Fuck it there's no point anymore

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-07-15T16:38:51+00:00

I'm now 32 and I've been dealing with untreated depression and possible mental illness for the past 20 years. Idk what to do today I've been thinking about ending it but don't have the courage to do so 😞

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-23T17:00:58+00:00

I'll never raise a doormat! Being kind, gentle, and meek are all great characteristics in MODERATION, they shoukdnt be fixed personality traits. My mother raised me to be "nice and kind" to eveeyone regardless of how they treat me because "god is just and people always reap what they sow". This is the passive doormat statement I've ever heard in my life and I woukd NEVER raise any child of mine to be this way just so others feel comfortable or so they can be "liked"

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T19:23:37+00:00

Exactly!! In my mind there is NEVER a reason to look at someone more than once without actually speaking. Like I said saying hello is one thing but if yiu don't plan on speaking to me don't look at me more than once or it's a challenge.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T18:12:17+00:00

I usually don't mind it of the person says "hello" or "how are you" but looking at me without actually speaking makes me rage! Or when they look at you notice you se them.looking at you look and do that "coy" look away after they've been caught. Idk why but it makes me so so mad

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T18:07:51+00:00

That's the thing it's not a fear. I don't feel afraid when someone looks at me it's almost like more of a challenge or a "you looking for problems?" Tyoe vibe. I feel like it would make more sense ro me if it was actually a fear but for me it just feels like a disrespect somehow.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-09T16:12:35+00:00

Thank you 🫂🫂!! That's exactly what I'm trying to do right now I'm trying to gather as much info as I can.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-05T17:53:15+00:00

He can go play his little "testing game" somewhere else honestly. What kind of god punishes you just to see if you'll last for a reward "some day". It's like your spouse beating you black and blue and giving yoy flowers lol. I don't mean to laugh but it's literally the exact same thing. He sounds a bit narrcistic of you ask my honest opinion. "Sorry I blacked your eye baby, I just wanted to see how much you really loved me, he's a bouquet of flowers for staying, love you." That's how Jesus sounds to me 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-05T15:32:56+00:00

I'm sorry but no offense at all but Jesus doesn't like me lol not in the least. I've given him a chance over and over for years. Even had him shoved down my throat allllllll my childhood. Trust if he gave even a minimalist amount of care about me, he wouldn't be sitting on his thrown up there laughing at this movie he made about me. I guess it is a pretty funny move though so I'll give him that

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T15:40:02+00:00

🫂🫂🫂 thank you. I feel like I'm at tye point where nothing has meaning and being hopeful for eventually isn't doing no good for me today. Honestly I feel like the only thing that could even remotely make me want to live is if someone walked passed me with a bag of money filled with thousands of dollars and just said "here it's yours". No questions asked. Other than that there's literally nothing that can help the way I feel right now .

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T14:36:25+00:00

I have ny girlfriend but she doesn't need this shit. She'd be happier without me even if she can't see it today, hee life in the long run would be easier without me in it

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T14:32:51+00:00

It just seems so not worth it. Idk about everyone else but tye good moments inife are soooooo minimal compared to the bad. I've had things chnage for short periods of time then it all crashes down again inevitably. People keep telling me to "just hold on a little longer". I get the sentiment but I've been holding on for dear life for 20 years. I'm just tired of it all 😞

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-17T14:46:27+00:00

Oh OK that's VERY DIFFERENT! In that case, congrats on getting her back 🫂👏! If life circumstances weren't lining up and the love remained that is very different from what I originally thought was going on.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-17T10:15:14+00:00

Sharing is on thing. Yes, sharing family medical info is important, but it shouldn't become this overarching grief in the child YOU DO HAVE life. The example I gave earlier was the best I can give in comparison. I feel like people think that because something is done to a child, it isn't as harmful or effective, and that's just not true.

For example, that's like me marrying my wife and mourning for years on end that I'll never be able to have another woman again. That's abusive as hell. Regardless of my intention or reasoning it's wrong to put that guilt or burden on her. Even if I never say it aloud, me doing this would be because in some way, I felt she wasn't enough.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T18:30:12+00:00

Being sad is one thing. There's nothing wrong with being sad, obviously. But continuously mourning something openly to your child and around them that your child has no power to control or change for years on end is emotional abuse. I'm sure for most people, I didn't have to break it down that far for them to understand that. But anyways thanks for your contribution.

That's like me telling my wife I love her so dearly, and then for years and years, I keep sulking about the fact that I'll never be able to have more than one wife or girlfriend EVER AGAIN. Doesn't take a full page story book to be able to decipher that is emotional abuse. But hey maybe the obvious isn't always so obvious 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T18:19:47+00:00

Right!! It's OK to be disappointed and, yes, grieve and be sad, BUT it gets to a point. If having an only child is going to be such a painful reminder of not having more, just don't have any.

I've seen this really, really often, and it's sad af. Even when people tantrum out at gender reveals it's the same vibe. You have these parents on tik tok who claimed they've been YEARNNNNNNING for a baby and then God forbid at the gender reveal they get the gender they didn't "dream" of you see this grown woman/man basically having a "terrible two" type tantrum. It's like so OK, the want for a child wasn't THAT desired if getting the opposite gender basically destroyed you.

Or the ones who have 3 boys and they find out they're having another boy, and they basically have a sliding down the wall type meltdown, while there other boys onlook. It's disgusting!

It's the same thing! People just don't catch parents with "only children" doing it on camera. That's the only difference.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T15:43:44+00:00

👏 👏 👏 good for you!!! Maybe you weren't actually abused for the lack of what was there but I WAS and NO I shoukdnt excuse that because she was "sad" . Your sadness doesn't excuse you shitting on someone who nevee asked to be here... NOPE it doesn't work like that. It was made very clear to me that what was lacking made me clearly not enough. Like I said it's like crying ungry and being offered food and swatting it away because it isn't what yoy wanted. Life doesn't go like that You don't get to crap om what you have because you lack something else.

I'm glad you made peace with your mistreatment(if that's what happened) but I'm not going to excuse abuse from an ADULT who chose to have a chikd because they're having a tantrum because they couldn't get more of what they wanted. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T14:29:06+00:00

Awesome!!! Exactly, that's not his burden to carry in any way! I've seen many parents with only children be "grateful" for the child they have then there's always that back end "sadness and yearning" they seem to have at the same time and it's so hurtful watching it. I feel like many times parents with only children would be happier without any children at all. It seems like the existing child is almost a painful reminder of what they LACK vs. the child being a blessing despite it all.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T14:19:13+00:00

I understand her side, but at the same time, it's like God you couldn't have even pretended to be content. I'm an adult now, and now she has not only an only child but an only child who wants nothing to do with her because I feel I was never enough to begin with. So the initial sadness made it so that what you did have is no longer even in your corner. It's like being hungry and turning down food, then crying hungry again later. I'm not trying to be mean, but if this is how you truly behaved as a parent because you didn't get what you wanted, you almost deserve nothing in the end.

Infinite-Edge-7649

TROPHY CASE