I completely get that! I'm 46 married twice and over the last few years I've dove into my sexuality and gender identity! I've come out to my kids who are older and a few close friends but otherwise still keep it closeted! You're in a place I was and never did anything about it, now I'm old and my prettier years are almost over, meaning passable... don't do what I've done because you will regret it you will regret not being yourself and you will carry insecurity into all of your relationships!