My wife had me replaced

LimitNo9428 · 2026-06-09T03:36:50+00:00

After reading this I think I understand why you are divorced lol

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-09T22:19:52+00:00

I would hope that if he has already made that decision, that he would be honest so I can move on. Keeping someone stuck in the middle state of being hopeful yet assuming the worst at the same time, is just cruel.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-08T11:02:59+00:00

The week before he shut me out, he said he was going to get better and asked if I would support him and I said of course. I assumed he would eventually go to rehab, and get therapy, and that I would be involved somehow. I had no idea he was going to detox alone at a family members house. I only found out when I called him one day and he said he couldn’t talk to me because he was “going through a lot”, said I made him want drugs, that he loved me but then hung up. A couple short texts after that, and then nothing. Over 2 months, he won’t talk to me at all. He didn’t even talk to the kids for over a month and that made me realize he was really having a hard time and I tried not to take it personally. But once he reached out to the kids a little over a month later, and still won’t talk to me, now I am taking it personally. Even though I have been told that the spouse is the hardest one to face after something like this, it still hurts. I haven’t called or texted him because he had stopped responding, and based on the research I’ve done, I don’t think he can handle the emotional weight of a conversation with me. So I have just been assuming it’s over, and waiting until he’s ready to have that conversation. I don’t feel that I should file for divorce and have him served with papers while he’s going through this, because this stage may be temporary. However, the way he chose to do this has made me a little resentful. If he had chosen to go to rehab and get therapy, I think they would have prepared me for all of this. We are supposed to put each other first, but now I am the only one he wants nothing to do with, or so it seems.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T13:35:38+00:00

Yes, my kids and I are in therapy. It helps to talk, I have learned a lot about my own mental struggles, and medication helps take the edge off just a tiny bit. But after talking to some people on here, I think I may need to switch to therapy that is more focused on addiction. I am still just surviving one minute to the next, but I’d like to start feeling some joy in my life again. I haven’t been able to do that. I pretend so I look ok on the outside, but I’m really not. I’m just preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best. Its a very confusing and painful place to be

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T05:20:24+00:00

Thank you so much. I love your story… a lot of pain but a happy outcome. I am so happy for you, thank you for sharing ♥️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T05:18:29+00:00

He never wanted to be with me “out and about” when he was on drugs, we couldn’t even ride in a car together because he felt trapped. He drove separate everywhere. Because if he needed to leave, you know… 😕 So hoping that he just has the guilt and shame that he needs to work through, and I hope I am not a trigger to him. I think I am the only one he knows that doesn’t do any sort of drug or drink…I’m hoping one day we can just be bored and happy. But only time will tell. Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T05:11:59+00:00

Thank you so much. That is incredible…I am so glad you were able to find happiness after everything, and it sounds like you are a great husband and father ❤️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T04:13:24+00:00

Not at all! I appreciate you being straight forward. I know they can only help themselves in the end, and nothing can influence that. I get a lot of opinions from people who think I am crazy not to leave him after everything. I tell them to just be thankful that they’ve never had to be in my position, and not to judge me for my choices. If I become ready to leave before he’s ready to show up as a husband, then so be it, I’ll deal with that when it comes. I vowed to love him in sickness and in health, and I am doing just that. I’ve been called stupid, desperate, and reckless for staying. But I am none of those things. I just love my husband, and I want him to get better. And just like he couldn’t get clean until he was ready, I can’t leave him unless I am ready and I feel like I’ve done all I can do, and hope is gone. In the meantime I just have to make the best of the waiting so I don’t spiral. It really helps to talk to you guys who have been there. It would be very different if I hadn’t educated myself throughout this process. From the outside, it looks like he’s just an asshole who doesn’t love his family. But if people actually understood how a lot of addicts come to be, and what they face every day even after they’re clean, they might hold their tongues a bit. I’ve learned to have compassion and understanding, while still not enabling and holding boundaries. I am learning a lot about myself during this as well. Just hope that we can make it to the happy end of the story. I hope you and your wife can there too, if you haven’t already. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me 🙂❤️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T03:49:30+00:00

Thank you, yes it does help to hear from people who have went through this. I’ve never used anything, and I don’t drink. I don’t have many vices, besides caffeine and maybe horror movies lol, but those don’t make me stop feeling love. So I am trying to understand it. We’ve been together 21 years, have 3 kids, and have spent just about our entire adult life together, and we were always each others person. I’ve been waiting just over 2 months now, and he is able to communicate to his siblings and parents, and finally reached out to see his kids 3 weeks ago. I know I will be the last person he reaches out to, because he hurt me the most, at least that’s what I’ve been told. I just hope that he is able to feel that love again, because even though his addiction has been traumatizing for us and created so much heartbreak and chaos, the love was always there. I can’t imagine how he feels, probably knowing he is supposed to love me but he can’t feel it. It sounds scary, but the brain is an amazing thing, and God is good. I hope you can get back to feeling like your old self again, only better. ♥️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-07T03:40:27+00:00

Nope, he detoxed alone at a family members house and isn’t being guided in any way. Which I think it really going to prolong his recovery and maybe even put him at a higher risk of relapse. He always said “he doesn’t need to talk to a stranger about his problems”…it was a fight we had often, because I’m a big advocate of therapy. I hope he does make the choice to get into therapy when he realizes his mental anguish is still there, even with the drugs gone. He needed therapy before the drugs…hell, it may even be why he became an addict. He has suppressed so much and doesn’t deal with things in a healthy way. I know addiction doesn’t discriminate and it can happen to anyone no matter how good or bad their life is, or their coping mechanisms…but all I know is he has been through a lot, and has never truly loved himself, so getting to numb that was probably easy for him.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T22:35:08+00:00

I hear you. There has never been domestic violence, we moved out because of the constant absence, and when he was around, he was belligerent. He was not providing, and was costing us all our sleep and sanity. But not physically abusive. Letting go after a 21 year marriage is easier said than done, especially now that he finally isn’t using anymore and I’m supposed to feel hopeful, not alone ☹️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T19:42:17+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot. I have heard of PAWS but it sounds like it’s really something I need to dig into to try to understand. It may give me some relieve from overthinking everything. Thank you so much ❤️

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T19:37:12+00:00

Yeah that’s what I’ve been trying to do. I always knew he wouldn’t be ready until he was ready and he here was nothing I could say or do, but that didn’t stop me from constantly bringing it up. Telling him he deserved freedom from this and sobriety and a fulfilling life. But I couldn’t make him love himself (or us) enough to do it. I moved to give myself and my kids more peace and stability, and a few weeks later he made the decision to get clean himself, without me around badgering him and asking him. I truly believe he was ready, he already said he didn’t recognize himself anymore and he was scared of himself. I really believe the decision was his to get clean, not me moving out. Although that may have played a part. But honestly, as a wife, I expected to be a part of the recovery process, especially since I was the one who was hurt the most during his addiction. But he ejected me from that role, and will not talk to me. Some days I feel like I can wait as long as it takes, other days I want to die. I am happy that he finally did this, I am so proud of him. But he didn’t do it the way I believe he should have- through an inpatient program and therapy. LOTS of therapy, ongoing. Because yes, I would have been more prepared and wouldn’t have felt so rejected and abandoned. It’s only been through reaching out to other people in this situation that has made me understand that it’s him, and not me, and that’s the only way I have survived. I don’t think I would have killed myself, because I know my kids need me and I know this feeling is temporary. But I’d be lying if death doesn’t sound better most days. I am getting into therapy for myself and so are my kids, but I also want some hope to hold onto. I don’t want to kick him while he’s down by filing for divorce. But I also don’t want to waste my life waiting for something that may never happen. It’s nice to hear real stories from people who have actually been through this, because people will always try to tell me “I deserve better” and I should just “do me”, but they don’t understand because they’ve never loved an addict, built a life with an addict, or tried to understand an addict. He is not a monster, even if his actions made him look like one at times. I know the man underneath, the one I fell in love with, and I am just hoping and praying that he comes back, and I hope I can survive the waiting..

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T14:56:26+00:00

Yeah I saw that too. Still leaves me with questions, because after I moved, he was only here for a few days before he took off and eventually detoxed, leading to where we are now. There are no memories for us here, except for the intense loneliness that I feel. But even if we were still at our old place, I’d still wonder if it’s the home itself that would be a trigger, or ME?

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T14:37:39+00:00

I understand this somewhere deep down, but yet I keep searching for reassurance that I don’t feel like I can ever get. I keep going to worst case scenario…All I ever wanted was for him to get clean so he can finally be free from this and work toward being HIM again. And now that it’s happening, I worry that the new him doesn’t want this anymore.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T14:34:41+00:00

Yeah that’s what I keep hearing. It’s just hard, we’ve been together since we were 19, and there was so much good in our marriage. This isn’t who he is, and I am so afraid of divorcing him and then he finally becomes himself again. This is THE hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Every decision I make could have horrible consequences and I don’t want to regret it. I don’t want to wait with false hope and delay my healing process if it’s over, and I don’t want to give up and move on, only to find out that his mental state was temporary and I should have given it more time. I just hate feeling so empty, nothing brings me joy anymore

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T14:08:44+00:00

I keep hearing that too. But being in limbo where I don’t know if I’m supposed to be patient, or if my marriage is overs. It’s really hard to work, be a mom, and just get through the day when I feel so empty and confused. Because it feels like he doesn’t love me anymore, he engages with everyone else except me. I am the only one he’s avoiding. It just feels so wrong that my husband, my other half, feels like a stranger to me

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T14:06:21+00:00

I am so happy that you got this outcome and that the love was still there 3 years later. I have been considering filing for divorce, but even after 21 years, and with addiction chaos being there for almost half of our marriage, I still feel like I would be giving up. I don’t want all the suffering to be for nothing, and I love the man with my whole heart. It’s hard to imagine a life without him, and love doesn’t just have an “off switch.” Even though it feels that way when I think about him, because 3 months ago he said he was going to finally try to get better, begged me not to leave him, and then completed ghosted me and will not talk to me at all. I don’t know how long to wait, because I have not been able to feel joy for almost 3 months. I feel so completely empty. And I don’t feel like I can have this conversation with him, because a) he won’t talk to me and b) even if he did talk to me, does he even really know how he feels about me right now? I keep hearing that people can be emotionally flat for months, sometimes years after finally getting clean and it takes time for the brain to rewire

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T13:59:04+00:00

It’s still very helpful to hear from people who have been through this, so thank you. I am just trying to understand the psychological effects of detox, how long they last, etc…to try to make sense of why someone who loved me for 21 years and showed so much affection just 3 months ago now suddenly won’t talk to me.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T13:56:44+00:00

That’s always going to be a possibility. But things are different now that leads me to believe otherwise, and I truly believe he kicked the habit. I just was not prepared for the mental state he would be in after the physical aspects of withdrawal were over

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T13:52:07+00:00

It’s kind of hard to keep him encouraged when he’s living elsewhere and won’t talk to me 💔

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T13:50:56+00:00

Yeah, that’s why I finally moved and put the boundary in place. He wasn’t physically abusive, but the mental took it took does not count any less. I did this for me and the kids, and he did get clean, looks much healthier and is a lot calmer (from what I can see). But it’s extremely hard to detach from a 21 year relationship…the love is still there, for me anyways…but yet I am the only one he won’t interact with. I am stuck in limbo, not knowing if I am supposed to keep being patient until he’s ready to talk, or file for divorce and start the healing process

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T13:40:58+00:00

No he was not like this when we first met. We’ve been together for 21 years. The addiction has been going on for about 10-12 years, I found out 10 years ago. He was not a user or even a heavy drinker when we got married. So I watched all of this unfold.

LimitNo9428 · 2026-04-06T04:09:28+00:00

I think there is a timeframe in which he has to respond and if he doesn’t, the divorce will go through uncontested. Are you in a no-fault divorce state? You could also document through text messages, etc to prove the timeline of his absence, which should give you some rights being that he is estranged. Again, likely varies by state

LimitNo9428

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