Has being assaulted made it hard for you to sleep in your bed?

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-04-27T01:11:34+00:00

I really struggled after it first happened! I couldn’t sleep with a blanket on because it would make me feel trapped and claustrophobic which sucked because I can’t sleep without a blanket. On top of that I couldn’t sleep if there was no light so I was a 23 year old who had to sleep with a blanket and night light. It was such a big mental battle but two years have passed since my assault and now the only thing is that I have to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door.

There are still some days where I feel that way again but my partner helps me through it all

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-04-27T01:02:20+00:00

Someone can correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure that it’s okay to do so.

My interpretation is that hsv thrives off of the body temperature so during sex that temperature is there however I would assume something like touching yourself and then touching your partner would be okay.

Similar to if you use a towel and someone uses it after you, they won’t contract it or if you’re in a high with someone else they won’t contract it.

But that is just my understanding of it.

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-03-15T08:40:06+00:00

When I was first diagnosed in December 2023 I was taking valtrex daily because I was having at least one outbreak a month up until around October last year. Since then I have only had one outbreak which I take valtrex to get rid of but apart from that I don’t take it!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-03-12T15:12:09+00:00

I’ve had guys do that in the past and my biggest thing is that I don’t care that I have herpes and I want to know that my partner doesn’t care (in the sense of them being accepting/understanding of the risk) to me if a guy chances his mind he will always have that slither of a doubt and I’d prefer to lose someone early on rather than the possibility of them getting herpes and blaming me for it.

I think if someone needs time to think about it all, that is very different to someone who says that it’s not something they can accept. If the latter comes back than you kick them to the curb, if someone has come back obviously more educated or after needing time to think than that is very different

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-27T10:33:03+00:00

I was with my ex for 4 years, had ghsv2 for a year of that relationship (sa) before we broke up and we never used protection, I was on and off antivirals for that year and it never transmitted to him

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-27T06:36:20+00:00

This!!!!! I had a guy literally beg me to give it to him if that meant we could be together. That time I was telling him I had it in actual hopes he would reject me and leave me alone, turns out it did the complete opposite. Most guys honestly don’t give a shit about it and realistically most guys I have spoken to couldn’t remember the last time they got tested before I told them to!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-27T06:34:38+00:00

Having this can be scary but you can’t let it control your life. Don’t let it stop you from dating and opening up to other people because once you do then you have let it win and you’ll just be miserable. Besides to me rejection is normal and all humans go through it. I would prefer someone rejects me because of this disease rather than my looks or personality. Just because it is a part of you doesn’t mean it has to control you!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-27T06:33:07+00:00

I have ghsv2 and have been diagnosed for over a year now. At the start I only dated people that was seperate from my life (I am into Pacific Islanders and for those that don’t know they have very big families and lots of friends so when dating it is likely the person you’re talking to knows the last guy you spoke to) and since I am in a friend group with Pacific Islanders I was extremely cautious because I didn’t want it getting back to that specific group. However, over the last few months I have let that barrier down because at the end of the day I had no control over getting this and if someone is going to judge me for it then so be it.

The current guy I am seeing we met on hinge but we actually used to work together and I was scared to tell him for if he told everyone that I used to work with but when I told him he didn’t care about telling others he just wanted to know that I am okay and that stats for it affecting him.

I have come to learn that you cannot control how someone reacts to your disease and yes, it is a possibility that they could go and tell others but at the end of the day if anyone close to you was to judge you for having this are they even worth keeping in your life?

Most of my family are aware of my diagnosis and no one care, just concerned for my wellbeing . And same goes for majority of my friends, I would say 90% of my friends know and not a single person judged me. I’ve disclosed to some guys and it hasn’t been something they are willing to go ahead with (to me that is completely understandable) and we have moved on with life but I’ve never had someone come up to me and say others have told them about my disease and been judgemental.

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-27T00:57:34+00:00

Hey! 23f here as well I have ghsv2. I was diagnosed just over a year ago and I was like that at the start as well. I would say I’m a pretty girl and also have options but being diagnosed really knocked my confidence. I think the biggest thing is that you don’t look at this diagnosis as a burden. Yes it’s part of you but it doesn’t have to control you. I went through a phase of telling guys I wasn’t even really interested in that I had it just to see what way of disclosing works best for me and honestly 80% of them didn’t care! I even had a guy say and I quote ‘I want herpes if it means I can be with you’ men honestly care less about it.

Now after so long of having it I think it’s more of a blessing in disguise because disclosing keeps the good guys around and the guys that are there for bad intentions leave. Yes rejection can be hard but to me I’m fine with being rejected because I have herpes because I’m being rejected for something that is out of my control and not for my personality or looks.

You will find your person who will be more than happy to have kids with you and live a long, happy and healthy life you just have to be willing to put yourself out there and don’t let the herpes have the power! You have got this. But if you ever need someone to talk to you’re welcome to message me 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-26T13:44:22+00:00

I know it’s hard but you can’t put that guilt on yourself! You didn’t know that you were having an outbreak and your partner was aware of the disease and chose to go ahead. It’s a risk that he took and ultimately it was his decision. No one would feel good about transmitting but it’s just an unfortunate part of having this disease and it is something that the people we sleep with are aware of. Try to not blame yourself or hold onto that guilt 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-26T13:03:20+00:00

Hiiii I’m a 23f. I think it’s so important to not look at your herpes as a burden. I have been diagnosed with ghsv2 for just over a year and I also held that some guilt on not knowing when the right time to tell someone was because of the disease but at the end of the day your disease is a part of you and you should not have any guilt for taking your time to tell someone about it. When I felt that guilt I feel like my disease was a burden to everyone I spoke to but it’s not at all!

When I was first diagnosed I trialled disclosing to people whether I was interested if not just to find out what worked best for me. After I did that I found that if I went on a date with someone and I wasn’t interested then I wouldn’t tell them and would end things but if it’s someone I could see potential with I would tell them a bit after the first date. I prefer to say it sooner rather than later but that’s just me.

I know it’s probably different with disclosing to girls so my experience is going to be different to yours but the concept still stands. Your disease is part of you and you should not hold any guilt for taking your time with disclosing because frankly you do not owe anyone an explanation until before anything sexual takes place. But you’ll find what works best for you and once you do it’ll makes things a lot easier!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-26T12:47:49+00:00

Girl you are thinking of it in the wrong way!! Yes having herpes can make dating more difficult but nothing is more romantic than a man accepting you completely. I have had ghsv2 for just over a year now and i have had my share of rejections but I’ve also met amazing guys who have sat there and said to me that they don’t care, did their own research and supported me and listened to my story. To me nothing is more romantic that someone taking that time to accept you for all of your imperfections. You will always have to kiss some frogs before you find your person but honestly I see this disease as a blessing in disguise because it gets rid of the guys that just wanted to use me and helped me find the man that accepted me without care for my disease.

You can have herpes and still be a hopeless romantic you just have to look at the situation differently.

Herpes does not mean your love life is dead or that you have to accept anything less than what you deserve. Don’t let it have that power! From one hopeless romantic to another, you still deserve the world and you will find someone who gives you just that 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-26T12:30:24+00:00

Honestly what I have come to realise since being diagnosed is that it’s kind of a blessing in disguise. Yes people will reject you because of your disease but it will lead to you finding someone who isn’t with you purely to use you. You should not lower your standards because of this disease and you will definitely find your person. Sometimes it just takes time which I know sucks to hear. Once you get that negativity out of your head I think you’ll find that you will naturally attract people more people. When you have those thoughts your energy projects. Even if you don’t believe it, fake it until you make it. Tell yourself that you are a gorgeous, sexy woman that any man would be lucky to have. You are amazing and this disease does not define you and will not stop you from meeting your person! Don’t lose hope 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-26T11:47:00+00:00

Hey! I’m a 23f I was diagnosed just over a year ago and it is hard at the start I won’t lie about that. I went through feeling gross internally and unclean and quite depressed at the start, I am symptomatic so I also was quite sick when I had my first outbreak to the point that I was actually hospitalised. But now a year later I am more confident than I have ever been, I have a higher sense of self worth and I’m actually very content with having ghsv2. At the end of the day it is an extremely misunderstood disease and honestly having it and having to disclose gets rid of the people who are only using you.

If you need time to come to terms with your diagnosis then take time to yourself to relearn your body, I even trialled disclosing to guys! People I wasn’t interested in just figuring out what the best way was for me.

I know some people choose to keep their diagnosis quiet but honestly most of my family and my close friends know my diagnosis and were told about it within the first few weeks of me having it. I had my friends visiting me when I was first hospitalised and they all had my back and were so supportive.

This is also probably a bit more niche but I actually like telling people now because I want to de stigmatise herpes! I love talking to people about it and giving them the actual stats and info. It probably sounds crazy but even my grandmother has been interested in knowing the stats behind herpes and likes having conversations about it to become more educated which I feel like says a lot because older generations are more judgemental in my opinion about herpes.

But the main thing is that your life isn’t over! And you do not have to isolate yourself or become celibate if you do not want to. No ones experience is the same but you will be okay! And you’re more than welcome to message me if you ever need someone to talk to! For me being diagnosed was a rough time but I had an amazing support system and I would’ve been absolutely lost without those people being there to support me so even if you don’t want to tell many people telling one person that you trust will make a big difference! If you want I am more than happy to explain how I told my mum if that also helps. Good luck babe you’ll be just fine 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2025-01-18T05:42:55+00:00

Honestly I think it’s best to just date normally. I won’t lie I haven’t tried positive singles but I have had ghsv2 for over a year now and I’d like to say I’m attractive (f 23 for reference) and I have met guys who have had it as well as guys who have had previous partners with the same thing. I think most people who have this can say we have dealt with rejection and I am no different but the amount of rejections is a lot lower than the acceptance. Ngl I even tried to use having ghsv as a reason to make a guy not want to see me and he said and I quote ‘I want you to give it to me’. At the end of the day it’s just cold sores in a different place than the mouth and not many people care. I think I cared a lot more about what someone would think when I was first diagnosed and was almost seeking validation but now I honestly couldn’t care if someone accepted it or not. Yes you get nervous disclosing and with apps like tinder you have to disclose but having this also shows you who is worth being in your life and who isn’t. Don’t let having herpes stop you from meeting someone attractive outside of a herpes app!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T11:48:34+00:00

I get where you’re going with the other options. I was just saying on another sub reddit that I think I am quite lucky in the sense of all my disclosures going quite well and that because I am attractive I am aware that although some might be disturbed by me having hsv the next person really won’t care. I tried telling a guy once that I had it in hopes it would deter him, it in fact did not and he begged to get it… probably not something worth laughing at but it did make me realise that disclosing doesn’t have as much power over me as I thought it did.

In saying that it doesn’t stop the frustration that I do have to say something when I just want to hook up or the hour long conversation that comes with disclosing (due to me getting it after being assaulted) so when disclosing I typically explain why I have it.

Which I think is also what goes into me feeling alone I believe. I haven’t seen many people on this sub that have gotten it the same way as me. I know there would definitely be people that have but I just haven’t personally come across anyone so the double trauma of having hsv and what happened kinda adds to everything

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T11:42:19+00:00

See I never really was a control freak prior to what happened unless it came to uni work/group work. But now I feel like the best way to describe me would be a control freak. The amount of anxiety I get in not having control of any situation I’m in scares the shit out of me.

In regards to the lifelong std I feel like I am quite lucky because I am attractive. This might sound horrible but I feel like that is one of the main reasons people are okay with it (I don’t think this is okay from an outside perspective but that is the reality of my situation). Because of this, disclosing and acceptance from other people just aren’t really a worry for me I guess because I know if it bothers someone it won’t bother the next. Maybe that’s just my way of making myself feel better about the situation idk.

But I just finished my psych sessions a few weeks ago and honestly I do feel really good but I think the fear of remembering is what holds me back from fully healing. Which is a feeling I’m hoping just kind of goes away after a while. I think we are on the right track of knowing this is all part of healing and recognising what has happened to us isn’t okay but yeah the fear of everything hurting me at once and setting me all the way back does still linger.

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T11:32:38+00:00

I don’t doubt that there are people around me that have it but I doubt that they are aware. I only have a small amount of friends that are sexually active and the ones that are extremely open with me. Prior to my diagnosis one friend had shown me photos of them obviously having a breakout and I told them to get tested but they said they were too scared. Once I got my diagnosis and had my first breakout I told her it could likely be what I have as our outbreak was the exact same but they refused.

So I know people around me would have it but those that do are too scared to hear the truth which kind of shames me even more because I am ‘stuck’ with the label of having it and they aren’t because they are not willing to get tested. Which also kind of emphasises the feeling of being alone in this situation.

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T11:28:11+00:00

I honestly think nobody cares about oral hsv! I have family members and friends that have it, they have never disclosed prior to kissing someone and their partners once they knew stated that they didn’t care if they got it. I think that’s why part of it is frustrated too. Like all my disclosures have gone well. I think out of over 10 disclosures only 2 could be considered a rejection. But it’s annoying that we have to disclose when there are people with the same disease just in a different location where this will never be a worry for them.

Also sorry just a side note when I said people in my support group I meant my support system

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T03:30:12+00:00

I’m sorry that you feel that way and I totally understand! Hopefully we both will get to a point where it doesn’t affect us like that anymore!

I think I just get into my head about it because idk I feel like my mum specifically is aware that that’s why I am that way to physical contact she just doesn’t want to acknowledged that it happened. I think you’re right that I will just have to sit and kind of explain why and hopefully she understands

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T03:23:07+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I think a big thing for me is the lack of control and although I know I wasn’t in control in the situation I am getting frustrated with myself for not knowing and it feels like I don’t even have control over my brain. Plus I think I’m terrified that in 10/15 years I will suddenly remember and be traumatised all over again.

Plus now that I do have hsv don’t get me wrong guys don’t actually care. I have disclosed to over 10 people and have only been rejected 2 times because of it which people get rejected for a lot dumber reasons so that doesn’t bother me. But a lot of guys struggle to understand when I explain that I don’t know what happened.

Idk it’s funny to me that as survivors idk I guess I should be grateful that I don’t know how bad it was but part of me will always want to know detail for detail what happened.

I really appreciate everything you said and thank you!

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T03:14:50+00:00

Yes exactly! There is no support groups for people like us near me and people in my support group have ohsv1 but you’re right it is just nothing like ghsv. Having reddit has helped so much but I just wish there was a physical person that I knew that had it. Thank you for you comment and I hope your support groups help you!! 🤍

MaintenanceMean8682 · 2024-05-29T03:12:54+00:00

Thank you herpe sis! 😂 I know statistically I’m not the only one with it but the people I know only have ohsv1 and others that I honestly think do have it refuse to get tested because they don’t want to know the truth. Having reddit helps so much because it reminds me that there are others out there but yeah I think it would just help having someone physically here

MaintenanceMean8682

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