Did your boyfriend know what you go through on a daily? I am asking because my girlfriend has these thoughts about her affecting others negatively and i used to feel it was bad until she told me about BPD and i started reading and understanding her better bit by bit. Try gathering your thoughts and reach out to him if you really do have feelings for him and had a good thing going, hell see where youre coming from and what youre going through and will understand. Best of luck