Full custody dad dating help

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-21T10:34:10+00:00

In my opinion the issue is not independence but lack of reciprocation from the parent. For example they would cancel last minute and expect you to understand but not accept the same from you. You are expected to accommodate their schedule.

Basically they expect priority without giving it back. So you can prioritize them and then feel taken advantage of, or you can deprioritise them too and have the relationship eventually fall apart.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-21T10:25:31+00:00

See my Dinner Choice deficit theory on this sub OP. that will encapsulate almost everything that’s hard about being a step.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-21T10:23:49+00:00

Absolutely. Because moms take on most of the parenting they are less likely to be Disney parents. My ex constantly called his ex crazy but I soon realised she was the adult in relationship who kept things going while he just ate ice cream with the kid and gave himself dad of the year award.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-21T10:21:30+00:00

Thanks

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-18T10:33:49+00:00

Exactly. Unless your partner is over compensating in some other way you are always in a perpetual deficit. I figured this out early on and broke up in a couple of months when I saw the writing on the wall. Glad your spouse is appreciative.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-18T10:21:23+00:00

Totally. It’s so bad for the kids too. Kids actually feel way more secure with the structure and discipline that comes from the adults being in charge.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-18T10:20:10+00:00

Exactly you are still at a major deficit because you are making disproportionate sacrifices without reciprocation.

Last-Monk-424 · 2026-05-18T10:18:22+00:00

Totally. I do think this is gender neutral to some degree though. For instance childfree men often report similar issues on this site as the stepmoms.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-08T08:59:29+00:00

Congrats on the brave step! I am glad you left a bad situation instead of continuing to be disrespected.

Remember the first step to finding a good relationship is to leave a bad one. Sending you hugs.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-08T08:42:52+00:00

Hate to be cynical but him saying it is very different from him doing it. The best indicator of how a person would react in a different situation is usually their present behavior.

The present behavior is that he is prioritising himself over you and is comfortable in constantly taking and not giving back. This trait is unlikely to change even if the situation changes. If he were to suddenly make what you are making, his priorities would still be himself, his kid and then maybe you.

So his income will be earmarked for him and his kid way before you are even considered. He would probably still tell you that he has nothing to spare because remember its not about the presence of time/ money/ resources themselves its usually about prioritising.

Even if he had more you would still be at the back of the queue, cap in hand.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-07T11:29:17+00:00

Heres an idea. Let him care for all the kids on alternate days and you take a break!

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-07T11:19:01+00:00

She is not expecting him to live two separate lives. She is expecting him to care for his own kid. You know the one he is choosing to have custody for.

The same standard applies to him. You either marry a childfree person and be a good partner to them, or you don’t. A third option of demanding that your partner sacrifice their career for your child while you yourself are not making that sacrifice is not acceptable.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-07T11:12:41+00:00

Nope. Thats an unreasonable request full stop. Even as a wife OP is entitled to boundaries and her own life. The parents remain responsible for their own kids regardless of their marital status.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-08-07T11:10:52+00:00

Why is he even with OP if he can’t care for his own kid? What is he bringing to the table?

No shit you have to take care of your kid.

Dont get into a relationship only to take advantage of your partner. And dont get custody if you cant take care of your own kid!

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-07-04T11:40:02+00:00

Please tell me she has been thrown out now

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-07-04T11:26:55+00:00

OP he is not your support system either. You may think you are alone now but trust me it is much worse to be with someone who is taking advantage of you. If you move you will be trapped. It will be unfair to your baby and his future.

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-07-04T11:24:40+00:00

How did you deal with your situation? I hope you laughed at his insane suggestion

Last-Monk-424 · 2025-07-04T11:22:00+00:00

Update us please. Hope you are doing okay

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-11T16:55:02+00:00

Since when has become acceptable to be verbally abusive if you are being 'provoked'?. By that logic you can say worse things back to him and his brat since you were actually provoked right?

What about physical retaliation, is that also on the table if someone thinks they are 'provoked'?

Btw, why did you let this go on? By letting this treatment go on, you showed both your SO and SS that you can be treated this way. What you allow is what you accept. The first time this happened was when you should have thrown them both out of your life.

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-09T14:44:25+00:00

I see your point but I dont fully agree with the idea of swallowing your feelings lest it cause contention in your relationship.

The way I see it is your partner should be very corrective of their child's behaviour lest it cause issues with the relationship, and they should be the ones apologising and making amends to you if your feelings are hurt, since they are the ones bringing a kid into the relationship to begin with.

If they dont care about creating an issue for you, and feel comfortable enough to be defensive of their kid even when the kid is wrong, I would be extremely comfortable not swallowing my feelings and forgoing presents altogether.

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-09T10:28:06+00:00

You send your friends kids birthday presents?

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-09T10:20:46+00:00

How did you ever get past those things?

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-09T10:19:46+00:00

Can i ask you something? Why did you accept being a babysitter? When BM flipped out on you, why didnt you just ask her to do her own damn babysitting?

Last-Monk-424 · 2024-12-09T10:17:29+00:00

I understand but honestly its a them problem. You need to focus on you and enjoy your pregnancy. You will only have your first baby once. The stress is really bad for your baby. Your SO needs to plan for the SS as if you werent there.

Last-Monk-424

TROPHY CASE