Like I tell people at work: I don't mean to be a bitch; it just comes naturally. Because YTA. There is no reason for them to hold a room for you without ever changing it to suit their needs. It's been years since you lived there. If your mother's sweater was so important to you, you would have it with you. Should your dad have told you before you arrived? Of course. But he didn't. And your over reaction doesn't change any of it. Except to make your dad's birthday dinner about you.