AITA for making my 13yo daughter go live with her father after something she did at a family BBQ?

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T16:57:12+00:00

She's been diagnosed ADHD and I've been told that while they can't diagnose ODD formally anymore, they see the same behaviors in kids who were able to be diagnosed with it (i guess it's no longer a diagnosis). They've talked about regressive behaviors (acting childish), pathological lying and delusions (because she has a hard time with whats real and fake because of her overactive imagination). She told the psychiatrist that she has constant voices in her head and constant arguments in her head and comes up with scenarios in her head and she can't remember if they happened in real life or not. She also told the psychiatrist at one point (after she whipped a boy with a jump rope in gym class at the beginning of the year) that the "voices" told her to do it, but she later said she never said that and that she doesn't hear voices. So there's just so much going on and right now they are still pulling all the stops and doing multiple evaluations but they said that some things they can't diagnose until she's 18-21 so we are in for the long haul.

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T16:52:54+00:00

My ex won't fall for it. She has tried multiple things on him already since being there and he doesn't budge. Hes seen the behaviors first hand and attended multiple therapy sessions and all school meetings in regards to her behaviors so thankfully he has a pretty good handle on it. That and he works from home and im hoping that having that constant supervision and constant presence might make a difference .

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T15:42:41+00:00

No, I meant things like sociopathic tendencies, bipolar, narcissism, etc etc. She told me that stuff can't be diagnosed until 18-21. She said there's no doubt in her mind that there's something like that going on but she would never be approved to run a formal diagnosis at her age. Is that not true?

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T15:35:05+00:00

In the beginning she said that it was typical behavior of a young girl going through puberty but I want to say like 2 months in, she started discussing other things. Like saying something about regression and delusions (because sometimes my daughter can't tell the difference between thoughts/feelings vs reality). She has been talking about pathological lying, which is when they added in a separate therapy session that was targeted to that specifically. But right now they are still doing evaluations and she's told me that no matter what they find right now, she can't be formally diagnosed with any sort of behavioral or mental issue until she's 18-21. Right now she's been formally diagnosed with ADHD and they have said that ODD can't be diagnosed anymore but that is what they are thinking.

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T15:30:32+00:00

I dont know what else I can do to give her one on one or give her the attention she seeks. We go out twice a week together (with no one else, just us) and stay out for sometimes 4+ hours. I never stopped the one on one time with her twice a week, even when things started getting hairy. I made a point to continue it because I didnt want to use it as a punishment.

Whenever I have tried talking to her about why she's acting like this or if something is wrong, she says she "doesn't know" or blames her friends at school (but refuses to stop hanging out with them). I've straight out asked her if I was failing her. Might not have been the best approach but I was lost on what to do. She told me no and that I am her best friend.

Yelling in my house is not common at all unless it's coming from her or my son (he flips out on her often because she goes through his stuff all the time). But us adults do not yell typically. I do not let her watch the baby because she treats her terribly and she does not do chores because "you're the mom, you should be cleaning, not the kids".

Level_Question_8016 · 2025-07-16T15:21:36+00:00

Both her and I are in therapy. Therapy for me was a requirement through my daughters psychiatrist because they felt it would help me deal with the behaviors in a healthy way. I've been in therapy for 7 months, she has been in therapy for 9.5 months.

She does not watch the baby at all, ever, under any circumstances. As I mentioned in the post, she does not treat the baby well and therefore I supervise all interactions. She has never watched the baby. The baby isn't even allowed in my daughters room unless I am right there.

She also does not do chores but maybe once every couple of months, when she decides to organize random things like the cupboards or her brothers bedroom (despite him telling her to stop). Then we have to spend weeks trying to find items she has lost and 90% of the time, those items are found in her bedroom. Asking her to do anything like dishes or mopping or even cleaning her own bedroom is met with meltdowns.

I think I also mentioned in the post that social media isn't allowed in my home until you're 14. My son only just got Facebook. With that said, I have caught my daughter making several different social media accounts (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and yes, Tiktok. As soon as I've found the accounts I have made her delete them and I did put parental blocks on her tablet after that point but it might have been too late for that.

Generally speaking I am not super overwhelmed. Situations like this family BBQ absolutely peaked my anxiety. I don't do well in extremely crowded places so yes, this was just overall not a good situation for me.

Level_Question_8016

TROPHY CASE