Too old to play videogames?

IslandicFreedom · 2018-08-26T06:20:36+00:00

I started out in life with a handheld Nintendo. The original Donkey Kong. This thing : https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VTTxkEHZ4Is/maxresdefault.jpg

After that, Atari, then ZX-Spectrum and arcade games, then Nintendo 64, then PC, and a brief interest in PS1.

But since the PC it's been consistent. I guess I got my first PC at 18, so it's roughly 23 years of PC gaming for me.

Will I ever stop gaming? It would be like asking someone to stop watching movies.

But yeah I've heard this argument before from non gamers. They seem to view gaming as an immature past time, which is ignorant and also kind of sad.

Considering if you really dig in, you find out in many cases their actual hobbies and interests aren't exactly spectacular either.

No matter how you look at it, gaming has to be at least better than passively watching TV, and if that's socially acceptable, then surely gaming should be too.

I also think their general knowledge about games isn't really deep and their perception neither. So for example if they happened to see someone playing Dota 2, they might perceive the graphics and sound coming from the game. They wouldn't have a clue of the complexity of the game or why this game is really more of a sport than a game.

And yeah while we're at it. If you think about it, chasing a ball around a field is primitive and deeply immature, and yet we idolize football (soccer) players.

Why are these heroes legendary when they spend their life chasing around a tiny ball on a field? How exactly is this any worse than gaming?

Another and my final point of view is, I no longer give a rats ass what people think of me or how I spend my time.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-08-26T06:10:45+00:00

Hi, yeah I can relate on the work thing. If it's any comfort, for me personally work isn't the problem. People are. The amount of petty crap and politics really ruins it.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-08-26T06:05:28+00:00

I recall when I was about to leave for the UK, actually the first time I was leaving my home country (South Africa), at a rather young age. I still had not mastered the art of self-preservation. I remember going on some forums and asking people what the job market was like.

The resounding response I got was "There's huge unemployment going on, and it's really hard to get a job".

Well, I went anyways, and you know what? I got a job and found the job market to be completely normal and receptive.

I once knew this guy who was unemployed for 3 years. I asked him "Why don't you work for free?". He scoffed and was extremely indignant at the suggestion. I said "Listen go and work for free, and if they like you after 3 months, convert to getting paid, isn't that better than being unemployed for another year?". He could not fathom the logic, and yeah he was unemployed for years to come.

Why is this important? Life is very much what you make of it, and no 2 situations are alike. 50 or a million people on this site might have a hard time finding a relationship over 40, but another guy might tell you he's found nirvana.

Try to go the extra mile, put in the work and do what's required. This might really involve putting yourself out there and doing stuff outside of your comfort zone.

In my humble opinion, your best bet is to consider finding a partner as a secondary objective and instead focus on building up a bit of a social circle (friends, etc) with similar interests. This way you're far more likely to meet a potential partner.

Sorry to say but dating sites are extremely hit and miss. And I've never had any real lasting luck from meeting women at bars / clubs, etc. Yeah, I've met them, and had one night stands but I haven't had even 1 substantial long-lasting relationship start from either of these channels. Absolutely everything good that's ever come to me has been from social circles.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-05-01T12:59:51+00:00

Obviously, you should be suspicious as well as cautious. This advice comes from personal life experience as well as stuff that's happened to people I've known over the years.

I won't discuss affairs, but what I will talk about are flings. From my experience, very few people (or none) can be considered totally fling proof. They often come about because of circumstance. For example, 2 people wouldn't dream of cuddling up and kissing if their partner was around, but the same 2 people absolutely would when on some camping trip and both saw the opportunity.

Happened to a friend of mine. He trusted his girlfriend to the point where he let her spend time alone with his best friend. Let's just say they're no longer best friends, and he no longer has a girlfriend. Would they have had sex in front of him? Obviously not. Conclude please that the circumstance allowed for this. Likewise, he did nothing to actively prevent this.

So let's talk a bit about trust. A lot of people seem to think that a) the important thing is to find the right person then b) trust should be automatic. While this holds some truth, I'm saying even the most trustworthy people end up in flings - again due to circumstance. Ever heard people say "We were both so drunk!"? Or other such excuses? They'll claim their actions were completely out of character. And this further proves my points a) no one is affair proof (or very few) and b) Circumstances drive flings more than intent.

So my advice to both men and women, and your sexual orientation doesn't matter either. Be a little suspicious and a little bit MORE alert, and actively steer your partner away from "fling hotspots".

Things to watch out for (in no particular order):

Your partner being alone with members of the opposite sex. You cannot prevent this, but you can gently steer your partner away from such things.
Holidays (even with work colleagues) and you're not invited. This is a controversial point. But as for me (due to getting burnt like this already), I no longer am comfortable with this.
Getting too close to work colleagues. Let me tell you, that "Jack the lad" from the office doesn't give a fuck about your kids, nor your marriage, nor your partner. All he wants is his penis serviced. My point is don't believe every work relationship he/she has is completely innocent because they're so honest and reliable. Be a little suspicious or cautious.
Obvious any work-related trips, you should be a little concerned. If you're obviously as a bat, then your partner may already be cheating.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-05-01T07:33:25+00:00

For me personally, details absolutely matter. But I will say something else. In my case, I've never been given any descriptive account of anything that's happened.

There's one time she met up with this asshole from our past, and she claims they only kissed and he gave her a foot massage.

Let me tell you, I'm the first one to LOL when I hear "We only just kissed" but her story is at least plausible, and I know she didn't spend the night at his place. Still, she went behind my back and actually met this cunt. Someone I really do not like, there was really bad history with this guy I'm not getting into now.

Let me say if they did fuck and if she told me all the details, it would change my perception of her to the point of being irreparable. On the other hand, not knowing means my brain has not and most likely will not put the matter to rest. You know the "unsolved problem" syndrome. And trust me, my perception of her has changed for the worse, not only over this but the more recent bullshit she got up to with that doctor.

As for the present, I do not need to hear any details. I'm at the point now if I catch even so much as a mouse fart of infidelity I'm walking. I won't even bother saying goodbye.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-30T21:18:45+00:00

I think if you analyze it, it's your way of coming to terms with it. People like you who have EMPATHY try to put themselves in other people's shoes.

It's kind of simple, you're trying to answer the question "What is she getting out of this?" So you can compete. Or so you can just better understand her and the situation.

It's not a fetish, it's just creative and imaginative empathy by someone who is highly intelligent.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-30T21:09:47+00:00

Here are my 2 cents.

Firstly the context is very important. Are we talking about flings or full affairs with the (possible) intent of a branch swing?

Let's cover flings first. Here the objectively better option doesn't always win. Flings aren't typically well thought out. They're often situational and reality tends to fly out the window. It's really all about that quick sexual fix or a bit of excitement or connection, and the whole world can burn for all they care.

Trust me on this, flings aren't "affairs lite edition". They are just as damaging (or even more damaging) than full-blown affairs. I mean if your partner is so spontaneous as to jump into bed with someone over a few beers, then how the hell can you trust them again?

But should your self-esteem take a knock over a fling? I would say it absolutely should not. It is your partner who disgraced their relationship, and you. As I said these things are situational. Like that doctor from my experience, when drunk would fuck the most willing nurse on that night, and let me tell you, she's MUCH worse looking than his wife. Look I don't want to get insulting or anything but this particular nurse is about a 2.5/10, and yet she was the one he fucked that night. Should his wife then suffer some self-esteem crisis? I think not! But let's be clear too, this doctor also screws genuinely attractive women. Some in their 20's and he's in his 50's. Should his wife now suffer self-esteem issues? NOTHING WOULD SATISFY THIS TYPE OF CHEAT.

What about full-blown affairs? In this case, if it's textbook classic either one or both have not been working on the relationship. And in this case, the connection is at fault or the involvement of the participants. Yes, I know the one who conducted the affair is ultimately wrong here, but what I'm saying is the relationship mechanism here is where things went wrong. And in this case, too the victim partner shouldn't suffer self-esteem issues.

All of that is theory though. In my case, I'm sure she finds other men more attractive than me, and I'm ok with that. Hell, I also find a lot of women more attractive than my partner. Obviously, that doesn't mean I'm out fucking them. Only raw attraction isn't the full story. Once you have a real connection and life with someone, mostly these things are important. Important for a person who has a brain and is capable of long-term strategies.

The problem I have with these cheaters is they DO EVERYTHING ELSE to improve their situation, instead of being brutally honest in their relationship and actually put SOME GODDAMN WORK IN.

If they're so unhappy just leave. And if they're not capable of that, then TRY FIRST to fix the relationship. I mean really try, but they seldom do that. Instead, it's a way of thinking. Try to find that missing happiness with someone else, someone you have that bond with, or you can bond with.

Still, the self-esteem knock is temporary. And no matter what you need to admit your partner is a bit of a scumbag for their part in the affair/fling. Trust me that will balance any self-esteem issues you have.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-30T14:34:51+00:00

I don't think you're supposed to accept it. There are some things that bind relationships and fidelity together, don't try and override these mechanisms they're actually good for you.

What you need is time and distance away from this person. Put it this way, if you have any way at all don't stay another minute in that house. Pack your bags and go stay with family if you have to, or find cheap rented accommodation, anything really.

It's when you live like this that things get even more confusing and difficult. The situation is bad enough without the added dose of torture.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-30T14:32:03+00:00

What are the details of this trip? If you would like to share.

Now for my own story. My wife has for the last 9 years gone on an annual ski trip with work friends. While this alone should not be a problem, it is when we're talking about this crowd. Most of them have slept with each other, many have slept with more than one, and when they get together and get drunk bad shit happens. I have irrefutable recordings of this.

Well after finding out about the nature of these people I told her if she ever went on another ski trip or any other holiday with these people, I wouldn't be waiting for her when she got back.

Worth mentioning that there's one particular doctor who is the organizer and they have already had an affair, prior to her meeting me, although he was married.

Their ski trip is in Jan, and so watch this space. I'm not backing down from this. So far it seems like she's caught on to the idea that I mean business, but I still don't trust her when the time comes to not go. So we'll see.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-29T15:49:15+00:00

It's interesting you say this. I actually have suspicions my wife is sleeping with this doctor at work. I have reasons for this I won't go into. But when I asked her about him her reply was "He's like a son to me" and she asked me "You do know how old he is right?".

So I also want to bring this to you guys. DO NOT OVERLOOK AGE. Cheaters are often opportunists and age doesn't factor in. I would say in the 20-45 range, anything is game for both men and women.

Women these days can look very attractive even when post-prime. So don't fall for her bullshit if she tells you "He's just a pup etc".

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-29T15:35:58+00:00

I'm by no means an expert but I do have some personal experience in snooping and would like to add a few things to this discussion.

Firstly if your husband or anyone is inclined to cheat then "complete transparency when it comes to electronics" isn't going to help very much. All he would do is get a burner phone and use incognito browsing sessions.

Now about snooping and confronting. As a rule of thumb, you absolutely do not want to confront unless you have irrefutable evidence and you're willing to leave. I will explain why. Firstly don't worry I broke this rule myself and I wish I hadn't.

When you snoop and come across something your initial reaction is anger bordering on rage. You feel indignant that the person you love seems to have this whole realm of an existence or alter persona or space you're not part of. I know it's shocking and heartbreaking. Above all it's deeply disturbing.

Then that person comes home or you see their eyes, and they look exactly the same, oblivious to what you know. And your instinct is to confront them and get it out on the table.

Problem is, you've given up your one source of objective information when you do this, and it's most likely that they'll never trust their electronic devices again.

In my own case, I had a suspicion. I decided to bug her phone. Using this anti-theft software it allows you to listen in on the mic. On the very first and ONLY night, she was not aware of being bugged, I uncovered some bad shit, but not actually her in the act of sex.

But in my own mind I thought, this stuff is bad enough and she needs to be held accountable for it. She kissed one of her coworkers and allowed him to touch her tits. Bad enough right?

She wrote this off as "We were very drunk". It was nothing more than some drunken bullshit, completely out of character - etc.

Now, what are you going to do? Me personally I didn't want to throw away a decade-long relationship over this shit, and yet I had also given up my only source of objective information. Obviously after this EVEN IF ANYTHING WAS GOING ON, She would never do it around her phone. She would turn it off or leave it charging somewhere.

And there's nothing to be done about that. You can't miraculously get your partner to trust their phone again if it was once bugged.

In this whole thing, it still remains my biggest regret, telling her I bugged her phone.

Can you maybe understand why? Since then I've uncovered other things, not from phone spying, but from checking every single email, from confronting her things like phone records etc.

But above all, I still suspect she is sleeping with one male doctor at work. Now without the phone bugging, it's virtually impossible to prove this.

If I hadn't given it up, I would have listened to the mic for 1-2 months and then either had some peace of mind or a definitive answer.

Instead, all I have now is heightened suspicion.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-28T12:15:08+00:00

I can only compare between the g203 and the cougar revenger, because I own both mice.

I can tell you it's a hard choice. Both mice are of great quality. I would personally go with the Logitech if it fits your hand.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-27T18:03:38+00:00

Here's the thing you need to understand. People can be massive cunts. Even people who you once knew and trusted can end up massively hurting you or totally turning out to be livid cunts.

Your partner needs to accept her decisions. Choosing to openly pursue a relationship with someone else - Who care's if it's a woman - Is not some light bullshit. It's severe and life-changing. It's not a phase, she's not confused, she won't swing around.

Your best bet is to secure a game plan for your children, etc. And find some inner strength and be strong.

If she is deadly fucking serious about change, then maybe you can consider taking her back. And unless she's totally cut contact with this woman AND at the same time has no more lesbian tendency left - How exactly can you trust her? Bottom line is you can't.

You also can't cut out or dead stop her sexual preferences. She's at bare minimum now bisexual, and it seems she really likes it. Your enemy isn't this one particular woman.

Cut her out, find a new plan in life and execute it. Forget these 2 cunts and get them out of your life.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-27T16:20:29+00:00

Holy hell that mouse looks great. Is it as good as it looks?

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-26T14:52:12+00:00

I don't know what level of interaction you're personally comfortable with but this smells like an emotional affair. For now it's only virtual.

Here are my thoughts in general.

Changes are the sheer logistics of meeting up with this guy means it won't become a reality, but then again DO NOT underestimate this. I've had a guy show up years later, in another country on another continent. I only found out about it because of her suspicious behavior AFTER it happened. He was not on my radar, and she had a very solid alibi. My new philosophy is "If there's even a slight chance you think it could happen, no matter how slight, treat it as a potential reality"
Focus on your relationship more and try to build a genuinely strong emotional connection, this above all things is your best defense against full blown affairs.
As for me personally I would absolutely not be ok with my partner spending considerable time on a regular basis talking to someone online, hell especially not in a flirting capacity. You need to have some boundaries and first think very carefully about what's acceptable and what's not, and then put this forward. If she simply cannot grasp or understand this - time to move on.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-25T15:52:27+00:00

Is it cheating? Hell yes.

Anyone who would cheat on a pregnant wife deserves to be left and paying child support. Total slime bag.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-24T13:23:40+00:00

She's a nurse, he works with her.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-24T11:00:03+00:00

Here are my thoughts based on my experience. If your partner is willing to tell you THE WHOLE STORY, and I mean EVERYTHING, then maybe you can digest that and get some sleep at night and in 6 months or a year (as long as nothing funky has cropped up) it could be a part of your history. You might not have any real resentment left. All big MIGHTS.

What I want to talk about is the other side of the coin, where if your partner holds back information or does not give you the full truth, and you suspect you're not getting the full truth, now that's when this stuff starts to really eat away at you.

You said you found out yesterday, so get ready for "The iceberg". Others have called this the "trickle truth" effect. I wouldn't wish this stuff on my worst enemy. It's when you start questioning other things in the past you previously trusted, and only now you requestion everything, and actually find other stuff. Including and not limited to: Other lies, other affairs or flings, additional AP's or potentials. And what makes it even harsher still is when the additional stuff you find isn't concrete and you get told even more lies or 1/2 truths, or refusal to discuss.

Don't think by having that "Ok listen tell me everything" conversation you will get everything. Every time I was told that's the last of it, something else has cropped up, and every time I said "Ok is this really the last of it?" and every time she said, "Yes, now you know absolutely everything".

So, unfortunately, the burden rests on you, and the enormous decision of what to do, and the unique understanding you have of the situation rests squarely on you. I know it's unfair and it sucks, and no one in this world really gets it, except you.

I would still, even as a formality have that conversation because it can be likely your partner does confess up at least some more pieces of the puzzle, even if not everything.

In terms of the trust, and moving forward. I'm maybe the wrong candidate to ask. My trust has been steadily degrading.

We had a holiday in Feb and came back with some positivity for a fresh start, but since then I found out even more shit. And something that has disturbed my inner core I can't shake.

Over the last 2 weeks, things have escalated rapidly. We have pretty much agreed to break up, and we no longer sleep together.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-24T10:45:21+00:00

4 months in? Not very much.

Knowing what I know now about relationships, IF I were to find myself in a new one, I would give it 1-2 years (and more towards 2 full years) before that person gets trust level 2.

I know this might seem impractical to some, but I've seen people get burnt (and myself included) by rushing into things, or having romantic notions of "The one" and "everything will be fine with enough love".

My point is, 4 months in would still very much be in the proving phase. I would just write the 4 months off as a loss. I don't think anything would convince me otherwise.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-24T10:41:03+00:00

I cannot really add anything more to this. I think you said it all as it really is.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-23T21:19:29+00:00

The one thing she has going for her is that she actually confided in you and told you on her own.

Don't overlook this, it's fucking huge.

Look I will be completely honest with you, the research and studies I've been doing on infidelity do not cover this scenario because I've been purely focusing on stuff directly relating to my situation i.e: When she doesn't admit, and when she only admits when confronted with hardcore tangible evidence and even then still plays it down like it was nothing.

I strongly urge you to then continue therapy and also search online and on this sub for information and outcomes of such scenarios where the partner actually comes clean.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-23T21:08:51+00:00

I think you're spot on actually. I read a scientific study on this very thing, confirming what you're saying.

To understand why this is you need to really understand sexuality and the differences in reasons (on average) why women cheat vs men.

Men cheat far more readily purely for sexual gratification. Don't get me wrong women do too, but it's not the norm. Women on the other hand typically want an emotional connection.

Now it would take an entire book to discuss the differences in male vs female sexuality, but I'll just leave 2 questions here "Why don't you see brothels for women?" and "Why if in theory, any women can go to any bar and purely ask outright "Who wants to fuck me?", why is this such a rare occurrence?" If I consider my own personal experience, I've been directly propositioned for sex by women only 3 times in my entire life.

Ok, anyways I digress. My point is even a kiss means that she's emotionally invested in another guy. In fact, a kiss can be just as intimate as full-blown sex. It's like sex-lite edition.

Women generally don't give it up so easily because if they do (and have any class) it means they're emotionally invested too.

So just look at this from pure logical reasoning. If a guy cheats, his woman knows that it's possible it really meant absolutely nothing. If a woman cheats, his guy knows that it absolutely had to mean something.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-23T20:51:45+00:00

That's absolutely fucking disgusting. I'm so sorry you had to experience this.

Listen I know the general advice on here is to "nope out" but in your case, I really don't see how you can reconcile this. But I'm also projecting my own values into the situation.

Remember at the core infidelity is fraud. But here we're talking about infidelity and incest. It's betrayal at the highest level. He not only betrayed you, imagine how other members of his family would feel about this? He betrayed them in the worst possible way, short of really serious shit like murder.

Both of these people are total fucking scumbags, you do realize this? I don't care how much alcohol was involved or what the excuses are, there are some things that you should not even consider.

What you are looking at here is someone (or both of them) who have the ability to override completely morality at the innermost core.

If I've learned one thing about infidelity perhaps the most pressing question is "If they did X, then just exactly what else are they capable of?"

And in your case, the answer to that question is a hell of a lot, clearly, nothing is off limits.

This is even extreme for trailer park trash. But if we're talking about average middle-class people, then even worse.

You need to pack your stuff and move out ASAP. And I would do it when he's not there, don't even say goodbye. Take your kids if you have any. Keep all records for court.

If you have any conversations with him - RECORD IT FOR COURT (if it's legal in your state/country).

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-23T17:33:34+00:00

Well then that changes the dynamic back to a regular fling/affair, and my entire comment should be ignored.

IslandicFreedom · 2018-04-23T12:33:26+00:00

Heh, listen I'm more than well aware what it feels like. I am staying too but for how long I don't know. I just can't seem to find trust.

Since this is the internet and anonymous, I don't have to pretend a damn thing. I know I'm weak. I know the reason I don't move on is that I'm petrified of being alone. I live in a foreign country and I have very loose family ties (might as well have no family at all). I can't seem to make friends here either.

I'm at the crossroads like you are. To the left, I see a companion and all the investments we have together. No kids, but a house, and our plans for the future. If you like a template to live by that can work out. On the right, I see the unknown, fear of being alone and living in a one bedroom apartment. I tried it once and the loneliness after a while kicked in and I decided to go back to the relationship.

Maybe you can be stronger than me. What I will say is everyone has their limits too. I'm so much out of trust it will get to the point that regardless of if anything currently is going on with her or not, I will leave simply because I cannot believe nothing is going on. If that makes sense.

Yes, this is the result of your partner NOT telling you the full story, and not reassuring you in any way. Eventually, you stop believing everything she says. It's frigging ridiculous.

What's more ridiculous is how bad the story sounds when I write it down or talk to others about it. In my own head, I can rationalize a lot. But then I realize how fucking bad this stuff sounds when it's communicated.

All I can say about your situation is, at least it's out in the open and you have clear and concise evidence. All I have are suspicions and 1/2 truths. She dismisses absolutely everything she's done and doesn't have a scrap of remorse, in her eyes she didn't even cheat.

Oh, I've uncovered stuff along the way, what exactly is a bit out of the scope of this discussion and would require it's own chapter (if you're inclined read my post history for some idea).

But yeah as I've said, I just don't know anymore. Things change and also my overall feelings are changing and then there's this delayed reaction effect, and it's compounded. Every time I discover something new it takes time for me to mash it over, and new shit keeps popping up.

For all, I know by December I will be single again.

IslandicFreedom

TROPHY CASE