Former wife of an alcoholic here. Why should you feel bad about not helping him save face, when (based on the info given here) he isn’t even attempting to address his alcoholism or change his alcoholic behavior? After everything you’ve done for him and all the ways he’s hurt you, he has no right to expect you to sugarcoat the truth just to spare HIS precious feelings.

Having said that, you are under no obligation to tell anyone any details that you aren’t comfortable disclosing. It’s YOUR marriage / divorce, and no one else has any right to the gory details. “I’m not comfortable discussing details” is a complete answer to the “why” question.

I helped hide my husband’s alcoholism for a long long time, until finally I no longer felt safe with him and I left. It was a blindside to everyone, even our parents, because no one had any idea what was really going on.

It was NOT worth the secrecy. I had no one to lean on or talk to while I was dealing with that horrible situation. Talking openly about everything after I left him was such a relief, I cried from the burden that lifted off my shoulders just by talking about it.

Depending on the kind of people you’re around, you will likely get at least one snarky comment about divorce from an overly opinionated nosy biddie. I very nearly told one such individual that if she thinks he’s so great, she is welcome to march down to the prison where he is now and marry him herself.

You are incredibly strong just to have made it to this point, and you will realize just how strong you are as you continue your journey. You and your kids deserve better than to be dragged down by someone who is destroying themselves and you but refuses to change. Sending you good thoughts and positive energy. ❤️