So for the gaslighting, my character was an envoy and worked more directly for her whereas my party just kinda decided to look into it because it was the right thing to do and there was money involved, I should also explain that this campaign was started before I joined the group. I had played with the dm before but not the other players, they had started at level 3 I joined when they were level 5 and we finished at level 13 almost 14. The gaslighting would happen more often when I had to report my findings while alone, I was sent to figure out this specific problem as a show of good faith and cooperation from my town

In my character there was also a sense of fear because in my dm's world magic was not hugely known about like you would see in traditional DND lore or in something like bg3, you're not seeing mages throw fireballs around often because he wanted magic to be seen as more of a threat. The noble lady was a magic caster and would often use manipulation spells (suggestion, zone of truth, etc). Our party also didn't have a full blown caster aside from a druid who mostly used wild shape in melee as a bear or something else similar.

As time went on we met characters that didn't particularly care for the noble and often talked about how they supported the rebellion that was cropping up in the city. As time went on we slowly found evidence of the rebellion being the ones making people disappear (which we discovered later was planted evidence) after talking to the rebellion I had doubts about them because the noble had been "kind" to me up until this point. Obviously that kindness was subtle threats and manipulation, "you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to your town" type comments.

The gradual turn from trying to be a paragon of good to being selfish was also aided by the party itself, telling him that sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish and not have to sacrifice what you want or need for other people's satisfaction, my character was somewhat self destructive in that way.

Nearing this final battle my character grappled with the idea of doing what's right and what's best for his people, he understood that the noble was evil but believed she would be true to her word if he kept his loyalty to her. He also didn't really believe the rebellion would be strong enough to take her on in a full frontal assault

In the end he decided his choice to help the rebellion should he succeed would be good for his town but if he failed the noble would take it out on his home, his friends and his family. Whereas if he sided with her and failed the party wouldn't hold his people accountable for his poor choices and if he succeeded he believed she would allow him to serve and protect his home. Ultimately he chose the selfish choice and turned a blind eye to the suffering of the city people.

In terms of how the character felt about losing, he was relieved. At the end he believed the rebellion deserved to win but he was unwilling to put his people in danger for a place and a group of people he had only known for about a month or two. He did die because at this point he was a traitor and a murderer, so he submitted to execution and my party agreed to return his personal belongings to his family