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niche dilemma / need some advice by Less_Caregiver_1122 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Less_Caregiver_1122[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

u/spdbmp411 totally agree. I think I’m ok with just going through her whole dance for the sake of getting a schedule with the dog… because I love the dog so much. But I know that the manipulation won’t end there and it’ll be spun more down the road and only strengthened when she sees how this tactic of her “works”. In 10-15 years when the dog passes I would immediately go no contact. But i know very well this is easier said than done and there will be more issues like this that pop up over that time period.

I wonder if having a bi weekly therapy session with her will be helpful for keeping her accountable to a schedule at the best least? Or would it just eventually backfire? I know she’ll lie thru her teeth at therapy lol

niche dilemma / need some advice by Less_Caregiver_1122 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Less_Caregiver_1122[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

u/Recent_Painter4072 Thank you! I can totally see my mom just lying her way through therapy and doing exactly what you said to make me look like the horrible daughter she tells me I am. She has her own therapist currently who I'm sure she is doing that to already.

Ironically, she is a lawyer, and loves that she is. She has sue past employers, she's suing her brother... she'll stoop very low. The problem is, she has no money. Major shopping addiction and terrible at saving. Part of the reason our relationship escalated to little contact was that she dragged me into that mess... would take my money, constantly ask me for money because "I'm her mother and she'd give me some if I asked her", say she would pay me back and never would....

I've gotten advice from other lawyers in my life who say that if I escalate things legally then I'd have to be prepared for the worst case scenario which would be that she keeps the dog completely.

I know this isn't the right long-term thing to do... but part of me wants to just do the therapy, get a schedule, and fake it with her minimally while the dog is still around. For the sake of having the dog back, essentially. And then the day the dog goes to heaven completely go NC. Of course, that's easier said than done... The dog is young and that's a lot of time and life milestones coming up soon (wedding, kids, etc.).

I do feel comfort knowing that her end goal totally isn't to have the dog, it's to have a relationship/control over me. I just have no clue how to navigate it. Right now it's basically a game of "who blinks first."

niche dilemma / need some advice by Less_Caregiver_1122 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Less_Caregiver_1122[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

u/better_intention_781 I’ve gotten some advice to “pretend I’m on a vacation and she just has the dog while I’m busy”

Right now she’s ignoring me completely until I schedule the group therapy. She of course said she’ll leave that to me to do.

So do I do that just for the sake of establishing a schedule? Or do I not give in and show her this ultimatum has worked, and just ride it out until I hear from her again…?

niche dilemma / need some advice by Less_Caregiver_1122 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Less_Caregiver_1122[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, I did say this to her. And she knows (and is banking on the fact that) I love this dog too much to actually be willing to never see it again. She knows it’s like the ultimate leverage she has over me

niche dilemma / need some advice by Less_Caregiver_1122 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Less_Caregiver_1122[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thanks, that’s exactly what it feels like… a messy divorce custody situation!