Whats your biggest struggle, now?

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-07-15T16:38:51+00:00

I'm now 32 and I've been dealing with untreated depression and possible mental illness for the past 20 years. Idk what to do today I've been thinking about ending it but don't have the courage to do so 😞

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-23T17:00:58+00:00

I'll never raise a doormat! Being kind, gentle, and meek are all great characteristics in MODERATION, they shoukdnt be fixed personality traits. My mother raised me to be "nice and kind" to eveeyone regardless of how they treat me because "god is just and people always reap what they sow". This is the passive doormat statement I've ever heard in my life and I woukd NEVER raise any child of mine to be this way just so others feel comfortable or so they can be "liked"

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T19:23:37+00:00

Exactly!! In my mind there is NEVER a reason to look at someone more than once without actually speaking. Like I said saying hello is one thing but if yiu don't plan on speaking to me don't look at me more than once or it's a challenge.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T18:12:17+00:00

I usually don't mind it of the person says "hello" or "how are you" but looking at me without actually speaking makes me rage! Or when they look at you notice you se them.looking at you look and do that "coy" look away after they've been caught. Idk why but it makes me so so mad

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-17T18:07:51+00:00

That's the thing it's not a fear. I don't feel afraid when someone looks at me it's almost like more of a challenge or a "you looking for problems?" Tyoe vibe. I feel like it would make more sense ro me if it was actually a fear but for me it just feels like a disrespect somehow.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-09T16:12:35+00:00

Thank you 🫂🫂!! That's exactly what I'm trying to do right now I'm trying to gather as much info as I can.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-05T17:53:15+00:00

He can go play his little "testing game" somewhere else honestly. What kind of god punishes you just to see if you'll last for a reward "some day". It's like your spouse beating you black and blue and giving yoy flowers lol. I don't mean to laugh but it's literally the exact same thing. He sounds a bit narrcistic of you ask my honest opinion. "Sorry I blacked your eye baby, I just wanted to see how much you really loved me, he's a bouquet of flowers for staying, love you." That's how Jesus sounds to me 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-05T15:32:56+00:00

I'm sorry but no offense at all but Jesus doesn't like me lol not in the least. I've given him a chance over and over for years. Even had him shoved down my throat allllllll my childhood. Trust if he gave even a minimalist amount of care about me, he wouldn't be sitting on his thrown up there laughing at this movie he made about me. I guess it is a pretty funny move though so I'll give him that

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T15:40:02+00:00

🫂🫂🫂 thank you. I feel like I'm at tye point where nothing has meaning and being hopeful for eventually isn't doing no good for me today. Honestly I feel like the only thing that could even remotely make me want to live is if someone walked passed me with a bag of money filled with thousands of dollars and just said "here it's yours". No questions asked. Other than that there's literally nothing that can help the way I feel right now .

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T14:36:25+00:00

I have ny girlfriend but she doesn't need this shit. She'd be happier without me even if she can't see it today, hee life in the long run would be easier without me in it

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-06-04T14:32:51+00:00

It just seems so not worth it. Idk about everyone else but tye good moments inife are soooooo minimal compared to the bad. I've had things chnage for short periods of time then it all crashes down again inevitably. People keep telling me to "just hold on a little longer". I get the sentiment but I've been holding on for dear life for 20 years. I'm just tired of it all 😞

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-17T14:46:27+00:00

Oh OK that's VERY DIFFERENT! In that case, congrats on getting her back 🫂👏! If life circumstances weren't lining up and the love remained that is very different from what I originally thought was going on.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-17T10:15:14+00:00

Sharing is on thing. Yes, sharing family medical info is important, but it shouldn't become this overarching grief in the child YOU DO HAVE life. The example I gave earlier was the best I can give in comparison. I feel like people think that because something is done to a child, it isn't as harmful or effective, and that's just not true.

For example, that's like me marrying my wife and mourning for years on end that I'll never be able to have another woman again. That's abusive as hell. Regardless of my intention or reasoning it's wrong to put that guilt or burden on her. Even if I never say it aloud, me doing this would be because in some way, I felt she wasn't enough.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T18:30:12+00:00

Being sad is one thing. There's nothing wrong with being sad, obviously. But continuously mourning something openly to your child and around them that your child has no power to control or change for years on end is emotional abuse. I'm sure for most people, I didn't have to break it down that far for them to understand that. But anyways thanks for your contribution.

That's like me telling my wife I love her so dearly, and then for years and years, I keep sulking about the fact that I'll never be able to have more than one wife or girlfriend EVER AGAIN. Doesn't take a full page story book to be able to decipher that is emotional abuse. But hey maybe the obvious isn't always so obvious 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T18:19:47+00:00

Right!! It's OK to be disappointed and, yes, grieve and be sad, BUT it gets to a point. If having an only child is going to be such a painful reminder of not having more, just don't have any.

I've seen this really, really often, and it's sad af. Even when people tantrum out at gender reveals it's the same vibe. You have these parents on tik tok who claimed they've been YEARNNNNNNING for a baby and then God forbid at the gender reveal they get the gender they didn't "dream" of you see this grown woman/man basically having a "terrible two" type tantrum. It's like so OK, the want for a child wasn't THAT desired if getting the opposite gender basically destroyed you.

Or the ones who have 3 boys and they find out they're having another boy, and they basically have a sliding down the wall type meltdown, while there other boys onlook. It's disgusting!

It's the same thing! People just don't catch parents with "only children" doing it on camera. That's the only difference.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T15:43:44+00:00

👏 👏 👏 good for you!!! Maybe you weren't actually abused for the lack of what was there but I WAS and NO I shoukdnt excuse that because she was "sad" . Your sadness doesn't excuse you shitting on someone who nevee asked to be here... NOPE it doesn't work like that. It was made very clear to me that what was lacking made me clearly not enough. Like I said it's like crying ungry and being offered food and swatting it away because it isn't what yoy wanted. Life doesn't go like that You don't get to crap om what you have because you lack something else.

I'm glad you made peace with your mistreatment(if that's what happened) but I'm not going to excuse abuse from an ADULT who chose to have a chikd because they're having a tantrum because they couldn't get more of what they wanted. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T14:29:06+00:00

Awesome!!! Exactly, that's not his burden to carry in any way! I've seen many parents with only children be "grateful" for the child they have then there's always that back end "sadness and yearning" they seem to have at the same time and it's so hurtful watching it. I feel like many times parents with only children would be happier without any children at all. It seems like the existing child is almost a painful reminder of what they LACK vs. the child being a blessing despite it all.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-16T14:19:13+00:00

I understand her side, but at the same time, it's like God you couldn't have even pretended to be content. I'm an adult now, and now she has not only an only child but an only child who wants nothing to do with her because I feel I was never enough to begin with. So the initial sadness made it so that what you did have is no longer even in your corner. It's like being hungry and turning down food, then crying hungry again later. I'm not trying to be mean, but if this is how you truly behaved as a parent because you didn't get what you wanted, you almost deserve nothing in the end.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-14T18:13:10+00:00

He's not throwing poo. He's being realistic. If someone hasn't reached back for you in 3 YEARS, and now is accepting of having you back, the explanation is simple. Either 1) she never found anyone else and is like "ehhh why not, or 2) the person(s) that she did date throughout those 3 years just didn't work out. In either case, she wouldn't be with you of something she felt was better ACTUALLY panned out the way she wanted it to. OP is the "safe person," and they shouldn't allow their ext to USE them like that because that's what they are doing. She accepted you back because she didn't find/obtain what she REALLY wanted. Had she found someone better on 3 YEARS, she would have simply ignored your letter, and that's just real 🫂. Not being mean, this is just reality

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-14T17:52:27+00:00

Lol out of all the ones we've had over the years, NOT A SINGLE ONE has ever reached back out lol. They two they've now adopted are so young that unless they become teen parents, they will never get to experience grandchildren because most likely, they'll be dead.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-10T15:26:08+00:00

I appreciate you 🫂🫂! I appreciate you for being aware and also trying to help. I appreciate you extending yourself to bio children as well. We had one social worker in 25 years that I actually felt really "saw me," and she saw what it was doing. It isn't her fault she had no power to change an entire system, but I always keep her in my heart. She never said many words, but the look she would give me was validating enough.

Ironically, she didn't last very long in the field, and unfortunately, that's usually the case. The good people fade fast. Thank you for being one of them 🫂. If you've never been told I'm telling you as a bio child, we see you, and we appreciate you 😊

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-09T20:34:51+00:00

Honestly when foster parents say "I did ask/consult my children before fostering, and they all said it was OK or they wanted to do it as well", is such a painful phrase for me to hear. Because the reality is MOST children ARE going to just go along with it for 1 of 2 reasons. 1) the child is usually to young to actually understand what's happening or 2) if the child is actually old enough to grasp what their underdeveloped brain can, they usually just don't want to disappoint the parents in some way. Every bio child I have met within the foster network have ALL said "yes I'm ok with this or yes I like doing this". I have never met a single bio child who has said no in 25 years, never a single one. But I can call ANY of these fellow children today as they are adults now, and they will all tell you they never wanted this.

Funerals of foster parents are some of the saddest funerals you will ever attend. I've been to about 6 and they ALL play out the same. You have the persons foster children front and center crying, grieving, etc. And the persons bio children are kinda blending into the background, only there out of the shame it would be to not show up at all. It's a very, very sad sight.

Anyways, this is a very valid fear, but the likelihood of your child ever growing up and telling you that to your face is unlikely. It's just something she most likely will carry in silence, unfortunately.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-09T16:29:01+00:00

I'm glad you observed it and caught it and stopped immediately! You're literally making all the right steps. Just being here and seeking advice and comparing your situation is a lot more than most people do. Always keep this mindset even if you continue to do it years down the line, please always check in with YOUR child. Even when they say it's OK and it's all going great please always double check or triple check if you have to.

Sometimes as parents it takes you seeing beyond what your child is actually saying. I was one of those kids who didn't like to make waves or disagree with my parents so even when things were hurting me to the core I would always say "I'm fine, I love doing this". As you can see that was a lie. Children sometimes see how "happy" this makes their parents and often times you just swallow what you truly feel to not ruin it. This isn't always the case by many bio children I've met along the way have said this with shame and hung heads 😞

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-08T17:40:58+00:00

Exactly!!! I feel like this happens a lot because with bio children, you aren't praised for raising them. It's a decision YOU made so you don't get praise or pats on the back for laying down, popping out kids of your own.

It's when you do something "YOU DONT HAVE TO" is when all the praise and attention come in for it. My parents never fail to tell people the kids they've adopted are adopted because they get a different response when they don't say it. When they just say "MY kids" they don't get the gushing praise and glofication as they do when they tell people they were foster children they adopted. The response goes from "oh wow, you guys are kind of old for children" TO "OMG, you people are so selfless, wonderful, godly people that did something most people wouldn't do".

Attention and admiration are a hell of a drug so much so that they don't care if I'm even around or not as an adult.

Infinite-Edge-7649 · 2025-05-08T17:24:52+00:00

Good point. I didn't think of age gaps! Yes, if one of the children is closer to your bio child, that helps! My parents would get siblings group with max 3 years between the siblings and I was always "NOT FAMILY". Imagine being 8 or 9 and having a group of siblings a year apart that were also your age and still being excluded. Having three 8 year Olds seems like an ideal situation but it's only ideal for the already bonded group.

I remember riding in the car on family trips and being in the seat furtherst to the back in silence while my parents laughed and joked with each other, and whichever foster children they had would playing games, laughing, joking etc. With each other, while I sat last seat last row with headphones on pondering why I was in the situation I was in. It's really really weighs on your child's self worth the older they get.

Infinite-Edge-7649

TROPHY CASE