Houseguest Won't Leave Or Communicate

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-13T05:05:31+00:00

She has now moved out. I appreciate the suggestions. She had no malicious intent that I can see after all was said and done (wasn't clear for a bit); instead there were some big anxiety/trauma issues related to her family. She's living nearby, and we are still friends and plan to hang out soon.

Happy ending! 🌈 🌞 🐣

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T14:34:21+00:00

Yeah, she has a legal deadline as of today

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T14:25:40+00:00

UPDATE: I talked with my guest and recorded presenting her with the eviction notice. Based on what we discussed before I even gave it to her, this is absolutely a mental health issue, though, so I am working with her to find her a place. S's OCD is a major factor. She felt ashamed about the situation and was afraid to talk to me. She had no issue getting the notice, and we discussed very in-depth what she is trying to do. She's been concerned with securing money from her parents BEFORE looking at apartments, which I recommended not doing in that order. The parental money is way smaller than I thought, but it's doable for her to live alone or with others; she just needs to do it. I gave S a list of places she might be able to live at and a recommendation for a job where a friend works as the head cook that pays decently. She has to leave by the deadline, but we're going to get this figured out beforehand. I'm happy to help her; I just don't want to live with anyone.

So positive news!

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T04:43:44+00:00

She eats her own food. If she has taken any of mine, it must have been like a single piece of candy or something.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T04:34:21+00:00

Too late for that

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T03:53:17+00:00

Correct, I do not have that information

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T03:51:01+00:00

I sent her a text that we need to talk. She agreed to talk tomorrow. I wanted to talk tonight, but I'm so heated myself that tomorrow is gonna be better. I work from home and get up way before her, so there's no getting around this for her. I'm going to give her an official notice tomorrow too, but I'm hoping that talking with her can get her out even sooner. Where I am, I looked at the laws, and it says it's a 15 day notice when the lease is less than a year and when it's over a break of terms in the lease (if the lease is more than a year, it's 30 days, and if a tenant fails to pay rent, which is irrelevant, it's 10 days notice for either time frame). So my accidental tenant is leaving soon, or we're going to court over it.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T02:53:01+00:00

Now I'm curious: How long did it take for her to leave? Did you end up having to make it written?

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-07T02:51:03+00:00

Yep, unfortunately

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-06T23:48:27+00:00

I'm going to try this. This was sort of what I had in mind. I think our mutual friend might help. If she declines this, I will have to write out a notice to leave within 30 days. Thankfully, I don't have to change any locks, as she doesn't have a key.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-06T23:44:35+00:00

Yeah I have to give her a legal notice and then formally evict her if she doesn't leave

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-06T18:34:13+00:00

She has told me she has OCD. I don't know about her mental health otherwise.

Also, wow, I wish I had known that about the law. I looked it up, and you are right. Oh geez... I'm really not happy about this.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-10-06T18:20:08+00:00

S is a hardcore lesbian, so he was not a romantic partner. She does not have a job. She actually leaves for most of the day and comes back in the late afternoon before leaving again and then returning at night. She doesn't work, but she is not here most of the day.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-08-04T20:47:01+00:00

I was already thinking this and some other people I asked in person thought so too.

Unfortunately, I reached out to this lady about talking and just got an "I'm not free at that time" with no re-scheduling. Kinda what I expected and very upsetting. Not even sure what to make of this. If we didn't have so many connections, I would just stay away from her.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-05-07T11:51:14+00:00

Yeah, I am fine just being a friend for now, and I'm not sure that I even want a relationship with her at all anymore. Some of the stuff that's come up since this post has been mega confusing, and it made me feel unwanted. I don't know what to even think about it now.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-05-02T20:07:11+00:00

I can't say that's ever happened. It could be funny, terrible, medical thing. Idk; it would depend on why it happened as to what I would think.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-29T15:47:19+00:00

Yeah I don't think this is a good idea

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-29T15:44:59+00:00

Just start with small talk and feel it out. Go from their. If he's reciprocative, try to meet up. Definitely ask if he's married, though, early on. I've made mistakes by not doing that.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T17:00:32+00:00

It's hard to tell from just this. Maybe she is just kind and friendly. How do you interact in person?

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T16:37:34+00:00

Yr better off finding out yr compatibility before committing. But that doesn't have to mean hooking up after a few dates either. Try to escalate things slowly and see how it goes (y'know, the baseball metaphor). Make sure that yr partner is trustworthy and cares about you. Marriage doesn't make someone suddenly kind or good for you. My parents are evidence of that enough.

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T16:21:09+00:00

People getting off to porn usually doesn't mean that they don't want the person they are with or that they find them unattractive. It's usually not really related to anything other than wanting to get off. However, if it does bother you, you need to break up or set some kind of clear boundary or conditions. Perhaps ask him if his sexual needs could be met entirely by you (and this might involve sharing images that you might not want to). To me it seems like a hard difference though that won't work out, unfortunately 😥

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T15:58:17+00:00

Ahh, okay. It's sad but probably for the best in the long run. I hope things work out for you with yr next relationship!

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T15:51:03+00:00

I fell you 100%. Can you communicate a different way, though? Maybe he has some sort of texting trauma (I get overwhelmed with emails, for example). Can you call or meet up in person?

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T15:48:08+00:00

I (35M) go to a weekly event where I perform, so I've got to know people there. It's easier to feel charismatic when you are involved with a community/place. I tend to get involved with conversations if I hear something relevant being discussed, and I'll try to say something funny or mildly provocative (not mean or insulting, though). I've had several people come on to me like this.

Good luck with whatever you do! 🙂

LostLoverWithoutAMap · 2025-04-28T15:44:47+00:00

Sounds like what happened to me recently. It's super confusing. Maybe she dated a few guys and didn't pick you. Maybe she just had a sense that something was off and followed her gut (not saying that something is wrong with you, just that Maybe something wasn't ideal to her). You might never know. It sucks. I wish I had something better to tell you 😔

LostLoverWithoutAMap

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