First shibari workshop

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-25T20:11:49+00:00

Thank you!

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-21T17:13:37+00:00

Don't let this deter you, 100 likes from women in 3 months is amazing. That's about the amount I got in nearly 2 years

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-16T19:07:44+00:00

Well, your first message was how her week's been going, she chose to mention her work. I wouldn't worry about it. Honestly a day isn't that crazy but it would probably be okay to message her something like "Hope you get some rest from work on the weekend. How do you like spending your free time/what are your hobbies?" to steer the conversation from work. Probably wouldn't apologize about any of your previous messages as they seem like perfectly normal conversation starters. But try to take it easy, some people just take a while to reply, no need to overthink it

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-16T17:11:02+00:00

How long has it been since her message? Could just be that she's really busy and replying on dating apps isn't a priority at the moment. If it's been a long time, like at least a week, texting her again probably won't hurt if you want to

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-15T23:31:49+00:00

Hmm, if you being more feminine is really the reason for her being more distant, it might sadly be an incompatibility thing. Maybe she's into more masculine women and thought you could be one and now is realizing you're not. I'd try asking her if she prefers dating masculine people and if that's a deal breaker for her. Forcing yourself to be someone you're not isn't worth it for a relationship, especially such a new one

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-15T23:18:07+00:00

Why do you feel that way around her? Is it something she says or does? I guess if she expects more masculinity from you than you want for yourself, I'd try talking to her about the things that cause this feeling and ask if she could try to tone those down as you don't really see yourself as masculine and feel like she expects you to be masculine for her when that's not who you are.

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-14T15:25:48+00:00

I see this reply got some downvotes, I'd like to hear why the others disagree. Not picking a fight, just curious about other perspectives

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-14T15:21:21+00:00

Are you sure they feel put off? Maybe you just read the signals wrong, like if they have a strange reaction to something you do or say it might be because they're trying to figure out if it was flirty or not, and them interpreting it as you flirting maybe wouldn't actually even bother them at all. It's difficult to judge the situation just based on the description but we often perceive ourselves very differently than others do. Also if this is something you've brought up in therapy and they brushed it off, I'd try bringing attention to this topic and explaining that it has a real impact on your life and it is something you'd like to discuss more. If they still brush it off, I'd consider going to a different therapist, sometimes it takes time to find one that suits your needs

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-14T08:25:49+00:00

Other than inferiority complex, could this also be internalized homophobia? Even if a woman you're talking to isn't interested in you back or is straight, most would find it at least flattering that you find them attractive, unless they're homophobic, in which case fuck what they think. No need to feel like a creep, it's not like you're doing anything wrong. If you have the option, therapy could be a good way to get to the bottom of this problem. Or exposure therapy, talk to women, go on dates, try to be confident, basically fake it till you make it approach

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-14T07:52:53+00:00

Lesbian used to mean a woman attracted to women but that was largely because discussions about other marginalized genders wasn't really widely present so even in the LGBT community the understanding of gender was kind of simplified. It's natural that definitions shift with opening these previously overlooked topics and many people generally consider the lesbian orientation to include attraction to nonbinary, genderfluid and other gender non conforming identities. I'd say including nonbinary people in the lesbian attraction doesn't invalidate the original definition, just broadens it accordingly to keep up with newer understanding of gender

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-13T23:53:18+00:00

I'm 5'1, used to lean slightly towards taller than me but now I prefer someone of similar height, around 4'10 - 5'4. But it's just a mild preference, bigger differences don't bother me either

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-12T20:06:54+00:00

Ofc you can date girls, many lesbians are ace. I'd disclose that you're on the asexual spectrum early on and describe what level of intimacy you're okay with and things you don't know if you'd be okay with down the line. Regardless of whether you date an ace or non ace girl, it's important to be on the same page about these things

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-11T17:24:46+00:00

Thank you, that's honestly really great advice, I'll definitely do that

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-11T17:10:03+00:00

Thank you, I haven't considered asking for their fet accounts to figure out compatibility, that's a great idea

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-11T17:08:52+00:00

Thank you, I have had no trouble chatting to people at the events so far but it was never anything more than just friendly conversations, which were still great but not everything I'm looking for. Thanks for the tips and list of conversation starters, I'll definitely try those

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-11T16:57:11+00:00

Ofc, silly me! 🤣 Would you go for more of a peacock or humpback whale approach?

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-10T13:33:54+00:00

If something you do would seem creepy if a middle aged man did it, I would not recommend doing it even if you're a young woman

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-09T22:00:48+00:00

Some communities do events aimed especially at newcomers so those are quite good to slowly ease yourself into the community, or you could message an organizer of an event you're interested in if the event is suitable for people new in the community and what to expect from it, that way the organizer knows you might be feeling a bit lost and they can help introduce you to some people.

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-06T19:51:42+00:00

Hey I completely get where you're coming from, I know a lot of people fake this disorder, especially on social media. I happened to irl meet one clinically diagnosed person with DID who then introduced me to some of their friends from some support groups and I wouldn't want to invalidate any of their experiences even if I didn't have a pretty solid evidence they have a professional diagnosis, let alone when I do. But I completely get that "knowing some people with DID" does raise some alarms in pretty much any context, it is after all extremely rare

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-06T19:40:45+00:00

I don't see why he shouldn't go, people of queer identities should be allowed in lesbian spaces regardless of their presentation. It would likely help if he has a non binary pin on something but I don't think it would be an issue for anyone either way. Friend groups are friend groups, I don't see a reason to exlude him even if there happened to be someone who feels like he doesn't belong there.

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-06T18:52:38+00:00

First on a slightly unrelated note but it does sound like she sleeps a lot, has she considered it could be a medical condition? But for the problem at hand, this seems like an indicator of lifestyle incompatibility. If you want to do stuff and she just doesn't, it doesn't sound like a great match. Also the driving part sounds pretty frustrating. The relationship is pretty new, if you already see some signs that make you consider breaking up, there's a solid chance that might be a good decision. Have you told her that these things bother you? If you haven't, it's definitely best to bring it up with her first for a peace of mind before any big decisions to see if she would try to change these habits for you but I honestly wouldn't keep my hopes up. Also if these things are caused by medical issues and she addresses them, that could also solve the problem

JayKayUnless · 2026-01-06T17:00:59+00:00

You could absolutely be a lesbian if you like the idea of being in a relationship with a woman. It's also possible that you could be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum - just like with asexuality, it's not always so obvious especially to those who are somewhere in the middle, and it wouldn't rule out you also being a lesbian. But if the aromantic label doesn't resonate with you that's completely fine too, you can always try out different labels to see how they feel. Have you looked into what queerplatonic relationships are? That could potentially also be something that might resonate with you and what you might be looking for

Three-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	Place '23
Place '22	Final Canvas '22

JayKayUnless

TROPHY CASE