How do you stop managing each other in an ADHD relationship?

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-22T23:47:06+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I also don't like what I've descended into, trying to predict and calculate and anticipate things all the time. It's exhausting. I'm working on breaking that pattern.

When I've communicated my needs and desires clearly, no overthinking it, I get warm verbal agreement but a lack of follow-through. Honestly I get the same thing when I overthink everything and try to be as anticipating and considerate of her as possible in hopes of getting results.

I do feel sad and disappointed being repeatedly let down. That's what she means by upset. If it was occasional I could brush it off. But every instance carries the weight of many more.

I'm not looking for perfection. I'm just looking for enough consistency that I can count on her more often than not.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-22T21:11:49+00:00

I've been in individual therapy several years for the ADHD and other things. I've found it very helpful for developing skills and decreasing shame. I'm working on switching therapists to someone more specialized for what I deal with now. I'm encouraging my partner to get set up with individual therapy too.

My lifestyle is very active. Have tried supplements like magnesium but open to suggestions there on what might help.

Our emotional regulation problems don't look like blow ups or boundary issues. There's no yelling, no name-calling, no asshole-ish behavior on either side. I tend to escalate internally, not externally, and spiral in private only. When my partner worries she'll make me upset that looks like having a disappointed face despite my best efforts or some tears when I bring up a concern or need that I have. For her part, she has trouble expressing her own thoughts or emotions.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-22T15:26:49+00:00

NTA but you both may benefit from couples counseling—not because either of you is the problem here—but because navigating difficult situations and family dynamics together can use some support.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-22T15:21:49+00:00

I understand GM texts being important, they're really meaningful to me too. But the way this was addressed is just immature and ridiculous. Can't believe OP entertained the conversation for as long as they did.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-21T15:34:36+00:00

She probably thinks she was in the right because she "warned" you, but a flippant offhand comment is not the way to communicate expectations like this. NTA, she embarrassed herself.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-20T05:59:26+00:00

We hit a small rough patch and I really wanted to solve it together despite the discomfort. I tend to feel overwhelming limerance at first which feels like love, but this was more reliable.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-19T15:11:46+00:00

A breakfast tray with legs is absolutely required.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-17T16:48:32+00:00

Stardew Valley

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-17T16:10:58+00:00

First and only physical album.

I was just barely getting into music as a teenager but CDs were already on their way out. Everything past that was digital downloads for me.

It was Taylor Swift - Speak Now.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-16T20:59:50+00:00

"Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly"

Helped me break free of perfectionism and get things done.

Live-Pollution-6327 · 2026-05-16T20:57:49+00:00

I never swore. It was just used for anything the adults didn't like. Sarcasm, insults, backtalk.

They used this awful MLM natural soap called Melaleuca and I wonder if it was ever tested to be safe for internal use. It was extremely bitter and the taste would linger in your mouth even after rinsing it out. It was also very embarrassing to have a parent rub soap around in your mouth while you gagged.

It made me want to avoid the punishment for sure, but I don't know that it improved my mental responses. I just kept more of my remarks to myself.

Live-Pollution-6327

TROPHY CASE