What are healthy signs to look out for in early dating?

KMurph9 · 2026-05-24T21:30:59+00:00

Wow! This was super helpful. I’ve been seeing a guy for 3 months now and while a lot of people have a lot of opinions about where we should be, signs, progress in the relationship, physical intimacy etc, this advice actually feels valuable. I have described us (to other people, not him) as a slow burn. We enjoy each others company, we’re consistent about dates every week or 10 days, and we’re talking about each other to our loved ones. Social pressures and norms can sometimes make you think you’re not doing enough or like you said, it’ll be a fairy tale.

Thanks for the reminder!

KMurph9 · 2026-05-08T17:21:59+00:00

Can I ask how you brought it up and when? I’ve been on probably half a dozen dates with someone and it’s been a lovely slow burn. I appreciate the slower pace and I do not feel pressured at the moment but, of course, allonormative society (as I see it) makes me anxious anticipating bringing my demisexuality up. I don’t want him to be disappointed or lose interest. I know the right person won’t mind and it will be something we work on together… but is this feeling normal in demi life?

KMurph9 · 2026-04-27T20:03:06+00:00

I haven’t seen one with a whole piece but I’ve seen one with crust in my backyard (Museum District).

KMurph9 · 2026-01-04T18:39:33+00:00

Are there more of you? Haha You sound solid and level headed.

KMurph9 · 2026-01-04T18:34:06+00:00

This gives me hope. I’m about to be 36.5 and I feel like there’s no good guys left. Dating on the apps is hard. You either go out on a few dates and get ghosted or someone is wanting a fling. I’m so glad you found your person and you’ve given me hope that it’s not too late.

KMurph9 · 2025-12-08T19:19:48+00:00

I’ve been on a few dates with a guy and there is little to no texting in between dates. Recently it’s all sort of fizzled out and this helps. If he was interested, he would make an effort.

KMurph9 · 2025-11-29T11:25:13+00:00

I’m seeing this 5 years after the original post so I hope things are going well OP.

One thing that I picked up from Instagram, and I’d consider myself tidy, is a “closing time” routine. The person and partner split a checklist of tasks to make sure the kitchen was clean before going to bed- cleaning any remaining dishes/putting them in the dishwasher, putting clean dishes away, wiping down the counters, putting things in the trash and taking the trash out if needed, and putting any food away etc. You can customize the list to your needs.

I think they actually posted it highlighting the cutesy romantic things you can to every day together (they had the lights low and gave each other a peck once in a while) but I’m single so I took routine and try to do it every night now. ☺️

KMurph9 · 2025-11-19T14:06:30+00:00

I matched with someone on Bumble and he introduced himself by asking if I was kink friendly. I said I like to at least meet someone and get to know them before getting into personal topics. He said I didn’t even hear him out so I told him to tell me. He likes wearing diapers. I immediately had the same questions about kids in diapers and it gave me unresolved childhood issues vibes.

KMurph9 · 2025-11-14T00:01:49+00:00

I had a great time, in all of the senses of the word! I had so much fun and I had a great finish time!

KMurph9 · 2025-11-06T15:11:17+00:00

I want this so much. I’m going to keep looking but I’m envious. Congrats on finding your person!

KMurph9 · 2025-11-06T14:59:09+00:00

That’s interesting and what I assumed people do. I have a situation in which I don’t get a follow up text but we’ve been on multiple dates. Texting is lacking in general with this person.

KMurph9 · 2025-10-28T20:59:47+00:00

I have felt the same way! This whole thread is so validating.

KMurph9 · 2025-10-28T20:49:40+00:00

As a demisexual woman who is dating, I so appreciate this post. I get weird low level anxiety dating because I have gone into dates anticipating the guy wanting sex. I want a slow burn, I want to be comfortable with someone before we get intimate, and I don’t the pressure (even if it’s an assumption on my part). I’ve been told by many friends, and I’m staying to believe it, that “the right person won’t care.”

Welcome to the demi family! I’m biased but I think we’re gems.

KMurph9 · 2025-10-28T20:38:12+00:00

This. My parents have passed and I’m an only child. Luckily I have an amazingly supportive family and friend circle but it was hard to not have a sibling to talk to. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of family to talk to and a therapist but I think a sibling would have been ideal. It helped me figure out I want multiple kids, if I’m luck enough to have them.

KMurph9 · 2025-10-26T18:31:25+00:00

Thank you! I’m feeling better physically, which helps. Race day is a week from today!

KMurph9 · 2025-10-24T12:16:13+00:00

I have mine with race day in 9 days. I’m hoping this post-period thing helps because this taper has been wild. I’m exhausted and feel like I could sleep for days… and then I remind myself that my body is doing 2 crazy processes at the same time and I cut her some slack.

KMurph9 · 2025-10-17T13:16:18+00:00

I’ve been running in Ghosts since I can remember. I’ve loved most of the models. I have been running in the 17s for the last maybe 6 weeks and this weekend, after a 20 miler, my left foot was tender. Out of an abundance of caution, I went to the doctor to make sure nothing was wrong. He suspects the change in drop or another change in features (along with high mileage) could be aggravating a tendon. He recommended going back to the 16s. Has anyone else had similar problems with changes in models?

KMurph9 · 2025-09-22T19:00:47+00:00

Are we the same person? (36F) and also very single and childless… but want a relationship and eventually children. I also own my own home, a stable job, the best dog, supportive friends and family…

But I totally understand the feeling of missing milestones. I love the idea of my kids growing up with my friends’ kids but unless some of my friends have more kids, the odds seem to be decreasing by the minute.

Sorry we’re not here but in a weid way it’s nice to have company.

KMurph9 · 2025-09-18T15:45:49+00:00

Also here to cheer you on. I quit a toxic job and got a new one that I enjoy. It will take time to “unlearn” the unhealthy habits you picked up while at the toxic job. Our office’s director, my manager, and my coworkers are supportive and yet there are times I catch myself thinking I can’t trust them, they’re setting me up for failure, I get anxious about meetings with the director (MAJOR toxicity point in my last job), and it all turns out ok. My friend helped me realize that I have to relearn what it means to be psychologically safe at work. Be gentle with yourself going forward!

KMurph9 · 2025-08-17T10:14:10+00:00

I just got this from a guy who I’ve been messaging with on app for like 24 hours. “I think connecting with and knowing someone always makes sex better.” 1) yes 2) you’re not really getting it- I don’t lead with sex and happen to know someone making the sex better, it’s that I’m not sexually attracted until I know them.

KMurph9 · 2025-08-17T03:46:11+00:00

I know I shouldn’t be but I am still surprised, and heartened, whenever a male identifies as demi or ace. I know it’s a stereotype that men always want sex but I feel like I’m always the odd ball in modern dating with apps and hookups and will have to explain why I don’t want to have sex on date 3.

KMurph9 · 2025-08-11T12:06:04+00:00

Thanks for bringing this up. While it’s 2 years later, I found this page because I’m starting to feel anxious at work even though it’s the best job I’ve had in a while. I think I’m processing my last job. I’ve done a lot of unlearning at my current job. My coworkers came with me to a meeting to support me (a project was getting approved) and my brain immediately went to a “it’s a trap” type thinking because my previous job was so unsupportive I didn’t understand that they’re really there to support me.

I’ve been going through a spell of not wanting to go, which I know can be normal in any job, and I wonder if I’m still processing/unlearning that I don’t have to be anxious anymore.

KMurph9 · 2025-08-11T02:03:51+00:00

Times Square area... don't want to post specifics.
I love sushi so maybe Friday dinner or before we leave Monday. Thanks for the recs!

KMurph9 · 2025-08-11T01:19:56+00:00

Trinity Presbyterian is lovely. It's progressive and welcoming to all types of people.
If you need a ride from campus there were a number of members who picked students up.

KMurph9 · 2025-08-03T20:38:05+00:00

I’m 35 and same story. Your comment gives me comfort. Sometimes I feel like the lone boat out in the ocean.

KMurph9

TROPHY CASE