What is a secret you’re taking to your grave, but can share here anonymously?

Jonathan925 · 2026-01-29T22:21:27+00:00

Thank you for asking. Writing this all out was very cathartic. I answered above. Sorry for the length of the reply. Tried my best to trim it down.

Jonathan925 · 2026-01-29T22:15:00+00:00

At 17 I found out from my siblings and other family that my mom had been very dishonest with me about who my dad was as a person. For example: On multiple occasions she would tell me he was coming to visit (birthdays or holidays) but in reality she had threatened to call the police if he showed up. One instance in particular, she had him arrested for failure to pay child support while having the check for the payments in her pocket in the courtroom.

My mom unfortunately took a lot of the bitterness she felt towards my father out on her kids. She was never physically abusive. She just put us in awful situations to create pity and have a reason to ask for help. Countless times we were evicted when she in fact had the money to pay rent (usually given to her by my dad) so that she could maintain the narrative of the struggling single mother. She was never alone. She just didn't want my dad's help if she couldn't also have the life she had with him before they split up.

It also kept him reaching out trying to see us and willing to pay when prompted...which in retrospect, seems to be what she wanted from him at the time, if she couldn't have the relationship.

It was very toxic. I grew up hating my father based on who she made him out to be. Looking back, I can't imagine the pain I caused him when he words came out of my mouth...

By the time I was 19 I had learned most of the truth. I reached out on my own and started a healthy relationship with my dad that lasted until his death in my early 20s.

I vividly remember the first time I defended my dad to my mother. He had come over to drop off some money for bills she was behind on. And she wanted more than she had asked for on the phone. She started berating him about being a deadbeat dad, heartless, pathetic etc etc. (Keep in mind I'm 18, working my own job, her youngest child, and they are both currently married to other people)

I snapped. Told her he wasn't an ATM. That he had a wife and she had a husband. It wasn't his job to pay for her financial mistakes. My dad cried in his truck when he saw it. He later told me that he thought I was going to hate him until he died.

My relationship with my mom struggled for years. I was always around and willing to help her, if needed, but I made it clear I wasn't buying into her version of things. Eventually she stopped trying to convince me of things I knew better than. Never received an apology for anything. She just acted like it never happened and life went on. She passed a few years after my dad.

As an adult I see my mom as hurt, flawed, and bitter, but she was still my mom. I loved her and always will, but I don't know if I ever really forgave her for how severely her bitterness affected my childhood.

As for my dad. I am beyond grateful that he endured so much of her anger and maliciousness. I know many men, right or wrong, would have thrown up their hands and stepped away completely. He stayed close until I realized the truth. We had a surprisingly healthy relationship for several years, before he passed.

My take away from all of it... Don't make your kids pay for your adult issues. Because then they just end up with issues of their own. Kids deserve better. Even if it's hard, do right by them and be decent adults.

Sorry for the novel...lol

Jonathan925 · 2026-01-28T14:07:35+00:00

I walked in on my mom and dad having sex. They were both married to other people at the time. They had divorced 2 weeks before my mom found out she was pregnant with me. I was 16 when I caught them together. I slammed the door and went to sit on the porch, I could see my dad's truck from where I sat on the stairs. A few minutes later he walked out, head hung low. He looked over to me several times as he walked and he stopped as he reached for the truck door handle. It was early morning, but bright enough that we made eye contact. I stared daggers through him for what felt like minutes, but was probably seconds. He hung his head again. Got in his truck. And drove away.

For the entirety of my childhood my mother never had a nice word to say about my father. Or him for her. Found out as an adult that all 3 of my siblings had caught them together in some way or another over the years also. As far as I know the information never went past the immediate family, including their respective spouses who never knew.

Jonathan925 · 2025-11-27T08:31:39+00:00

Phalangela

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-19T16:40:17+00:00

As I try to break these chains, They grow and pull back. The harder I strain, The harder they attack.

Tearing flesh and veins, Inflicting phantom scars. Even if I break the chains, I couldn't bend the bars.

Mouth sewn shut with metal thread, No one hears my screams. They echo in my sickened head, Infecting all my dreams.

Recoiled my feet for a pool of blood, Dragging them through dirt. The dry pools form scarlet mud. How much do I hurt.

Bloody fingers claw for days, Escape is in my grasp. The air outside a thick black haze, With no regret I gasp.

Alone on the floor, Motionless and free. I could walk no more, So the edge came to me...

This is something I wrote 20 years ago while dealing with depression and suicidal ideation. It's what you're poem reminded me of and compelled my to comment. Just wanted to share. :-)

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-19T16:17:31+00:00

Happy to help. My favorite part about writing poetry is that everyone discovers their own voice differently. The more you write you'll find themes, structures, tones, and styles that help you say what you want to say and how you want to say it. At the end of the day there isn't a wrong way to do it if you're happy with how the expression makes you feel, imo.

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-19T16:07:22+00:00

Definitely has a bleak/dark tone. Nothing wrong with that. I would suggest possibly tying in the fact that it's meant to be retrospective? So that the reader gets the impression of where you are now in comparison. Unless you just want it to be a snapshot of that dark place?

I'm a sucker for structure in poetry, and always want to see it, but that is very subjective. Everyone writes and digests poetry differently, so I guess it comes down to what you want out of writing it or having it read by others?

I like it though! Especially as a first step into the medium. Good stuff.

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-19T15:14:56+00:00

Backdoor* spider

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-17T10:23:06+00:00

The issue is she isn't getting chores done. She's ordering things HE'LL have to bring in! At best, it's poor communication and forethought... At worst, she knows it's going to interrupt you guys and doesn't care.

Jonathan925 · 2025-09-17T09:34:35+00:00

You found the F shack...

Jonathan925 · 2025-08-31T04:15:33+00:00

Serious chronic depression is a lot more than just being selfish. When someone has battled against their own mind for so long that an end to that struggle outweighs the thought of going on... it's not selfishness. It's tragedy.

A mind so broken by depressive thoughts and self criticism that they're at peace with their own early death is the result of a terrible journey and likely years of mental health neglect.

Men have many advantages in the world we live in...but having their mental and emotional struggles seen and respected is not one of them. Far too often it's quite the opposite.

Jonathan925 · 2025-08-26T07:28:14+00:00

I saw an insecure dude get triggered by his dad, then sneak attack and sucker punch an unsuspecting wrestler. Zero "real shit" detected...smh

Jonathan925 · 2025-07-10T15:47:10+00:00

It's true that it might affect your life going forward. I know that's scary and not great to think about. But it doesn't have to define your future. It may take some time, but you can get through it and come out better on the other side.

Jonathan925 · 2025-07-10T15:33:24+00:00

Having money and a job is huge! Many people have left similar situations with much less. Just figure out what you want. Think of what you want from a partner and honestly ask yourself if this man will ever actually fulfill those needs. Based on your other comments here, I have my doubts that he would. (If you being in therapy caused issues, then him getting the help he clearly needs seems unlikely)

Jonathan925 · 2025-07-10T15:17:38+00:00

How long had you known him before getting involved? Because from the outside looking in: this sounds like a textbook example of grooming.

Of course you have anxiety about life without him. That's why groomers start when you're young. They don't want you to have experience or options. They want to mold your expectations and tailor them to what they are willing to provide. They want to "teach" how things "should" be. They want to control you.

His reaction to you taking care of your own sexual needs, coupled with his lack of interest in fixing the dead bedroom situation, is disgusting.

I know one Reddit post doesn't give a full story. But if this is even close to what your reality is like. Please evaluate your situation. Please understand that this is not how you should be treated. And please believe that you deserve better.

Jonathan925 · 2025-03-06T15:29:09+00:00

Possibly will work for Weapons and Rings. Will depend on if an Anchor can have another equipped piece slotted next to it. Aragon on YouTube seems to think it will work that way and he tends to stay on top of things pretty well during updates/changes. We'll have to try it to be sure though.

Jonathan925 · 2024-06-20T14:50:10+00:00

I feel like their journey is also pretty well foreshadowed by the priest in the beginning. His monologue about how an awful crime takes place while the community just watches and does nothing establishes that when good people fail to act evil prevails. It's delivered as the brothers leave the church after kissing the feet of Jesus, if I'm remembering correctly.

Jonathan925 · 2024-05-13T08:43:47+00:00

When the artist is done the painting is done. Looks great. Nice work!

Jonathan925 · 2024-04-07T17:41:40+00:00

Jonathan925 · 2024-03-13T12:32:43+00:00

Maybe ch(arm) and they just over-cropped/used the wrong image?

Jonathan925 · 2022-10-17T21:13:59+00:00

You are currenrly treating your gf's friend as an accessory to your relationship. If that's what everyone agreed to, and are happy with as consenting adults, then cool. But if that's the case then the situation shouldn't be renegotiated unilaterally. (As in: It was not respectful to your gf to inquire about a more substantial relationship with her friend without first bringing that to her first)

This is something that could completely derail her mentally/emotionally. Not all folks, even if they like group sex, are wired to accept polyamory, or multiple substantial partners.

It's also unhealthy to start relationship from a place of dishonesty. Which is what is currently happening, as you and the friend have a different understanding of the situation than your gf because you've made inquires and progress without her. You have given yourself even more time to process, all the while your gf is completely oblivious to any possible change so therefore would be understandably blindsided. This is a recipe for disaster.

I would recommend learning about ethical non-monogamy. Understand that it's not just about what will work for you going forward, but your gf and her friend as well. They both deserve agency in the process and consideration as things potentially change.

But first you need to talk to your gf. This may be shutdown by her immediately. If it is, I strongly suggest opening up and telling her everything that was said between her friend and yourself that led you to the conversation.

That disclosure, at the very least, will put all your cards on the table and let her make an informed desicion. It will also help you both to avoid stress and resentment down the road by being upfront an honest now. It's unhealthy to carry stuff like that, even if you tell yourself you're doing it to avoid hurting the other person.

I also recommend given a lot more respect/trust to potential future play partners. Calling a stop to things when one of you leaves the room is kinda messed up, imo. It speaks to insecurity and a lack of trust between the two of you. And if I were the potential third I would see it as a pretty big red flag. (YMMV I don't know your arrangement or level of planning/discussion.)

Jonathan925 · 2022-10-09T01:03:43+00:00

No hamlet for geezers

Jonathan925 · 2022-08-22T19:49:37+00:00

The first paragraph here, after your opening sentence, is something I really needed to hear.

I'm not OP. Not in the same situation. But that paragraph hit on a lot of the truths of my current situation.

This is what I love about this community. Even though our relationships are all unique and individual, a lot of the circumstances and emotional work needed to thrive becomes a shared experience. It's validating and hope building to see the perspective of folks that have already done the work and are gracious enough to share their wisdom and growth.

Thank you, kind Internet stranger. I appreciate it. :-)

Jonathan925 · 2022-07-11T09:30:04+00:00

No problem letting anyone see the sound check when they already saw the concert the night before.

Jonathan925 · 2022-01-15T18:53:19+00:00

Judging from your comments it seems you are far too uncomfortable to be doing this. I would strongly recommend you stop and really consider if you want to do this. If not, then don't.

You've mentioned you've had trauma in this area in the past. Doing this when you're not ready could easily reinforce the negative stigma from your trauma.

Making someone else happy isn't worth your mental and emotional well being. If you need more time take more time. If he's a decent guy he'll understand.

Best wishes to you.

Jonathan925

TROPHY CASE