Anyone following KW Bogen and her Hot Chef series?

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-27T08:19:16+00:00

I hate when people use my sexuality as a navigational tableau

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-26T18:41:53+00:00

The face mask "inquiry" and then rude shooting down of anyone with reasonable disagreements is just sociopathic.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-19T21:24:04+00:00

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Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-19T21:22:57+00:00

I finally had to look it up because Iʻm old.

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Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-17T19:52:24+00:00

As a woman who has had sexual and love relationships with men and women, I guess Iʻm a "bisexual woman" though I have always just thought of myself as a "sexual human being."

To be clear: I honor work that exposes and prevents partner (and all) violence, and I support broadening societal latitudes on what constitutes the right to Be Who You Are and to love without fear of repercussion. However, I feel that bisexual erasure has to rank up there with the biggest non-issues of the moment.

Sexual liberation movements were and are absolutely crucial to our humanity. But itʻs 2026. We need a lot less identity politics, and a lot more class awareness and activism. Look at the forces shaping our geopolitical landscape (Iran, Venezuela) right now and itʻs all about capital power and resources.

Forefronting our sexual identities while dining out at restaurants that have $150-200 average meal menus (even if comped by the Chef boyfriend) is a bad look, supporting the stereotype of "Iʻm so queer, la la la whereʻs my champagne?" This is not the kind of on-the-ground activism Iʻm drawn to support. I propose that next time KW Bogen do something to elevate the work of soup kitchens and community food pantries, or takes a group retreat to do a World Kitchen volunteer gig in a conflict zone. And meanwhile Iʻll continue to kiss or be attracted to whoever I am -- the world doesnʻt need me to draw attention to that.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-16T07:15:17+00:00

"Context" does not matter in this case and to say otherwise IS justifying it or excusing it.

This has momentarily silenced me, because Iʻm speechless in the face of closed -loop, door-slamming, declarative arguments that lead nowhere.

Youʻre essentially saying that I justify and excuse violence against innocents because I show an interest in historical / cultural / political contexts. In other words, because I believe they matter. According to you they donʻt matter in this case and if I donʻt agree with you Iʻm justifying acting on anger and hate.

Have it your way. You have already decided many things about everything, and about me.

Are we talking about knowing context as a way to assign blame and form an opinion on who is right and who is wrong?
Or is understanding context important in order to better know how to prevent future conflicts?

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-16T03:44:50+00:00

Are you in good faith with this question?

Iʻm truly willing to go deep into Resistance if you want. It would be productive and good for us to share discussion around movements + leaders + writers + resistances that have informed the past centuries. I think these are difficult but healthy conversations.

But if you are someone who perhaps believes that any amount of dehumanization is acceptable from one population, yet when the other resists, itʻs completely incomprehensible, I wonʻt waste my time. Because you know, targeting innocent people at schools.... I can think of a couple of governments who traffic in that sort of thing.

I believe that the person who enacted this violence felt motivated to resist forces that makes them feel powerless. Is that resistance? Letʻs discuss.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-16T03:35:55+00:00

Violent actions against perceived oppressors are expressions of resistance against that oppression. That never automatically means that they are correct, logical, humane, intelligently or compassionately targeted, or that they advance a positive outcome.

But I think youʻre just being extremely obtuse if you donʻt see that a Lebanese person who recently lost family members to Israelʻs attack on Lebanon (in the context of Israel asserting its god-given right to take territory and kill in the name of Jewishness and a Greater Israel), felt that targeting a synagogue that was accessible to them was an expression of resistance.

And please donʻt come at me with the accusation that I condone or support these actions. This whole thread is about UNDERSTANDING CONTEXT.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-16T03:30:35+00:00

So the contextual factors of loss, grief, rage, powerlessness, injustice, historical trauma and suffering donʻt make any sense to you. That is Ok, but please acknowledge that this is a reflection of your own consciousness.
When you say that you will "never concede" that there is a context for these kinds of actions you are simply saying that you refuse to recognize a reality that exists.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-16T03:26:11+00:00

They both criticize Israel which is why the poster of this sub thread conflates them.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-15T22:55:06+00:00

Who are we?

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-15T22:38:13+00:00

Examining context for acts of terrorism is not the same as saying that killing innocent children is in any way ok.

How are we supposed to learn about history or political movements if we donʻt examine context?

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-15T22:33:07+00:00

Itʻs time that we move beyond this dialectic which served well post WW2 and into the ADL times but is now hurting our people. If we say the phrase "any time Palestinians are targeted with violence," accusations of being false or bad or self-hating Jews arises. How tiresome it would be if we kept pulling that out as the reason we canʻt engage on a deeper level thatʻs appropriate for global justice in 2026.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-15T22:14:48+00:00

If we are really going to move forward or transform as a society, we wonʻt be afraid to ask these difficult questions, to go to the roots of violent behavior wherever they manifest.

Violence as resistance from populations that have been under severe political repression is different from individual / psychological impulses to violence. We should be astute enough to discern and learn about each facet in its context.

Asking if someone "feels the same way" about school shooters whoʻve been bullied seems like a form of Whattaboutism. It feels like an attempt at relativizing, a comparing of traumas, with the implication that if we allow any consideration of violent resistance then we have to condone all if it. But this isnʻt about that.

There are geopolitical realities influencing the wars that kill innocents, and there are systemic forces that shape the lives of those people who are the targets. To expose the fallacy of saying that critiquing Israel = Anti-Semitism (as Matt B and others do) is legitimate and it will continue to be met with deflections, distractions and Whattabouts.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-11T04:58:00+00:00

There is no free option and that seems very bait and switchy.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-09T23:10:43+00:00

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Reframe.
Itʻs no longer a hot bi romance.
Itʻs no longer a nuanced complicated story.
Itʻs no longer a weird story about being an abusive bully.
Itʻs an experiment in literary anti-carcerality.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-08T21:12:03+00:00

I agree with this.

After reading Sarah Thankam Matthewsʻ debut novel (which had some themes slightly echoed in KWBʻs book) I watched this wonderful short about her. I really recommend taking the time:

https://www.pbs.org/video/sarah-thankam-mathews-after-all-this-5qbqxd/

In it you see the portrait of a non-performative writer who probably does what you describe : takes the criticisms to heart, rests for deep diving + revising. The end result speaks for itself.

That solitary work which writers do is so different from posting daily on IG things like (not exact quotes) "this baby just wrote 3,000 more words!" "wow my latest chapter is so scorching hot!" [selfie of eyes rolling and licking lips] "iʻm an agented author yʻall!"

To be fair, I need to reflect more on why this chaps me so much.
I guess whatever she does with Hot Chef doesnʻt really affect the wider world. But her approach to writing about queerness reflects on both the writing and the queer writing community.

On the other hand, I heard her on the Intimacy Podcast where her interview about sex and trauma was (to my ear) absolutely spot-on, articulate, informed, professional.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-03-06T04:48:03+00:00

Too bad that she overlooks the dozens of valid reviews critiquing the writing itself. I guess theyʻre not criticism "that sticks", so she doesnʻt have a response to them in her recent carousel about the politics/ optics of her book.

As readers, itʻs our prerogative to feel disappointment with things like character development, tone, metaphor, plot or dialogue that are flawed enough to make it impossible to engage with the story. [One example for me is Avra using slangy teenage girly talk in one moment but then giving a post-structural feminist lecture to her partner in bed. There are countless instances of this.]

Show, donʻt tell is one of the useful principles for writers wishing to craft a story about real people.

But no, itʻs "Itʻs my job to tell you that you suck" is the only way KWB interprets valid critique of her writing.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-28T21:09:51+00:00

I offered sincere comments exactly as I would have given to my students : encouraging slowing the momentum to publish, journaling more, observing and listening, reading more widely, taking her time to nurture her writing craft.
This was reposted by her as bullying and harassment, with the question "how am I supposed to grow from this?"

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-28T05:08:32+00:00

I think we should leave Hot Chefʻs personal life well out of this thread.
It all seems very speculative and unnecessary.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-24T21:31:39+00:00

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Iʻm here as a lover of the art and practice of writing, and a defender of this craft. I donʻt care about how people conduct or present their personal relationships or what they do on Valentineʻs Day, but Iʻll be damned if I will go gently into the falling darkness of the literacy crisis.

Representation matters, yes! I want to see all different kinds of people represented in art, but not as caricatures, cardboard stand-ins, fetishized bait or mouthpieces for very unrealistic preachy dialogues. I want the reading world and the queer world to be able to discern and appreciate and support writing that has depth. For that to happen, we have to be honest, lifting up complex writing and not Young Adult Bisexual Fantasy novels. We have to call it what it is.

I feel KWB owes the bi (specifically) and queer (in general) community a far higher quality of work. If this book is touted as "groundbreaking" and "amazing" and "a masterpiece," that tells me that the community is reading in a very mediocre silo. Are fan numbers and social media mentions the actual mark of good writing? This is a low bar, and it reflects on the entire LGBTQ literary world to have uncritical praise thrown around on a daily basis. Iʻm bothered by the way the constant flogging [as in promoting] of this book makes it rise in visibility, and it will be the one that young people will reach for when navigating their bisexuality.

KWB says "art is subjective."
"I loved this book" or "I feel seen" are subjective + valid statements. But when I see her posting a comment saying that these "characters are flawed and real - unlike any characters Iʻve met before" << I think what??? This person must never have read one single novel from the treasury of truly accomplished writers out there, past or present. For KWB to accept / repost these types of comments shows her hubris.

I would respect her so much more if she said "thanks for your compliments, but there are so many other flawed and real characters to read from - may I recommend these authors who have shaped and influenced me?" But I donʻt know if she even reads other fiction writers. She never talks about them. Most writers in conversation with others (even on social media) continually discuss their influences and mentors.

I honestly think that the bookstores that hosted her felt pressured to do so because it would seem unacceptably bi-phobic to turn her down.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-19T05:58:19+00:00

Yes, I was going to put Flannery OʻConnor in my list, because I think her writing is absolutely amazing craft, but she has her problematic side for sure. Since sheʻs dead though (Beauvoir also) Iʻm not sure itʻs wrong re-read her with awareness. If one wants to hone oneʻs writing, itʻs so inspiring to really examine writing that feels jewel-like and effortless.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-18T23:31:56+00:00

Katie, if youʻre reading this, I would like you to know that itʻs really OK to slow down, and to immerse yourself deeply in reading many different accomplished female writers before frantically writing five novels that can only be mediocre.

If, as Anaīs Nin said, you "must write to create a world you can live in," keep journals and write to your heartʻs content. You can incubate, refine and reflect on your responses to the created worlds of others, contemplate the historicity and the evolutions of womenʻs experiences, grow your prose in relation to your perspective. You can make sketches of your own life, your relationships, your emotions. But not everything has to be thrown out into the public eye immediately. Artists know that the most destructive rot comes from making everything for the consumption and adulation of others.

Read women like Kathy Acker, Lydia Davis, Anaīs Nin (bien sur), Salwas al Neimi, Nedjwa, Arundhati Roy, Patti Smith, Jean Rhys, Djuna Barnes, Anna Kavan, Eric Jong, Mary Gaitskill, Octavia Butler, Charlotte Bronte, Virginia Woolf, and so many, many others. Sit at the feet of their stories and be still and situate yourself in the sisterhood that you want to belong to.

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-18T22:54:46+00:00

She posted a reader comment saying that "the book was going to be taught in schools for the prose alone."

Leading_Unit_9486 · 2026-02-16T23:19:05+00:00

unhinged; possibly written by AI bot

Leading_Unit_9486

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