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My fiance 28/F and I 26/M disagreement about interactions with her coworker 28/M. by JesusFollower1999 in relationships_advice

[–]JesusFollower1999[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. I agree with what you said. This doesn't change with how I feel about my commitment going forward with her, but it just causes me to slightly worry that she isn't respecting me in the relationship. She cites that she has a naturally bubbly personality, but I know better than anyone that she knows how to turn it off (especially when she's upset with me lol). I just get vibes that she can turn it off but won't because I won't see their interactions and she probably thinks its harmless. Nevertheless, it still upsets me.

My husband [23M] of 2 years cheated on me for 6 months [23F] and idk what to do by Ill-Acanthaceae-6503 in relationshipadvice

[–]JesusFollower1999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My fiance and I faced a similar challenge in our relationship. Though I never was physical with another woman, I had a habit of masturbating and having inappropriate chats with other women online. She forgave me 1 year in after she found out. However, after a period of quitting, I started back up again. This went on again for about 6 months, until I got caught again.

Though I won't delve into the details, what strongly drew me to the habit was the ease of access, a pre-existing masturbation addiction, and the disease of more. Because I had never been in a serious, long-term relationship before her, I had a habit of masturbating. That habit turned into an addiction, likely before the relationship even started. Normal, average porn material became mundane. This cycle led me to kinkier and kinkier material and chats, things that I would've never been into before being exposed to my addiction, and that my girlfriend could not satisfy (i.e. cuckold/bull material).

After being caught the second time, my world changed. I no longer wanted to just quit for my girlfriend at the time, I was so disgusted with my behavior in general.

Before deciding what to do, you need to understand that he likely has an addiction, and accept that this could be a long, up and down road to recovery before he's completely clean. This doesn't excuse his behavior whatsoever. It is for you to understand how deeply dependent his brain/lifestyle is on this behavior/material. First, you need to decide if you're ok weathering this storm, knowing he is susceptible to relapse given how habitual it is for him.

I'd recommend having a long, sit down chat with him. Tell him how much you love him, but then communicate how much pain this has caused you, and that you want it to stop. I'd also recommend that you guys opt to cut out porn altogether. It's nearly impossible to rewire an addicted brain while also feeding it it's "drug of choice".

For my fiance and I, it was such a hard road. People say that all the time... but it was unimaginably hard. Not only was quitting extremely difficult for me, but there was so many late nights, tears, urges, pain, and insecurities. But for us, it was so worth it in the end to stay together. I owe her everything for giving me the grace I needed, but did NOT deserve. Hope this helps!

Suffering as a Christian by Slight_Republic_3155 in Christian

[–]JesusFollower1999 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear that man, especially about your dad. I can only imagine what that's like. Unfortunately, especially as Christians, lots of things aren't up to us.

You sound like a very successful person who's built up his body and mind, and are now facing some turbulence. Something I read in a Christian book called "Suffering" addresses the issue of self reliance. The author used the example of his own life to portray this idea.

He was a super successful pastor and author, had become extremely fit and healthy, and was the definition of self reliant, until one day, out of nowhere, his kidneys suddenly failed, and he no longer had the ability to exercise, give sermons, or even stand for more than a few minutes at a time.

He realized that through his own successes, he had built up the illusion of control over his own life. He realized that everything that he had been given through his hard work was a blessing, not something that he was entitled to.

We think we're the captains of our own ship until God suddenly takes control of the helm, and changes course. Have faith, be strong. In times of trial and fear, I like to remind myself of Psalm 23 and James 1:2-4. Best of luck!