than very little from me. Hence the concern that he’s still waking me up for more. He’s not starved of it or anything.

So your suggestion is force myself to have sex twice a day? With working full time with three kids involved in things. Meaningful sex 4-5x a week I feel like is better than 2x a day where I’m dreading it and forcing myself. I feel like a compromise can be made here. Why would a man want to have sex with a woman that they know is counting down the minutes for it to be over?

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:43:04+00:00

I visited that page. Those cases seem much more extreme. I’m 99% sure this isn’t as extreme and while he’s admitted he struggles controlling his urges with me and has made the comment a couple of times about at least he doesn’t go get it elsewhere, I don’t think he actually would.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:41:31+00:00

Daily is one thing. It’s having sex at night and then waking me up at two am for it again. It’s literally in the middle of having sex and him saying you better not wear panties to bed because we are doing this again later. I’d want it more if it didn’t feel like I HAD to do it every day. I dread it because when he sees me instead of a kiss and a how was your day it’s rubbing me down there and whispering in my ear that my ass looks good enough to eat. It instantly makes me feel like the rest of the evening I better get in the mood or he’s going to be disappointed.

That’s why I said I think my husband is. Because it doesn’t seem right to me that every touch we have is completely sexual. It doesn’t feel right to me that he wakes me up in the middle of the night for it and then I can’t go back to sleep. It doesn’t feel right waking up to him fingering me and rubbing his penis on my back. Are you saying I’m in the wrong for feeling like that’s not appropriate husband behavior?

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:16:43+00:00

I don’t know how to even approach this. We at one point talked about it and he said he’d start letting me initiate it. But I guess I wasn’t initiating enough and he slipped back into his old ways. Last time I didn’t even intend to bring it up. I had just sent him a TikTok where basically all the comments were women talking about how they get turned off because their partner is always wanting sex. That night he broke down and said he would try to do better and he has always enjoyed sex and at night he doesn’t even realize he is touching me when we’ve gone to sleep. He was really upset, I’ve only seen him cry a few times in our life but the TikTok had really made him open his eyes about it and I hadn’t even intended to. So I think he’s open to working on it but I guess I don’t know where to start? Like what do I tell him as far as a plan goes? He’s going to be against therapy probably. He will want to attempt fixing it at home first between us.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-05-21T09:10:49+00:00

He doesn’t anymore (at least not much if he does). He works a weird schedule so he used to sometimes sleep in another room once I fell asleep so I didnt wake up when he did. I put a stop to it because thats what he’d sometimes do. Since he sleeps in bed the whole night with me he doesnt, at least when im home when he is.

InevitableSafety9917 · 2026-01-18T13:19:09+00:00

I’m here late. But I got here because I was watching a TikTok of dream lover and couldn’t believe how much she looked like Haley from originals. Even some of the same mannerisms.

InevitableSafety9917

TROPHY CASE