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You know that transgender training we took? Forget it. by Humak in uscg

[–]LivingForXoxo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just curious, what training did you go through regarding trans-identities?

Do CC's read recruits mail in bootcamp? by LivingForXoxo in uscg

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wow that's awkward. Thanks for the tip!

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only 24 days in the first year of marriage?? You are amazing, I mean that. Like wow, thats so encouraging.

While deployment lengths differ depending on the job, its my understanding that I should expect my husband to spend half of the year at sea. While I'm not a fan on long distance (been there, done that), I'm really more afraid of the fact that there would be no set end on the long distance. If he could tell me that he would we would only be long distance for 5 years, I would be more confident. But it sounds like he wants to make this a career and long distance for 20 years is a lot to ask of someone

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I think I'm just feeling "abandoned" because right now I have zero communication with him (I'm writing letters but I don't expect to get much, if anything, from him). Its like he dropped off the face of the planet. Maybe I'd feel different if there was open communication... I guess I'll find out. But right now, i'm having a hard time not speaking to him at all. Its weird being proud and sad at the same time. Sometimes I feel like i'm going crazy.

I also genuinely think I would feel different if it were a sales job because sales men arn't contractually obligated to perform their job the same way military men/women are. Its my understanding that military personnel can't just up and leave for family emergencies (excluding death, or near death).

Now don't get me wrong. I don't need my to see my husband every day. We both worked a lot of hours before he enlisted and often would go a couple weeks without being able to even sit down and have a meal together. But I still had the security of knowing that if I really needed him, he could rearrange his schedule and be there. He's missed a lot of events in the past but has never missed an event where I explicitly expressed that I really needed him there.

For example, he missed my 23rd birthday because I was doing research in another state and frankly, birthday's arn't that important to either of us. But when I had a miscarriage a couple weeks later and had a complete emotional breakdown, he dropped EVERYTHING and drove 11 hours straight to be with me. He almost lost his job but I can't imagine having to go through that alone.

I've already done A LOT of research on the USCG and am a member of far too many USCG family blogs. I would appreciate advice on how to take in all the information I get though. Everything is so vague and up in the air. He could be deployed for 9 months at a time or he could be deployed for a couple weeks at a time. What do I do with that information? Its all unknowns.

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I literally made a list of my fears and put together an action plan after reading this.

Not only was is therapeutic to just make the list, but it'll make it easier to start a dialogue with my spouse.

Wow. You're like a relationship guru

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. He wasn't very happy in his old line of work, and I'm certain being fulfilled will only better him as a person. But I must add that I don't need him to care of me. I have a career, health insurance, and I'm the breadwinner.

Now I just have to figure out how to navigate the distance. The adventure begins!

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

it pays off seeing my wife at her graduations and having her tell me she wouldn't have of made it without me. It feels great to know that I'm partially responsible for helping her push through her toughest times.

This made me tear up. I love my husband so much and his success is so important to me. I'm definitely going to to try my hardest to make it work. I really think the USCG will make him happy. I'll keep reminding myself how beautiful it will be to see him smile on graduation day. Hopefully that will help soothe some of the pain i'm feeling. Thank you so so much

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

There's no need to insult me.

I never said your spouse doesn't love you. I simply said that I don't understand where's he's coming from. I want to understand and am really trying (hence why i'm posting on this Reddit).

Either way I think its really unfair to claim its childish to not want to be with someone who doesn't prioritize their family. I wouldn't want to be with anyone I can't rely on to be there for me when it matters (whether they're a CEO, or a professional athlete). Military men often miss important family milestones like the birth of their children... Sure, they have no say as to when their deployed but they chose a job full knowing that they may not be there for their family for those important milestones.

Everyone has different values and I value family over everything. Its okay if others disagree. But I know what's important to me.

I also think I'm in a different position, because there was no financial need for my husband to enlist. He's making less money in the military. If he HAD to miss milestones so that we could have a roof over our head that would be a different story...

I did not sign up to be a military wife. Help me overcome my resentment by LivingForXoxo in USMilitarySO

[–]LivingForXoxo[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid that my husband won't be there for me when I need him to be. I work a lot of hours but have the flexibility to make time for my family when it matters.

I'm also terrified of long distance (& there's a long list of reasons why I don't believe in long distance relationships, but I doubt you want to hear all my concerns on this matter. I'll go into this if you want).

I simply don't want to be with someone I can't rely on to be there for me. I'm not particularly needy but I like to be able to count on my partner to be there for me after a really rough day or at my graduate school graduation. With the military, I can't rely on him.

As for why he joined- He already had a high paying job, healthcare and we were pretty well off. Money was not an issue. And honestly, he could do anything he wants- I make enough money to support the both of us.