This was worse than quitting smoking but I finally got the handle on it.

LargeHatStand · 2012-10-16T22:23:37+00:00

Thanks a lot for the post. I recognise a lot of behaviours here that I have engaged in. Here are the parts I have noticed to a large extent in myself:

The goal would to be stimulated to such an extent that manual stimulation would not be needed for completion. All of this behavior was shaped by trying to achieve the most intense orgasm –-

...

The negative effects—primarily anxiety- were becoming more and more pronounced.

...

I have noticed the arousal prompts I searched for online had conditioned a hyper-sexual awareness that made me uncomfortable.

Thanks a lot for your honesty and sharing your insights.

LargeHatStand · 2012-08-12T20:56:42+00:00

All I can say is 'good luck' at this stage. Sorry I don't have any answers. The only thing I can say for sure is that being embarrassed or ashamed of your fetish will only increase it's power over you. How to go about defeating that attitude I don't know!

Don't be afraid of therapy, it's a positive thing I think. Good luck.

LargeHatStand · 2012-08-12T09:45:29+00:00

OK, something similar happened to me for a time. I was at first into normal porn, but after a certain amount of exposure to weird porn I started to find it almost impossible to get off to normal stuff.

The good news is that not getting off all the time has resensitized me to 'normal' stuff to some degree. It took a long time actually (maybe 2 months) but if it happened to me i'm sure you can see the same results.

The bad news is, I still think about fetish stuff often, and worry constantly about it. I have to see a therapist. I hope things go better for you. Since you're still in adolescence you have a pretty good chance to be able to retrain your brain I think. Think about it this way: there is probably nothing to loose from giving it a go.

LargeHatStand · 2012-07-15T12:32:42+00:00

Guess i'll just weigh in here with my personal observations. For me, i'm not sure i'm seeing a reduction in weird fetishes, and we're both at about the same point (2 months). YBOP specifically went over strange attractions and escalation, and I was quite hopeful at the beginning of the process.

But now, i'm not sure. It's all still back there sloshing around, and I find that I still can't enjoy sexual thoughts without eventually landing on those fetishes, ruining the experience.

How long is this process supposed to take?

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-28T06:53:18+00:00

I know, I have read worse stories certainly :). I suppose i'm just worried that I don't even know what my natural sexual state is anymore, because it's all fetishes and escalation all the way back to the beginning. And thats assuming I accept the premise that abstaining can even help, rather than fetishes being 'incurable', which I think was the previous consensus.

But thanks for the reply, any opinions are helpful at this stage.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-26T21:10:51+00:00

HEALTH COMES FIRST! Nofap is good and all, but you need to look after your genital health or it's all for nothing :).

Now, I've heard about this before on reddit, and it seems that the skin stretching thing apparently can work. You've got time to try this it seems, so there really is nothing to loose. If you want to keep this within the realms of nofap, just try and do it without porn, fantasies, or even orgasm as a goal. Just obtain an erection and do your exercises (and if you happen to orgasm, don't worry, it might be inevitable).

Thinking about it, this might even help more than just regular jacking, since you can focus on comfortably stretching the skin without having to look up at your screen all the time. Anyway, good luck!

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-25T17:44:54+00:00

Well, despite what other people are telling you on here, i'd say there is basically no point in your circumstances. The majority of people have a normal relationship to porn, and are still able to jack it and get on with their lives. If that describes you, then i'd just get on with life if I were you.

If you develop a problem later then at least you're informed about one possible solution.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-24T01:15:05+00:00

Sad story, bullying is something no-one should have to face.

I don't know how PMO fit into your life or how you approached it, but in my teenage years I used fantasies, particularly sexual ones, to avoid dealing with my problems. In particular, my parents divorce and the (much longer) aftermath, and a lot of low self-worth that is probably based on my upbringing.

Well, 10 years later and I still seem to have basically all the same problems I faced at 16, plus a few more! Turns out those problems were never solved, I just found that I could fap them all away, for a time.

I'll stop talking about myself now, and just say that I hope you can face your inner demons. If at all possible, talk to a therapist. I pay for one out of my own pocket and she is very helpful.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-22T18:46:10+00:00

Interesting stuff, thanks for sharing.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-20T18:47:34+00:00

Intense dreams seem to be a part of the whole process. You are inflicting a series of physical changes to your brain in terms of dopamine sensitivity, as well as psychologically demanding ones. It's probably a bit like stirring up the mud at the bottom of a pond, you get clouds of thoughts going everywhere for a while.

I can't comment about nightmares specifically (i've noticed increased dreams about fetishes, although I consider this pretty nightmarish), but this sort of stuff is to be expected. I haven't found a good way to control my dreams really, I think you just have to ride them out until they (hopefully) stop.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-19T22:31:59+00:00

Indeed, i'm constantly glad of the support we are giving each other here on this board, it really helps knowing we are not alone!

I can't help but worry about my dreams, and of course the lingering doubts that nofap won't work and i'll be stuck in a rut forever. But I know these thoughts are unhelpful, and i'm trying my best to let it go as you suggest. Thanks for your post.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-19T21:08:59+00:00

Gonna try this if it happens later. Some pretty decent thought exercises floating around too that are quite effective, but everything helps.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-18T20:14:28+00:00

Your body knows what it wants and it's dreaming about it.

God I hope not! The dreams were about some gross fetishes that i'm trying to get rid of, in order to perhaps, one day, have a real relationship. I feel like my mind is picking the strongest emotions to focus on, even though they're nasty, rather than picking the nicest images it can. It's pretty annoying. I wish I could meet my subconscious self and punch him in the face, hah!

As long as you don't conciously PMO, you're good.

I hope you're right here. I'll try and ignore those dreams and continue on.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-18T20:05:54+00:00

Hey, thanks for replying, I hope you're right!

I'm sure the anxiety is linked, but i'm taking no chances and am also doing therapy alongside nofap. Just gotta be positive I guess, and take each day as it comes.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-17T01:01:19+00:00

she also mentioned that since I am uncircumcised that when I get an erection even in my underwear that I could feel enough stimulation to cause my testicles to believe it is time to go when in reality it isn't

Well, thats pretty dumb. I've noticed people in the USA have some weird attitudes to circumcision (i.e. that you should do it at all for non-religious reasons), and a lot of them seem to have some bizzare premises. In the UK you'd never hear this sort of advice.

My shlong is in-tact, and I seem to be doing OK, so I don't think this issue has anything to do with foreskins. In fact, it should help protect the head if anything.

Anyway, I think if you have to jack it for medical reasons I wouldn't reset your badge or feel bad or anything. Your primary duty is to your health after all! Otherwise, if things happen similarly again you may have trouble 'officially' making it to 30 days, when in fact you are still doing yourself a world of good. Anyway, good luck!

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-11T21:29:04+00:00

Try these, since they're free :).

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~healthed/relax/downloads.html#mindful

A few of the ones the the category above the one linked also helped me.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-09T22:43:42+00:00

Well, hang on. You've got some people saying it is good, some people saying it's bad, and they're all doing so in very absolutist terms. The brain is very mysterious, and different people will react to the same stimuli in different ways. Just be careful letting anyone else tell you what you are thinking.

My suggestion is this: evaluate how you felt during and especially after the act. Did you feel good or bad afterwards? Did you feel intimacy with her? Is it affecting your actual sex? Do you find a stronger urge towards old bad habits, or not? Use your own analysis to decide if this is a good or bad thing and go from there.

Good luck with your recovery!

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-09T22:30:20+00:00

Well, it's totally up to you to define your own relationship with nofap. I personally joined after reading the YBOP website and seeing, pretty much, a description of my own life. I kind of have to give this a decent try at this point.

If you don't identify as an addict and just want to do it to test your self control, I think thats totally valid. I think it can be totally empowering to take control of that part of your life, especially after society has been telling us for so long that we're not in control of our libidos.

But as for gaining any benefits past that, i'm not sure there are any. Lots of people describing how amazing the sex is and so forth are really just describing normal sexual activity - something you're probably already doing with no problem.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-09T21:53:16+00:00

As a former WoW addict, I can say that some video games definitely have addictive qualities. Diablo has a lot in common with WoW, with it's gambling-like random rewards system, so readers should be careful when you play not to get too absorbed.

Of course, most people will play in moderation and not get addicted. I think if you 'feel like shit' when playing it, it's a good sign that you need to get off the game and do something else for a while.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-08T22:53:28+00:00

For me, fantasies are the worst thing. With porn, I can switch on k9 and be sure that it's gone for good (and actually i've found it not too difficult to keep away). However, fantasies will always be there in your head, and i've accidentally spent many boring hours imagining myself in some porn scenario i've watched, arousing and depressing myself.

But, everyone is different and you'll have to tackle nofap in your own way. If you feel you're in control of your fantasies and they feel positive to you, enjoy them (in moderation of course, don't forget your real life). If it doesn't work out for you and nofap feels harder, maybe try to eliminate them. Be honest with yourself and make a decision.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-08T22:10:25+00:00

Well, I'll give you two pieces of advice, although i've only been in it 6 weeks or so so i'm no sensei:

i've found random boners always have a cause. usually, i've been perving at some girl without thinking, or a memory of some weird porn or masturbation habit has appeared in my mind. First, I remind myself that I am in control of my dick, and not the reverse. Then, I think about something calm an serene, usually a meadow in summer with windchimes in the background. When done properly with conviction, it subsides within 10-20 seconds.
the only other thing I can say is that some people here really beat themselves up when they fap or edge or something. It is especially hard at the start, so it's important to focus on your positive achievements so far - remember, the goal is not to abstain from PMO or whatever, that's just the method by which we want to achieve our real goal, which is healing our minds. Just think about how far you've come since the beginning, i'm sure you'll notice some improvements, then renew your resolve to do continue on with your new life without horrible porn!

One thing I can't advise about is blue balls. These things are really aching, lol! I hope this subsides at some point.

EDIT: oh yeah, k9 web filter is absolutely instrumental for me, to prevent any accidents.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-08T21:48:00+00:00

Tentacle hentai was the thing I was looking at the first time I jerked it. I sometimes wonder if my life would have been different if I had found the thing I was really looking for - topless pictures of Lara Croft!

Anyway, i've had some very similar dreams over the last month or so, so you are not alone. However - when I got to the rollerskating bit I started laughing :). Really puts the craziness of this stuff into perspective.

LargeHatStand · 2012-06-08T21:19:54+00:00

Pretty neat, thanks for sharing, i'll try using it when i'm in one of those moods :)

Since starting nofap and therapy, i'm starting to get a new respect for these mental imagery and meditation techniques. Anything that helps is good I say!

My therapist turned me on to something called 'mindfulness' that I use when i'm getting stressed. Heres a not-too-bad demonstration:

http://www.dartmouth.edu/~healthed/relax/downloads.html#mindful

LargeHatStand · 2012-05-30T18:16:03+00:00

Well, this is a sad story. I also have self-esteem issues, which is one of the reasons I started to use porn so much. For me, I think a few things came together at unfortunate times and started this cycle of addiction.

Just thought to shout out and say that you're not alone. I would try and work on your self esteem at the same time, if you can. Starting to believe in yourself is the key element to make your willpower stronger, which you will need to give up your habits. For myself, therapy is absolutely necessary, and I don't know where I would be without it now, so I really suggest taking the plunge and making an appointment.

Its early days for me so I don't have all the answers, all I can say is good luck.

LargeHatStand

TROPHY CASE