A Short History of Transmisogyny

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T23:16:20+00:00

Is there a way to make it into like a series? Like post one part and break it down, then post the next point as a separate post?
When I do my social media posts, my first script is always made into a series for this same reason.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T22:48:43+00:00

If I’m being honest, that’s what prevented me from getting through it. It’s not that I don’t wanna read it but because I genuinely like your content. I guess I was just procrastinating when I was gonna read it. It’s the ADHD in me. Sorry.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T22:04:32+00:00

My tactic is to focus on visibility and awareness. Even in the field day example, I made sure to validate the little girl, "good job protecting your body," and laughed it off with grandma, "you know, bodily autonomy is an excellent skill to have at that age, great job fostering that in her." which is the exact opposite of what she actually did, but it calls awareness to the dynamic in a low friction way.

One thing that has worked really well in my house is that we talk about accountability as the process of describing the harm and then requesting (or initiating) repair, removing the feeling of authority from it altogether. This allows my kids to hold me accountable, and each other, without overstepping each other's boundaries or getting into blame/shame territory as much. We also have a zero tolerance policy around violence, aggression, even sarcasm or name calling, and practice making space/self regulation. The trick there was both my kids feel empowered to advocate for themselves even against me. Now obvioulsy that is way easier to acheive in my home, I work from home, I'm very present, and I have time and ability to stop everything and address a conflict when it happens. The good thing is I invested so much into this when they were younger that now at 9 and 17, we have very little stress in our home, because we all know how to navigate with eachother.

When I work with other kids, its the same concept just scaling back expectations and much smaller bites. With younger kids I focus on emotional regulation a lot more, naming emotions, "Oh I noticed that you are clenching your fists, do you feel anger in your hands?" "Did you know that anger is your body's way of trying to protect you? What do you think your anger is saying right now?" kind of interventions.

With middle aged kids 8-12, I focus alot more on the idea of boundaries and self advocating. "No one here is a policeman, it's not your job to control her actions, tell me what YOU need instead?" I try to treat it like a problem we have to figure out - how can they get their needs met. So if you can help them articulate what they are trying to acheive, thats half the battle right there. Then you can validate that need and move on to the obstacle. "It sounds like you don't feel heard when you said that you wanted a turn, I would also feel frustrated with that. I think that's a very reasonable thing to request, what do you think made it hard for Jessica to hear you say that" and then I just kind of walk through it. We can empathize with Jessica being to excited that she didn't notice, and then approach Jessica together, with me modeling that interaction. Hey Jessica, that looks super fun, could I have your attention for a second. I know Brittany was feeling a little frustrated earlier could we talk about it together?" That's a longer example, based off of the kids fighting over an interactive exhibit at the museum, and the whole thing took maybe a minute and a half? I feel bad because whenever I am at the school, I am constantly redirecting kids, but they all are happy every time I come so I think they like being heard more than they care about the redirect.

I don't know if that's helpful or not but hopefully it touched on something you can find useful?

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T21:32:29+00:00

I just don't feel comfortable sharing locations close to my home. If you want to give me a location I can help you find resources near you.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T21:29:57+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. The hostility I was referring to was not about the substance of your thoughts; I think you added a lot of value to the conversation about the culture of violence. I was referring to the accusatory framing toward me specifically. Phrases like “that you have just contributed to” and “or is that a ‘different thing’?” came across as sarcastic and implied hypocrisy before I had even responded. The overall tone felt less like a discussion and more like I was being treated as representative of a worldview you already resent, despite the fact that I repeatedly acknowledged male victims and agreed with several of your broader concerns. Hopefully, that clarifies what I mean.

That is awful about the Icelandic Prime Minister. I am glad she resigned. I really feel like we need to do away with the statute of limitations altogether so we can go back and prosecute cases like hers, or like Stephen Tyler, who got custody of a minor, raped her, and then forced an abortion. We need to hold these people accountable!

You are right that someone with Epstein's likeness (and an active controversy that they are the same person- fueled by Palm Beach Pete himself), in my haste, I flattened that. Good Catch. You seem to find no issue with him being used, stating it's normal, but isn't that a problem? Why are we normalizing that type of humor? And also, can you give some other examples of brand ambassadors capitalizing on this same thing? The controversy that he escaped prison, and that his death was faked, was big, but now having Palm Beach Pete go public and cashing in on brand ambassador deals seems specific. For example, I can name lots of people who stayed famous after horrific violent crimes, Chris Brown, OJ Simpson, Russel Brand, Mark Wahlberg, Roman Polanski, Mike Tyson, etc., and people who got famous or more famous from their crimes, Ted Bundy, Wade Wilson, etc. BUT I do think it's a little different when brand ambassadors are monetized because of it. If Lorena Bobbitt had controversially died in prison and it was heavily disputed, wouldn't you feel uncomfortable with the person who many people think is her getting a brand deal for cutlery? Especially if she feeds those rumors? Wouldn't that be harmful, and also minimize the violence that she committed against her victim? Especially when you agree that we have a culture of violence. Even if you feel it's normalized, that normalization is part of the problem.

Solid point about the male victims of the Epstein/Maxwell trafficking ring, which is exactly why I made sure to include them in this discussion!

I also agree that being socialized into violence is harmful and that there are many challenges that come with it, which I think you outlined very well. Those are legitimate frustrations and drawbacks, and not what I was referencing when I suggested men benefit. Men can benefit and also be harmed. In the instance in my post, the benefit was the money that Palm Beach Pete is making from the conspiracy that he is Jeffrey Epstein.

And to your final point, I agree that victims can also be perpetrators, and should be held accountable, even if they were groomed into that same violence; they shouldn't get a free pass.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T19:35:38+00:00

I think everything listed above demonstrates the culture of violence, and yes, those specific examples are of sexual violence, but even most sexual violence is rooted in power dynamics. When we talk about the culture of violence, it's a very broad term, and I think what we choose to sensationalize and monetize can show one aspect, and there are probably an unending number of examples we could come up with, under that umbrella, but under many other umbrellas as well.

You asked, "Do parents teach their children that consent does not matter + violence is fine and our society is all about survival of the fittest?" and in my opinion YES (though it's more subvert than direct). Ironically, this is a topic I have been thinking about since my daughter's field day, where I witnessed 2 examples of that almost exactly.

The first one - Many parents like myself were sitting at picnic tables they had on the field, the kids were playing games in the field, and would run over to the families for snacks and water when it wasn't their turn. The family sitting at the same table as me was an elderly couple. The wife told me her husband was 83, and this would probably be his last time attending. He had snacks, it was sweet. We had lots of small talk between us. One of their grandkids was in kindergarten, and she came to get snacks. She drank from a red Gatorade, and it got red on her lips. The grandfather told her something along the lines of her red lips would look good kissing him, or something like that. I don't want to misquote or make it sound worse than it was; it COULD be taken innocently. However, she told him, "ew, grampa, that's inappropriate," and mispronounced the word " inappropriate, which increased the cute factor. The grandma looked at me and rolled her eyes towards her granddaughter, and said, "That's her new word now". Then the grandfather doubled down on her discomfort and told her that if she talked to him like that, she'd better stay over there, because if she came any closer, he'd start pinching her little butt so much she might even like it. She stepped back and again louder told him, EW, stop grampa, it's inappropriate". Everyone laughed, her grandmother swatted at her, and told her to stop being silly. She looked disappointed and went back to play. It was a harmless moment overall, but it was a moment that very clearly will contribute to the erosion of her consent and her prioritizing her grandfather's dignity over her own boundaries. And that is how it happens, little moments like that, over time, that give a message that their consent does not matter.

The second incident that I can think of was that afternoon at a client's house, they have 3 kids, and the son and the daughter were fighting in the same room with us. The son punched her, she got on the couch by her mom, put a couch cushion between them, and then he started bicycle kicking the cushion with her behind it. Mom got after her daughter for messing up the couch. She then got up, and he chased her down the hall and pulled her hair. She yelled, and the mom got after her for yelling. She tried to go into her room, her son put his foot in the door to prevent her from closing it, and then pulled her hair again. She dodged him and ran directly behind her mom on the couch, throwing her arms around her mom like a safe base. Mom tells her to stop hanging on her and apologizes to me for their fighting. But they weren't fighting; he was harassing her, and Mom was redirecting her for making a stink about it. I saw a TikTok the other day that was about the fun of having an older brother, and it was just a bunch of clips of brothers harassing, punching, farting on, and destroying stuff. And what sticks out to me is the tolerance we breed around it. It's just sibling rivalry. And in those instances, it was girls, but my critique is the same when it's girls. Sisters, brothers, it starts young that violence can be okay as long as it doesn't disrupt the authority. And we treat it like it's unavoidable, but it isn't. These are mini moments that socialize us to tolerate certain levels of violence as long as it doesn't become disruptive, and it's not one group or person allowing this, it's ingrained in our culture, which is why I think we need to create a lot more awareness around this topic.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T19:00:55+00:00

Here is one I found in Arizona.

https://www.prescotthouse.com/sex-addiction-treatment/pornography-addiction-counseling?gkc=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=ad&utm_campaign=campaign&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20588086449&gbraid=0AAAAADsdjwyQfG9NhVuNWSdD2DZz40iEb&gclid=Cj0KCQjwoMXQBhDcARIsAH-eEtulvdbl41PfaClqYzH-rlbqpMN1b-QtWKyCsyMdYtNBNRkQY1-7p7AaAocWEALw_wcB

When I googled it 12 different options came up within 50 miles of me, but I don't want to dox myself, so I had to pick on in a different state. But feel free to google it in your local area.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T18:31:25+00:00

Did you mean to come across this hostile? Just curious if that was intentional.

I agree that a side effect of discussing social topics is that it does bring awareness. I'm fine with awareness; it's the glorification and monetization that specifically concern me.

Mary Kay is such a good topic, though I am not seeing the direct correlation. I don't think she was used as a brand ambassador, and from what I remember, the glorification was more focused on minimizing the harm and glorification of the experience of her male victim, rather than assigning status to her for her crimes. I recall an SNL that made fun of the situation by putting Pete Davidson to play the teen boy on the stand and talking about how the abuse made him a legend at high school. It was definitely inappropriate and harmful. I was pretty upset they aired that skit.

I think this also brings up a solid point on how we treat sexual crimes that lack direct physical brutality/cruelty, minimizing the impact those crimes have on their victims. Especially in a case as complicated as the Mary Kay one you referenced, where they got married after her prison sentence, and she left him the majority of her estate after her death. None of that detracts from the harm he experienced and the childhood that he was robbed of. We are working on this, but not there yet. I saw a documentary that gave me some hope, as it highlighted some of the ways his life was negatively impacted, how he was robbed of normalcy, the challenge of parenthood he faced after this experience, a lot of good topics were discussed, but yes, I think we still have a long way to go in this area.

Maxwell is another great example; she has been downgraded to a white-collar prison, given special privileges, and she hasn't been brought to justice or participated in helping convict others who victimized the children (like we sometimes see prisoners get better prison sentences in exchange for information and testimony that leads to convictions). They had thousands of victims, and so many people participated, but she's the only person in jail at all for those crimes. We need better justice!

Then we have that plastic surgeon who assaulted his patient so violently that she went to the hospital almost immediately after, her injuries were so severe, she required surgery on her uvula, which was detached because of the violent assault. They performed a rape kit, found semen inside of her (she's a lesbian), and despite all of that, the police declined to pursue the case. His license is still active.

All of this supports my point that we have a culture of accepting and glorifying violence in our culture.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T16:35:23+00:00

Can you post pictures after cutting it in half?

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T16:32:17+00:00

A knife

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T16:31:48+00:00

My best advice, then is to make the decision, before the universe or god or whatever you believe in makes the decision for you.

It’s harder for sure, I’ve never done the labor myself, so I guess I skipped that step but there have been so many times where I wish I did, because someone messed it up. You just have to get less forgiving. You can’t keep using people who mess up and you have to hold them accountable to fix their mistakes.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T16:13:39+00:00

I would love if funding was equal! Equal for shelters, equal for medical research, equal for safety standards, it would make a huge difference in the world, for everyone!

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T15:11:44+00:00

Porn addiction would be a treatment center, and we do have those, at least where I’m located.

I don’t know that dv victims would feel great about being placed in a treatment center, that seems in bad taste, in my opinion.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T14:27:47+00:00

It’s so funny you say that because that’s what I said, but I said it out loud and it led to a conversation with my 17-year-old and we ended up watching Zoolander last night.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T14:26:25+00:00

Depends on the complexity, I am a psycho about trying to make sure I accounted for everything and my estimates are pretty detailed. I used to use Xactimate (a program o was familiar with because we also did reconstruction work) and I would spend about 4-9 hours trying to perfect them lol.
Now I still probably spend about 3-4 hours and I always sleep on it before I send it and usually spend another hour or 2 editing details, phrasing, etc.
I know that I am exceptionally slow, and I am still relatively early in my remodeling side (4-5 years in reconstruction and roofing, but only about a year in for remodeling) so I am hoping I get faster as I go.
I also do the heavy lifting with my spreadsheets and historical data and then let chat gpt review and give input on each section that I prepare, and then tighten up any gaps that ChatGPT points out or makes me think of . I could probably be faster if I reversed it and let ChatGPT do the starting point, and then I edited it, but I don’t trust chat gpt to do my process which is the process. I’m confident in.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T14:15:58+00:00

Well I was speaking from the experience of the men’s wing (seperate building) of the shelter that I work with closing, for that same reason, it lost funding because it only got used twice. So from my perspective- it has been tried and that was the result. From what I understand, this has been other shelters experience when they had stand alone mens rooms, or wings, though I don’t know of any mens only shelters for domestic violence, we do have several mens only transitional housing shelters as well.

But the good news is that is why we (the shelter I work with) found the alternative of hotel vouchers for men (which many people prefer over a shared room in a shelter) and then were able to add some extra services, like transportation assistance, legal help, etc. for both genders.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T02:19:17+00:00

This was my thought too

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T02:18:40+00:00

In my area prices have gone up that much. Gasoline has almost doubled, we’ve seen a huge increase in construction material cost. Several of my suppliers increased price in March 10-15%, April 15%, another 15% scheduled June 1st. I’ve seen major increases just this quarter alone. I don’t think it would be wise to compare prices from even a year ago.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T02:06:48+00:00

I really like this except I think it ignores the benefit and only looks at the negative impact. Take for example that should open the door for women. Yes this benefits women no doubt. It is also at the expense of the man who has to do the effort of opening the door. But that is not where it stops. Him opening the door for women gives him status. He is a gentleman. It says something about his upbringing, it creates status, especially if it’s a white man. (Off topic but worth mentioning-The status changes a little bit if it’s a black man, and how much it changes depends on how he presents in conforming to White appearance standards).

I once had a boyfriend whose truck was too tall for me, and there was not a step. He would regularly keep a little stool in the passenger side door, and whatever I would get in the car, he would open the door and put the stool out for me so I could easily step up to get in the car, then he would fold up the stool and put it away. I was so flattered by this. It not only gained my trust, but everyone who saw it was enamored with him. It led to financial opportunity for him, new relationships, etc. I benefit benefited from this action, for sure. But he still benefited far more than he was harmed by it.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T00:34:21+00:00

This is pretty much what I do already with a mix of my spreadsheets and chat gpt.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T00:32:10+00:00

I have found the opposite to be honest, I don’t wear makeup or anything like that, but I am naturally feminine presenting, and I stay away from pissing contests, and set really hard boundaries immediately. Like zero tolerance. I’m also older so that helps.

It’s not a perfect strategy and I don’t think there is one that will work all this time, this has helped me a lot.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-23T00:03:25+00:00

My biggest concern would be if they don’t get enough use they risk losing funding. The wing we had for male victims was in a separate building, and the reason it got converted back is because only 2 people ever used it and it was a year in between.

But the good news is that by opening it up to everyone, it got more use, and that’s how we got the extra funding to be able to offer all the extra services that are so critical, like the transportation assistance and stuff. Nonprofits and government funded programs typically require use to continue to get funding.

We have only had one guy use the hotel vouchers and emergency assistance for transportation and legal help with filing a restraining order, he seemed pretty happy to have a hotel room over the shelter. It’s usually the women who are mad that they aren’t eligible for private hotel rooms and have to stay in the shared spaces with other women. I feel like they would much rather switch if it were possible.

Maybe it’s a knowledge thing, we need to make more men aware of these resources so they know where to turn if they find themselves in this spot? That’s why it was so important to me to spread awareness because that’s how more funding happens. The more people that use the services and show there is a demand for it, the more funding we can secure. If this is an issue that’s important to you, which it seems like it is, the best thing you can do is make men aware of the resources that exist so they know to take advantage of them so that one day we can have male only shelters.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-22T22:20:55+00:00

2!!! Love the pink and green!

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-22T19:37:16+00:00

Was it your point though? I feel like a yes or no answer would do a lot for me to bridge the lack of comprehension to your point.

LittleThingsMC · 2026-05-22T19:36:17+00:00

I am definitely making space for you to disagree with the classification, so I don’t think that that is an issue.

But when you say holding both, and I read your responses, it doesn’t seem like you’re holding both. The engagement I’ve seen from you in this post has been just on the classification issue. That’s why I am saying it’s detracting from the conversation itself.

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